Don't Know What To Do??

[littlemomma1526]

Hi everyone I am new to this board. I have heard this virus (genital herpes) for about 2 yrs now. sometimes when I think about it, it makes me depressed. I'm not married but I do and this one partner and when I have sex it's only with him. I told him when I got this, he went to the doctor but he doesn't have it. no one knows about this except one family memeber, I don't talk about it to anyone else and the two people that know I really don't talk about it with them unless one of them brings it up. when we have sex now he always wears a condom. but the reason I get so scared I guess is because I want to have a baby and I don't want this getting in the way or me giving it to the child and I certainly don't want to give it to my partner. so two of my questions are... can I still have a normal sex life without a condom if I'm not shredding or having any outbreaks? AND sometimes I preform oral sex on him so would I have to worry about contracting anything because I preformed oral on him? sometimes I thought about maybe if I put a small hole in the condom I wouldn't have to be scaring myself and then I could get pregnant. Does that sound like something I could do? sometimes I just feel so alone and I don't have anyone to talk to this about because I don't want anyone to know.. Can someone Please help me out there.

[MC37 Pilot]

You can still have a baby traditionally and not expose the baby to HSV. Just let your Dr. know and they typically put you on supressive therapy before you give birth to be extra safe.

As far as getting pregnant...

Its all a matter of personal choice. Millions of people who have HSV have a normal sex life.

Its really something only you and your partner can decided on.

Can you ever completely eliminate the risk to give it to your partner... no...

But there are lots of very easy things to do to really really really minimize the risk.

Glad you found the board if you haven't been able to find others to talk to.

[Faith]

Its really something only you and your partner can decided on.

Hi,

I agree. I think, it's up to your (you and him) choice.

Bear in mind... condom does reduce the risk. But it's possible to be exposed to this virus even if you wear condom everytime. This virus infect from skin to skin, so if there is shedding where condom doesn't cover, you/he can get infected. Especially, in case that female have herpes there, it's hard to cover it up. Besides, even when you don't have visible outbreak, the virus can be shed.( Read EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS article 2 final by Richard, it's under Everything Herpes in this forum)

If you guys decide to have a baby, yes you have to throw the condom away. But if he can take it whatever it happens as a result of not wearing condom ( means, if he feels he can take having this risk and take having herpes in case of infected), and you are sure about all those possibilities, I think it's no problem for you guys to throw condoms away.

You just have to talk to him. And decide. Don't feel that you are alone. At least, you have him, who can make this decision together.

(and we are always here for you to talk to, too. <smile>)

Best wishes..

Faith

[victimylp]

Baby

I can make you feel at ease. I had this virus (1 and 2) for I'd say, 25 years now. Only the last 8 years have I realized just what I have. I have been with my husband since 1981. He shows no sign of it. Never a cold sore on his mouth, never a sore penis. NEVER! Imagine that. Well, as married couples do, we had children. The first in 1992 and the second in 1995. It wasn't until January 1995 that thru a routine pregnancy exam, I was diagnosed with HSV 2. Believe it or not, I still did not know what it was and my doctor simply said "we'll start on medicine after the baby is born and there will be no harm to the baby." Fortunatley, with the first child, who was breach, a C-section was done. No harm there, but didn't know. The second child almost came in the car ride to the hospital, and by then, I knew what this ugly virus was. I got to the hospital and DEMANDED a C-section. I had one, and the baby was fine. Both are fine, though today, I think the 8 year old has HSV 1, from her dear old mom! If you read up on this, it is very safe to get pregnant if you already have the virus. It is not safe to get pregnant if you contract it while pregnant. So, plan that baby shower!!! I for one, was better off not knowing, eh!

[Guest Anonymous]

infant

I have a 22mnth old.........known of my condition for over 16yrs.....not sure if its 1-2.but I get cold sores...and initially had it down thier.....had a C-section.....but paranoid about passing anything to him.

