Jump to content

Is disclosing once good enough?

DrearyDaysAhead

By DrearyDaysAhead,
in Disclosure (telling)

 Share

Recommended Posts

DrearyDaysAhead Established Member

DrearyDaysAhead

Posted
Posted

What do you guys think about this. I told this guy who I'm interested in possibly having sex with that I have hsv2.

When I told him that, I didn't hear back from him for a few months. I figured he didn't think it was worth the risk. 

Low and behold,  he texts me out of the blue one day, acting like all was good and I never even disclosed.  So I said -"Do you remember what I told you about me?" And he said "Yup" and I said "ok good".  And that was it and neither one if us ever spoke of the dreaded herps again.

Well we had a first date yesterday and if he ever calls back and it gets to the point where we end up having sex, I'm wondering... is it okay to never mention it again? 

I mean...I told him once. He knows , unless he has amnesia. I am in the clear there, right?

 

Btw* this is not the first time it has went  this way for me. I always disclose before sex  (only been turned down once, so far) and then it's never spoken about again. I just want to put my conscience at ease. This is ok, right?

I mean, if I keep pushing the issue I feel it would make them more scared of it than they would be anyways. Is that a valid reasoning? 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
WilsoInAus Platinum Support Member

WilsoInAus

Posted
Posted

That's fully disclosed! And that's an appropriate way for herpes to be treated. He would have the expectation that you would advise that sex shouldn't occur if you have symptoms, but otherwise it need not play any role in your sexual connection.

  • staypositivelivelife and DrearyDaysAhead
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Malcolm Established Member

Malcolm

Posted
Posted (edited)

I personally wouldn't expose anyone to a life-long affliction even if they accept the risk. Accepting the risk does not avert him contracting it. I hope it turns out that you don't infect him and you can still get off.

Edited by Malcolm
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Herpes go away Established Member

Herpes go away

Posted
Posted

don't listen to anyone .. more than 90 percent of the people have herpes either genitally or I'm the form of cold sores .. the antivirals makers did a pretty good job at stigmatising a very common virus to which no1 really paid attention to in the earlier days .. it was called fever blisters earlier and people didn't give a flying **** about it.. it's just that our immune system was compromised at the primary infection that our body wasn't able to suppress the virus .. if u check people serologically as much as 90 percent people will have antibodies to either 1 or 2 but the thing is their immune systems have suppressed the virus well .. if u want to live a life of celibacy and loneliness think about it as life altering and whine all ur life .. the second option is forget about it and live your life .. it's just a  nuisance which u would get when ur worn out .. unfortunately for others it may be worse but then it depends on ur immune system .. go and live there is 90 percent chance the person u meet next already has herpes 

  • Labscientist and DrearyDaysAhead
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
DrearyDaysAhead Established Member

DrearyDaysAhead

Posted
  • Author
Posted
22 minutes ago, Mister Hyder said:

don't listen to anyone .. more than 90 percent of the people have herpes either genitally or I'm the form of cold sores .. the antivirals makers did a pretty good job at stigmatising a very common virus to which no1 really paid attention to in the earlier days .. it was called fever blisters earlier and people didn't give a flying **** about it.. it's just that our immune system was compromised at the primary infection that our body wasn't able to suppress the virus .. if u check people serologically as much as 90 percent people will have antibodies to either 1 or 2 but the thing is their immune systems have suppressed the virus well .. if u want to live a life of celibacy and loneliness think about it as life altering and whine all ur life .. the second option is forget about it and live your life .. it's just a  nuisance which u would get when ur worn out .. unfortunately for others it may be worse but then it depends on ur immune system .. go and live there is 90 percent chance the person u meet next already has herpes 

That's what I'm thinking too. I don't know about 90% having hsv2 but I'm pretty sure alot of people who don't even know have it, have it.

I have no plans to limit myself to only hsv positive people. I feel that as long as I'm honest, they are adults and can choose to do whatever they want to do. 

 

Thank you,  @Mister Hyder

  • staypositivelivelife
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
staypositivelivelife Honeycomb Member

staypositivelivelife

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Malcolm said:

I personally wouldn't expose anyone to a life-long affliction even if they accept the risk. Accepting the risk does not avert him contracting it. I hope it turns out that you don't infect him and you can still get off.

