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Thinking of dating again, but scared

Janie725c

By Janie725c,
in ♡ Dating and Relating

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Janie725c Honeycomb Member

Janie725c

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Hi,

       I'm new to this site and this is my second post. I thought I'd try to get some advice. It has been since 2014 since I was diagnosed with HSV. I don't know what type I have because it was a visual diagnosis. I don't think I have had an outbreak since then. I also haven't been on any medication for HSV.

          I've been thinking about dating again because I've been feeling so lonely and I want to meet someone. I've been with both men and women, although I know identify myself as being lesbian. I haven't dated/had sex with anyone since I found out I had HSV because I have been too afraid to disclose this information to anyone.  When is the right time to tell someone you have HSV? Should I start taking medication if I'm going to be dating? Is it necessary for me to find out what type I have? I have so many questions and I  feel like this extra obstacle has been stopping me from getting close to people. I'm so tired of being scared and alone, but I'm so afraid of being rejected. Does anyone have any experience or advice on this? Thanks.

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VVK Platinum Support Member

VVK

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Hi Janie,

There are many opinions on what the best time would be to disclose, if at all. Since you don't have a definite diagnosis and visual diagnoses are frequently inaccurate, you may want to get a IgG blood test. It also helps to know what type you have, since that can play into the conversation (i.e. most people already have cold sores, which are mostly HSV1). I think the best time to talk about it would be when you're comfortable enough to think about moving on to intimate behaviour. That's the point where you need to find out about one another's sexual history and health. It's not just your HSV that you should be concerned about but rather the big picture that includes any kind of infections that you or your partner may have. There are a lot more dangerous infections that may be in play.

Some people will react better than others to the idea of being exposed to HSV. If you look around the forums, however, you will see that there are many success stories and, since most people already carry one type of HSV or another, your chances are pretty good.

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  • 3 weeks later...
JBnATL Platinum Support Member

JBnATL

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You need to get tested ASAP.  Visual diagnosis is the LEAST accurate way to diagnose someone.  There is a good chance you aren't even a Herpster.

www.anylabtestnow.com will test you for $49

If you haven't had an outbreak since I would definitely get tested.


JB

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Janie725c Honeycomb Member

Janie725c

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Thank you! I just assumed that it was true because I was diagnosed at Planned Parenthood. I'm afraid of getting my hopes up that I'm not, but I guess I have to take a more active role in my health and just get the facts. Thank you both for the information.

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Lisajd Platinum Support Member

Lisajd

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If it does turn out that you do have HSV then in terms of Dating the way I see it is that one it is a two way street because you do need to know their status and also don't assume that someone will reject you because you don't know their own status and you don't know how they feel about it.  It is basically the stigma that lead us to believe that we will be rejected when in fact it is the opposite.  Apparently there is a survey on the UK HV a site that says about 80% accepted someone with herpes.  I have disclosed to two people that I have been sexual with as soon as I was diagnosed and they ran to the hills and then I have dated 3 people and it is not an issue and I have probably told at least four other men and again not an issue.  If you don't put yourself out there through fear of rejection then you will never meet anyone unless you choose to date someone off at herpes dating site

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    • CHT
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      By CHT · Posted

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      By Marlena · Posted

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