He has little red spots..ect around his mouth periodically...and 2 weeks ago looked a little differnt...I was frantic...took him to the DR....had a blood test...all came back negative..

Iam still freaked out...afraid to touch him. I never kiss his mouth.

How do I care for him and feel comfrtable.....every little thing I see on me makes me wonder now...today a tiny little spot on my breast......did I spread it from a shower,towel/?? I have a bandaide over it...but have worked myself up to the point of exhaustion.

I love him, and don't ever want him to be in my shoes.

Please help me..you all seem so smart....thanks

[MC37 Pilot]

How do I care for him and feel comfrtable.....every little thing I see on me makes me wonder now...today a tiny little spot on my breast......did I spread it from a shower,towel/?? I have a bandaide over it...but have worked myself up to the point of exhaustion.

I read something the other day a Dr. wrote that said there was NO known cases where it was spread from an innanimate object (towel, toilet seat) etc.

I am not a Dr. so I guess I can't say or guarentee that you can't give him hsv by kissing (as I've read that that's how most people get it, from being kissed as kids)

But oral hsv is SOOOOOOOO common.

My only personal advice would be to not kiss him if you have an outbreak, and beyond that, its ESSENTIAL that you show and express love to your child.

I love him, and don't ever want him to be in my shoes.

He WON'T get genital herpes from you. If ANYthing, he might get oral (which is SOOOO common anyway)

I DOUBT it, because you are aware of it, you will keep an eye out for outbreaks. But given the importance of showing a child affection, I think you are better off to take the slight slight slight risk of him getting it from you kissing him, then to not be as affectionate with your child as you would want to be.

physical scars and issue are no big deal. emotional scars are. Don't be afraid to show your child affection by kissing him!!

[Faith]

physical scars and issue are no big deal. emotional scars are. Don't be afraid to show your child affection by kissing him!!

Totally agreed. <smile>

If your kid grows up knowing he is loved by his mother, he can live strongly no matter what.

Faith

[JDME]

Afraid of Child in Diapers Getting It

Hi I totally feel for you MERGE. I posted on another topic but briefly last week for 2.5 year old little girl had what looked like a little sore on her vagina (she was running around for a few hours without a diaper on-I am trying to potty train her ) so I don't know if she got a bite, scrape, scratched it herself with her little tiny nails Etc.... Anyhow I was terrified and starting doing all this research on the computer and everything I read said that you can't transmit it through say not wiping if you had an outbreak and then changed her diaper. Anyhow needless to say I still obsessed over it for days. It disappeared showed no signs of any blister or scab and she didn't even acknowledge that is was there (this is a child who falls down and says she got a booboo for a week) so I thought if it was that she would definitly have pain or something down there. Anyhow I called her Dr a few days later and was hysterical on the phone with him thinking I gave it to her and he pretty much said impossible to transmit this way. Is it?? I have read it is possible and then heard that it can't live on the hands @ all?

Any help would be great

Thanks

[hsvmom]

Well, Merge's post is nearly from nearly 1 1/2 yr ago, but here's my comment, FWIW.

It might technically be possible to transmit it that way since science can't really rule it out completely, but the odds of it are incredibly unlikely. It's DEFINATELY unlikely enough that I wouldn't even give it a second thought. In nearly all circumstances, the body lives outside the body for only moments. Also, the virus takes up to an hour to infect its host cell, which means that handwashing, alcohol, etc are usually effective in preventing transmission. So even if you DID touch an outbreak and then change her diaper immediately (which I can't imagine you would do) then wiping her would go a long ways towards preventing infection. Her doctor is correct...it's pretty much impossible. I really wouldn't worry about it. Preventing transmission to her should be pretty simple. Wash your hands frequently and simply don't allow her to come in contact with your infection.

it's great that you are aware and concious of it so that you can better protect her!

[JDME]

thanks again

Hi you answered on my other post also. I just wanted to say thanks again.