So your never having sex again? Come on guy thats ridiculous

  • DrearyDaysAhead
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Malcolm Established Member

Malcolm

Posted
Posted (edited)
30 minutes ago, staypositivelivelife said:

So your never having sex again? Come on guy thats ridiculous

No, I would never expose someone to possible lifelong angst and suffering, just so I can get off. That would be extremely selfish. Even if I were to disclose beforehand, it would be selfishly taking advantage of someone's naivety so that I can feel better about myself when I ruin their life.

Edited by Malcolm
  • luvurself16
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
luvurself16 Established Member

luvurself16

Posted
Posted
Just now, Malcolm said:

No, I would never expose someone to possible lifelong angst and suffering, just so I can get off. Even if I were to disclose beforehand, it would be selfishly taking advantage of someone's naivety so that I can feel better about myself.

I feel the same way. I am asexual. Six months ago my ex ( father of my child) wanted to rekindle our relationship but I turned him down to protect him. He doesn't know about my H+ status and even if he was accepting I could never live with myself  if I transmitted it to him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Malcolm Established Member

Malcolm

Posted
Posted (edited)
4 minutes ago, luvurself16 said:

I feel the same way. I am asexual. Six months ago my ex ( father of my child) wanted to rekindle our relationship but I turned him down to protect him. He doesn't know about my H+ status and even if he was accepting I could never live with myself  if I transmitted it to him.

I'm exactly the same. My girlfriend is currently pregnant to me. I refuse to be intimate with her, even though she insists on it. She insists that the infection doesn't seem "that bad" and therefore worth the risk. That's what I thought before I contracted this. In the same way, I couldn't live knowing I caused a permanent infection that she has to live with for the rest of her life.

Edited by Malcolm
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Malcolm Established Member

Malcolm

Posted
Posted (edited)

Disclosure should be a means to open a conversation about HSV and give the opportunity for the other person to disclose. Disclosure should not be used as a tool to guiltlessly take advantage of people's naivety to expose them to a life-long affliction just so you can get a root. That's my opinion.

Edited by Malcolm
Link to comment
Share on other sites
WilsoInAus Platinum Support Member

WilsoInAus

Posted
Posted

I am not sure why you are pious in respect of HSV-2. You mention nothing about your CMV and EBV status. I wonder how many people you have passed these to? How many old people have you sneezed on spreading a flu virus while walking past a hospital door?

These viruses can cause more serious issues than HSV. 

The human body is deigned to cope with viruses. We have about 80 of them, lifelong infections as you call them. Why does it matter if HSV is one of them or not?

  • DrearyDaysAhead
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
DrearyDaysAhead Established Member

DrearyDaysAhead

Posted
  • Author
Posted

@Malcolm are you saying that you're not going to have sex with the mother of your child, even thoigh she consents to the possible risk? I'm sorry to say but she will probably end up cheating on you or leaving at some point,  if that's the case. 

  • eightyfour and staypositivelivelife
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
staypositivelivelife Honeycomb Member

staypositivelivelife

Posted
Posted (edited)
26 minutes ago, Malcolm said:

No, I would never expose someone to possible lifelong angst and suffering, just so I can get off. That would be extremely selfish. Even if I were to disclose beforehand, it would be selfishly taking advantage of someone's naivety so that I can feel better about myself when I ruin their life.

doesn't even make sense..good luck wallowing in eternal misery

Edited by staypositivelivelife
  • DrearyDaysAhead and eightyfour
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
staypositivelivelife Honeycomb Member

staypositivelivelife

Posted
Posted (edited)
23 minutes ago, Malcolm said:

I'm exactly the same. My girlfriend is currently pregnant to me. I refuse to be intimate with her, even though she insists on it. She insists that the infection doesn't seem "that bad" and therefore worth the risk. That's what I thought before I contracted this. In the same way, I couldn't live knowing I caused a permanent infection that she has to live with for the rest of her life.

well what you are doing to her sir is much more emotionally destructive than this virus could ever be..get off your high horse

Edited by staypositivelivelife
  • DrearyDaysAhead
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Malcolm Established Member

Malcolm

Posted
Posted (edited)
33 minutes ago, DrearyDaysAhead said:

@Malcolm are you saying that you're not going to have sex with the mother of your child, even thoigh she consents to the possible risk? I'm sorry to say but she will probably end up cheating on you or leaving at some point,  if that's the case. 

