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Will I ever find someone who excepts me?

Asue

By Asue,
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Asue Honeycomb Member

Asue

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It's been hard since breaking up with my ex because I felt like he really excepted me for what I have and it's hard finding someone that understands. Does it ever get easier?

  • staypositivelivelife
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Disc0rdant Acknowledged Support Member

Disc0rdant

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Getting accepted and loved is not just a herpes centric thing.  My "hidden agenda" is "to be loved".  We all get rejected.  Sometimes over and over.  I am now much more ok alone than 2 yrs ago.  I think part of life is accepting yourself.  I accept me and all my imperfections.  

Also:

"I am good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it people like me"

-Stuart Smalley

  • West end gal, Freedom_Realized and Unrequited
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Freedom_Realized Honeycomb Member

Freedom_Realized

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It does get easier.  I know it's hard, but it will get easier.  Maybe now is a good time to focus on yourself?

Check out the section, The Secret to my Success, for some beautiful inspiration.  

  • LillianPanos
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Disc0rdant Acknowledged Support Member

Disc0rdant

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Asue-  Another thing.  We all have ranges of emotions.  Like tonight.  I would like someone here just to hold on to.  It is human to want to love.  You cant force love.  But.  You can show love and love with reckless abandon.  I am getting to the point where I sometimes dont care at all.  Especially if I have eaten well, slept well, relaxed...  It might be my personality type, though.  We tend to be ok "alone" and w/o a partner but like to socialize.    My ex didnt like how much space I was ok with.  She typically was the one who needed space.  Meh....  

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wildman Established Member

wildman

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All you can do is accept yourself. And if someone else won't accept you, then that's their problem. Rejection happens to everyone, but most of it isn't justified. People are terrible at judging things, so most people take mental shortcuts to make snap decisions: a person with a speech impediment must be stupid, an overweight person must be lazy, an investment banker must be an empty, superficial, narcissist sociopath like Patrick Bateman . . . we all judge, and few people are good at it when they do NOT have all the facts, or when they substitute the facts they wish were true - it's really hard to get someone to even listen to the actual facts if they have already judged things . . . that would require "being wrong" or "changing one's mind" - very difficult stuff . . . that's why everyone says "reserve judgement," but then few actually do . . . hence, we see people resort to superficial rejection of high-quality things all over the place!

If you want to be accepted, lead with the good stuff. Show your strengths, try to show your integrity, intelligence, humor, then try to show your understanding of the other person - empathy, connection, compassion, then show you have the courage and confidence to reveal your own imperfections.

If you firmly believe that it's not worth your time to hang about with someone who gets judgemental over your small imperfections, especially after they know all of the other great things you bring to the table, or at least if you convincing act this way - then if another does get judgemental, then you can take satisfaction in calling them on it. 

Depending on your mood, you could imply (in so many words) how glad you are that they revealed the shallowness of their character, and their tendency to rush to bad judgements, before you wasted any more of your time dealing with their particular brand superficial nonsense. At that point, you can cut ties with the person completely, and move on. If they come crawling back, you can then dictate the (harsh) terms under which you will entertain the possibility of giving them another chance. If they don't come crawling back, your life is easier because you are now free to find someone better.

The trick is to not tolerate unjustified negative judgements. Not even a little bit. If you send a strong and consistent signal that you will not tolerate such behavior, you will find that most people will assume that you must know something (perhaps more than they do). This is disarming and can disrupt judgment cycles that are already in process. If you have facts and numbers you can throw around with ease, that's even better.  As soon as a potentially judgemental person admits that they have no idea what they are taking about, that's when you have them - and you can proceed to casually beat the truth into their head whether they like it or not. And after the other person's judgmental spirit is broken, you can then be gentle and play the good cop, building them back up to embrace your more informed version of the facts. The rest is easy. If you do this, and the other person bolts, then it was never meant to be.

  • West end gal, LWestCoast, Freedom_Realized and 3 others
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LiveLife100 Established Member

LiveLife100

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@staypositivelivelife, you can absolutely have a full, healthy, happy life including a family! I was diagnosed with HSV-2 and went on to meet and marry my husband and have 2 children. Our life together couldn't be more normal! 17 years later together and he does not have HSV (not that it matters if you were with someone that did or did not). I have to say though, that he entirely accepted the risk and is actually quite surprised that he hasn't acquired it. This virus does not define you or your limitations!

  • West end gal, staypositivelivelife, LillianPanos and 1 other
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staypositivelivelife Honeycomb Member

staypositivelivelife

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21 hours ago, LiveLife100 said:

@staypositivelivelife, you can absolutely have a full, healthy, happy life including a family! I was diagnosed with HSV-2 and went on to meet and marry my husband and have 2 children. Our life together couldn't be more normal! 17 years later together and he does not have HSV (not that it matters if you were with someone that did or did not). I have to say though, that he entirely accepted the risk and is actually quite surprised that he hasn't acquired it. This virus does not define you or your limitations!

Yes but a female with a relatively new infection is quite risky in the childbirth department no? I have hsv2(male) and potential partner doesnt

Edited by staypositivelivelife
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LiveLife100 Established Member

LiveLife100

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5 hours ago, staypositivelivelife said:

Yes but a female with a relatively new infection is quite risky in the childbirth department no? I have hsv2(male) and potential partner doesnt

Not sure what you mean by risky? If your partner is pregnant and HSV negative but there is concern she may acquire it during late term pregnancy... just work with your Dr. They are very well-versed with HSV and potential complications. A natural childbirth during a primary OB is risky and in this situation a c-section would be the route to go. 

  • staypositivelivelife
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Disc0rdant Acknowledged Support Member

Disc0rdant

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I dont think she is pregnant.  You can literally have her manually put your sperm up there if there are concerns about unprotected sex and transmission.

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staypositivelivelife Honeycomb Member

staypositivelivelife

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24 minutes ago, Disc0rdant said:

I dont think she is pregnant.  You can literally have her manually put your sperm up there if there are concerns about unprotected sex and transmission.

huh?

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staypositivelivelife Honeycomb Member

staypositivelivelife

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3 hours ago, Disc0rdant said:

I am confused, now.....  no worries.

me too I never said shes pregnant and as far as telling her hey you can just self impregnate yourself ..I dont think any female wants to hear that

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Disc0rdant Acknowledged Support Member

Disc0rdant

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On 3/12/2017 at 7:53 PM, staypositivelivelife said:

me too I never said shes pregnant and as far as telling her hey you can just self impregnate yourself ..I dont think any female wants to hear that

Lol.  I am blunt.  I like your writing style.  Wish you the best w it.  I was just giving an alternative.  

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valleynovascotia Acknowledged Support Member

valleynovascotia

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On ‎2017‎-‎03‎-‎07 at 6:54 PM, Asue said:

It's been hard since breaking up with my ex because I felt like he really excepted me for what I have and it's hard finding someone that understands. Does it ever get easier?

I feel the same way, Your not alone,

  • staypositivelivelife
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