hi I'm new here and devastated

[Tif Mitchell]

Hi everyone I'm new here, and devastated. I'm recently diagnosed, I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. I've been doing a lot of research. I found out that herpes are environmental, cats can have it, Dr's say it's incurable, but I've read of natural substances that can kill, eradicate, or put it in remission. I had no symptoms or ob. I still have many questions like what do I do now? My dating life is over, how do I tell my loved ones without feeling dirty? Does this mean I can't have a child(dren)? The stigma is really getting to me. I cry a lot. How do I not stress n cause an ob? Can anyone help me please?

[Cas9]

A lot of what you say is inaccurate. Can't talk right now though; it's late and I'm sleepy

[luvurself16]

1 hour ago, Tif Mitchell said:

Hi everyone I'm new here, and devastated. I'm recently diagnosed, I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. I've been doing a lot of research. I found out that herpes are environmental, cats can have it, Dr's say it's incurable, but I've read of natural substances that can kill, eradicate, or put it in remission. I had no symptoms or ob. I still have many questions like what do I do now? My dating life is over, how do I tell my loved ones without feeling dirty? Does this mean I can't have a child(dren)? The stigma is really getting to me. I cry a lot. How do I not stress n cause an ob? Can anyone help me please?

What do you do now? Live your life. Start going to therapy to discuss your feelings. Never have unprotected sex and always disclose to your sexual partners. You can still have kids. Herpes does not affect fertility. Try yoga or something else to relieve stress. Also, look around this website for information.

[Tif Mitchell]

I recently went to see a new therapist to express how I felt about it. I've never known about this honestly. And I know that sounds crazy or naive.. But it's true. I don't get why Dr's don't test for this when they test for the other std's/sti's yet the Dr's claim it's common. Smh. U have to ask for the test specifically. This test was kinda different from me cuz I've gotten blood tests done b4, but why don't they screen for it naturally? How can it be false positives and negatives on an "accurate test?" My Dr didn't have any answers for me about that. And honestly... I'm skeptical and questioning everything. 

[LilyMae]

Hi Tif. Sorry you have had this news. But welcome to Honeycomb. First, take a deep breath. You are okay. You have been okay and you will continue to be okay. You don't need to tell anyone you aren't going to sleep with. That is the only reason it will ever be anyone's business besides yours and maybe your medical practitioners'. There are a lot of people who never have any noticeable symptoms. Hopefully this will continue to be you. How were you diagnosed, if you don't mind my asking?

Your dating life is not over. You are not dirty and anyone who makes you feel like you are is doing so out of ignorance or is a jerk. The stigma is tough to deal with but it is corporate manufactured garbage. Until the seventies, when antiviral treatments became available there was virtually no stigma. But then the pharmaceutical industry needed to market the antivirals. How do you get people to spend billions of dollars on medication most of them don't really need? Well the answer the pharmaceutical industry came up with is that you make those people hate themselves. You make them ashamed and afraid of their own bodies and tell them no one will ever want them again. It's a load of crap. You are still exactly the same you that existed before your diagnosis. Certain parts of your life might be a little more complex now but if you educate yourself about hsv and take your time with things, you may actually come to see that change as, if not good, not nearly as hard as it seems right now. I've had hsv for 21 years. I was diagnosed when I was 24. It was hard at first but in the long run it hasn't really been that big a deal. I take my time getting to know new partners before I decide if they are really someone I want to let into my life. That had weeded out a lot of jerks. I am engaged to a great guy. We've been together 12 years. He's handsome, funny, smart and the kindest person I know. He's also hsv negative. You can definitely still have children. When you are ready there is a lot of great advice here about how to give the talk to a new partner. It's nerve wracking but if you are confident and open it can actually make the person respect you more and bring you closer together. 

Sending you good thoughts and a hug. Please feel free to private message me if you need anything.