And that's the tragedy of HSV. It's a virus that causes great suffering, not just in symptoms. I either infect someone with a lifelong disease, or I be cheated on. It's exactly why I don't want to give it to her.

Edited by Malcolm
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Malcolm Established Member

Malcolm

Posted
Posted (edited)
35 minutes ago, staypositivelivelife said:

well what you are doing to her sir is much more emotionally destructive than this virus could ever be..get off your high horse

That's the tragedy of HSV. I either infect her with a lifelong disease or I emotionally destroy her. This is exactly why I don't want to risk infecting anyone.

Edited by Malcolm
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Disc0rdant Acknowledged Support Member

Disc0rdant

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, DrearyDaysAhead said:

That's what I'm thinking too. I don't know about 90% having hsv2 but I'm pretty sure alot of people who don't even know have it, have it.

I have no plans to limit myself to only hsv positive people. I feel that as long as I'm honest, they are adults and can choose to do whatever they want to do. 

 

Thank you,  @Mister Hyder

Very happy for you.  Disclosure is enough.  Try to protect him.  Show love and care.  Life is good.

  • DrearyDaysAhead
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
luvurself16 Established Member

luvurself16

Posted
Posted (edited)
10 hours ago, WilsoInAus said:

I am not sure why you are pious in respect of HSV-2. You mention nothing about your CMV and EBV status. I wonder how many people you have passed these to? How many old people have you sneezed on spreading a flu virus while walking past a hospital door?

These viruses can cause more serious issues than HSV. 

The human body is deigned to cope with viruses. We have about 80 of them, lifelong infections as you call them. Why does it matter if HSV is one of them or not?

It matters because of the emotional toll it takes. Physically, for some, it's not that bad. For others it's constant  pain. People don't contemplate suicide over CMV, EBV or flu. Believe it or not I never had CMV, EBV or the flu. I never had a STD until this. My luck that its incurable. There are some people at my job that are aware of my status. I have a co-worker that I've known for years and who I have always gotten along with wouldn't come near me or touch me. This lifelong infection is modern day leprosy.

Edited by luvurself16
Link to comment
Share on other sites
luvurself16 Established Member

luvurself16

Posted
Posted
11 hours ago, Mister Hyder said:

don't listen to anyone .. more than 90 percent of the people have herpes either genitally or I'm the form of cold sores .. the antivirals makers did a pretty good job at stigmatising a very common virus to which no1 really paid attention to in the earlier days .. it was called fever blisters earlier and people didn't give a flying **** about it.. it's just that our immune system was compromised at the primary infection that our body wasn't able to suppress the virus .. if u check people serologically as much as 90 percent people will have antibodies to either 1 or 2 but the thing is their immune systems have suppressed the virus well .. if u want to live a life of celibacy and loneliness think about it as life altering and whine all ur life .. the second option is forget about it and live your life .. it's just a  nuisance which u would get when ur worn out .. unfortunately for others it may be worse but then it depends on ur immune system .. go and live there is 90 percent chance the person u meet next already has herpes 

Who says being celibate or asexual is a life full of loneliness? I have family and friends.

  • Freedom_Realized
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Donate

    If Honeycomb has helped you, please help us by making a donation so we can provide you with even better features and services.

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      71.9k
    • Total Posts
      485.2k

  • Posts

    • CHT
      HELP - IS THIS HERPES?

