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lali

i feel disgusting

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Someday i forget about it and im okay with it and other days i feel like crap. When i think about dating, or talking to someone i like, or like right now when i hear people talk about herpes. Just saw an episode of 2 broke girls, sure its a comedy show, but they were talking about herpes as if you were a dirty disgusting whore if you have it. And then i break down again and i think most people probably think like that too. And i start believing i am dirty and disgusting. Then i wonder how im ever going to find someone i like because they probably all believe that its disgusting. Just like i believed before getting it. Sometimes im fine but then I feel like i have to downgrade to someone i dont really want because the ones i really want will probably never be okay with it. Im scared to disclose and they will start talking to other people and then everybody will know me as a dirty whore. Im not sure if i understood properly about halfords vaccin but they aren't even sure if its going to be effective on sheddings so it means i would still have to disclose no matter what. Im trying to be positive i really am. But ....

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I understand how you feel.  It's hard not to feel that way when society and mainstream media makes jokes about it.  I was watching Parks and Rec's episodes and there were several  jokes about herpes.  Remember, the writers of these shows are misinformed.  I'm not trying to judge or bring other people down to boost myself up, but a lot of these writers use their scriptwriting to work out their own issues.  Like, the nerdy guy gets the hot girl (writer fantasy) or the smart girl isn't considered sexually attractive (like we can't be both) and/or the girl who rejected the guy probably has herpes, anyways.  Really? And, I'm pretty sure I've seen 2 Broke Girls episodes with racial stereotype jokes, too.  Should we believe that, too? 

So, try not to use fictional television as a way to dictate your own life.  Educating yourself about HSV and positive affirmations for self-love can help you change your focus.  From reading all the stories on this forum, you will see that it affects all types of people. What would you tell your best friend?  Would you tell him/her that s(he) was a dirty whore?  And, if so - it's time to make some adjustments in your thinking :-) 

We are not dirty and we are not disgusting.  Judgmental people will have no place in your life and you may find yourself surrounded with much more compassionate and understanding people.

You will realize that the ones you "really want," may not be the ones you really want if they will not accept you. It's not about settling.  It's about believing that the right person will not judge you and will love you despite having this.  I just saw a quote from Oprah, "I do not want anyone who doesn't want me."  And, wanting someone is very different from loving someone (it's nice when both happens!).  This has been a valuable lesson for me to remind me that we deserve something much more meaningful in the future.

I found this thread when I first signed up.  I even copied and pasted it so I could read it again when I needed (thank you, SharingHope).  I hope it can help you, too.

 

 

Edited by KeepThriving
removed the word, "that."

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5 hours ago, lali said:

Someday i forget about it and im okay with it and other days i feel like crap. When i think about dating, or talking to someone i like, or like right now when i hear people talk about herpes. Just saw an episode of 2 broke girls, sure its a comedy show, but they were talking about herpes as if you were a dirty disgusting whore if you have it. And then i break down again and i think most people probably think like that too. And i start believing i am dirty and disgusting. Then i wonder how im ever going to find someone i like because they probably all believe that its disgusting. Just like i believed before getting it. Sometimes im fine but then I feel like i have to downgrade to someone i dont really want because the ones i really want will probably never be okay with it. Im scared to disclose and they will start talking to other people and then everybody will know me as a dirty whore. Im not sure if i understood properly about halfords vaccin but they aren't even sure if its going to be effective on sheddings so it means i would still have to disclose no matter what. Im trying to be positive i really am. But ....

This is exactly how i feel i try to stay strong though and pray that one day a girl will accept me for having it. I hope things get better for you always remember your not alone and youre not disgusting.

 

Edited by valleynovascotia

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i feel the same way. i recently broke up with the guy who gave it to me and now i just had to tell the guy i have been seeing i had herpes and he couldn't handle it. it hurt alot. but if 1 in 5 have it, we are not alone. there is someone for us, just gotta hang tight and stay strong. 

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I gave it to my now wife. I wasn't sure about it til i got tested positive my wife supported me i guess I'am a lucky man..

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@KeepThriving i wish this was true and agree with what your saying about the entertainment industry. But i still feel this is how most people think im afraid. I live in one of the big cities of canada but everybody knows each other especially in the english community. So im really scared of disclosing and the judgement. 

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14 hours ago, njsel said:

i feel the same way. i recently broke up with the guy who gave it to me and now i just had to tell the guy i have been seeing i had herpes and he couldn't handle it. it hurt alot. but if 1 in 5 have it, we are not alone. there is someone for us, just gotta hang tight and stay strong. 

Yea but then 80% of those 1 out of 5 doesnt even know they have it! And i guess theres more girls than guys also with the virus since its easier for a girl to catch it. Im sorry about the guy you disclose to. Thats exactly what scares me. Its already hard enough to find someone you truly like and plus likes you too. Now this makes it even more complicated. 

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Hard not to feel bad. All the female friends feel sorry for me...say stay positive.....but would not touch me with a 10 foot pole.........

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