      By CHT · Posted

      Hi "firstimeuser".... let's see what "WilsoinAus" thinks but, for what's it worth, I don't see anything in your picture (or description) that looks like herpes..... it actually looks more like a scrape or follicle issue.... maybe even a bug bite.  Also, by the way, the odds of having HSV2 with an outbreak on your testicles is very low.... that is not a typical spot for an HSV2 outbreak.    Have your doctor take a look and if you want some peace of mind, get an IgG antibody test for HSV2 in about 12 weeks (takes that long for antibodies to develop).... but, again, I don't think you have anything to worry about here.... just not seeing anything herpes-related here.    take care....best of luck.
    • CHT
      HSV1/2 blood test results

      By CHT · Posted

      Hi Marlena..... since you stated you've had "herpes on the lips" then you likely have oral HSV1, which the majority of adults worldwide have... the fact your results for HSV1/2 are positive (at least I believe that's what your results show - I don't speak Polish but, I think I'm seeing your results are positive based on the attachment you included) may simply be reading the fact that you have HSV1.... the question is whether you've contracted HSV2 in your genital area. Your description of symptoms could possibly be related to HSV but, it's difficult to verify with certainty based on your description. You may also have contracted a different type of sexually transmitted infection (STI) or a simple fungal infection.   Your doctor does not believe what he/she is seeing is HSV but, unless your doctor has experience with HSV, they could easily misdiagnose your condition.  You need full STI testing. Do you have the option to travel to a larger city in Poland where you could get an appointment to be seen by a doctor with more experience with STIs?  You really need to have an experienced doctor take a look and run tests to check specifically for HSV2 as well as other STIs.  If they can rule out HSV2 or other STIs then hopefully they can then determine what is causing the redness, itching, and swollen condition.... again, it may not be HSV2 but, you need proper testing to verify.  Have you talked to your boyfriend about all this?  Has he had any symptoms on his genitals that are suspect?  Has he taken any tests to check for STIs?   I hope you can get more definitive testing so you know what you are dealing with and how best to treat it.  If you have any other questions/concerns, please come back and let us know.... I hope this helps a little.... best of luck.... take care.
    • CHT
      SUCCESS STORY: Herpes is an opportunity to built trust and connection through vulnerability.

      By CHT · Posted

      Hey Jeremy.... I know only too well that emotional pain you are feeling.... I really do.... and many of us on this site also know that pain.  It's not so much the physical side of having HSV that hurts, it's the stigma and risk of rejection that stings like hell!  You have to do what you think is right as it relates to when you disclose your HSV status when getting to know someone romantically.... I just think it's best to do it relatively early, and certainly before any sexual activity.   Have you looked into dating sites that cater to those with HSV?  I know others have had some luck with meeting partners on these sites.... you don't have to worry about the "disclosure" talk nor would you obviously have to worry about passing along a virus the other person already has.... take a few minutes and search around and see if it's an option you like. By the way, by taking your daily antiviral med and using a condom, your risk of passing along the virus is down around 1.9%.... pretty good odds that if you stick to your regimen you are very unlikely to transmit the virus....keep that in mind when you meet your next girlfriend and need to have "the talk."  That statistic might help calm any concerns about contracting the virus from you. I hope you don't give up.... as tough as it can be to find the right partner, it's still worth trying.... try to stay optimistic and look into some alternate options and see what happens.... all the best.... take care.
    • FirstTimeUser
      HELP - IS THIS HERPES?

      By FirstTimeUser · Posted

      @WilsoInAuswould appreciate your thoughts as have seen you comment quite a bit before!
    • Marlena
      HSV1/2 blood test results

      By Marlena · Posted

      Good morning. My name is Marlena and I come from Poland. Sorry, my English is average. For two years I have been in a relationship with a man, for a year and a half I have been struggling with intimate problems. On average, my intimate condition is getting worse every month. Then I feel itching, redness, swelling around the entrance to the vagina, small blisters (not always). Most often it is only red and swollen, itches and then disappears. This state lasts 3-4 days. I come from a small town, doctors don't know what it is. They say it's 'skin irritation'. They prescribe moisturizing creams with lactic acid, probiotics. It doesn't help. I did a blood test for HSV on my own, which is very expensive in Poland, but it does not separate HSV1 from HSV2. The doctor, when he shows these results, says that it's not herpes, but irritation. I would like to add that in the past I suffered from herpes on the lips, then it was a 'scab'. There has never been a scab in an intimate area. Sometimes there are blisters that last 1-2 days, but not always. So what do high blood test results mean? I would like to add that in Poland people do not talk about the HSV virus. It's just that sometimes someone has it on their lips and that's it. Results translation: IgM HSV 1/2: questionable IgG HSV 1/2: result above the measuring range https://files.fm/f/4cpu7uee4  
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.

  I accept