[Tif Mitchell]

Wow. Thank you sooo much. I'm just one emotional woman lately. I'm crying as I right this. Wow you just have me some hope back. Thank you very much for your kind words of wisdom, calmness, and inspiration after devastation. I was diagnosed via blood test. How about you?  I've looked up the pharmaceutical anti drugs and yeah no.... I don't want those meds. My uncle just died as a result of not only organ failure, but the meds they gave him caused his organ failure. I read somethings. And I know u can spread hsv2 to the child if u have an ob n delivery vaginally. I would constantly get BV or Yeast infections n take meds to clear them. Until I begin to eat yogurt. 

That's the thing... I'm used to saying I'm fine or clean and now my status is different now. I'm still shocked n want to be in denial. How did u come out to your loved ones about it? Was it hard for u? How did u feel afterwards. I feel like an elephant is on my chest and in my throat. 

[honeybunch]

Hello Tif, do you know that 90% of americans have HSV1(oral herpes) without them knowing it because some or most are asymptomatic(no symptoms) but can still pass on the virus just by sharing a drink. So don't dwell so much on sadness and depression, instead do research, help yourself and other people find the cure or treatment to Herpes.

 

source: http://www.thebody.com/h/what-percent-of-americans-have-herpes.html/

[LilyMae]

I decided not to tell anyone but the people I've decided I might sleep with and a few friends who told me they had it. For me, I decided there was nothing my family could do anyway so why worry them. I've probably told something like 12 or 15 people and they've all been super cool and supportive about it. I've literally never had anyone be mean about it. I know it does happen sometimes, people not being cool about it. It's just never happened to me. 

I was diagnosed in 1996 by a swab test. Back then it was like the Dark Ages. There was no internet. No support groups I ever found. You just got a one page pamphlet, folded in thirds like a herpes brochure, and a good luck loser from the clinic. Lol It took me like 7 years to find out about the dietary stuff associated with hsv. It's way better now. My advice is to give yourself some time to cry and rage and work through the stages of grief. But to try to get through that and not let it become a fixation or feel like some kind of huge doom in your life. There are people who have a very hard physical time with hsv but it's a tiny percentage. And if you don't have physical symptoms, your attitude about hsv is what will shape your experience of it. Also, I think it's helpful to really try to give up terminology like dirty and clean in regard to your body and character and sexual health. They are not constructive and will make you feel oppressed by hsv and by artificial, old-fashioned societal fears of anything vaguely related to sex.

I'm in the group that doesn't respond that well to the antivirals. I've got lots of advice about natural remedies if you want any when you're ready. There's also an excellent section here on national healing. Don't worry about the baby thing. Hsv is very common. Obgyn's are good at dealing with it. Vaginal births are still the most common. If you have an outbreak close to the birth they can always do a cesarean. 

[LilyMae]

Also, so sorry about your uncle. That's terrible. 

[jsdb75]

I'm newly diagnosed as well and I'm really struggling with things. I find myself pushing my partner away because I don't feel I am good enough for her anymore and I'm really confused about what our future will look like together. She has been amazing through this whole thing and I know I will regret it if I lose her butt I continue pushing her away because I want to protect her. Does anyone have any thoughts about this?

[JBnATL]

12 hours ago, honeybunch said:

Hello Tif, do you know that 90% of americans have HSV1(oral herpes) without them knowing it because some or most are asymptomatic(no symptoms) but can still pass on the virus just by sharing a drink.

The ONLY way to spread this virus is from skin to skin contact.  You can't spread it from a cup.

JB

[honeybunch]

Research was conducted at the Medical Center of the University of Maryland and it revealed that Herpes Simplex Virus 1 can spread as oral herpes through sharing a drink or utensils. It is technically possible to get herpes from a person with whom you are sharing a drink directly or through straws out of a glass or a utensil.

source: http://www.livingwithherpes12.com/can-you-get-herpes-from-sharing-a-drink/

[honeybunch]

6 minutes ago, JBnATL said:

The ONLY way to spread this virus is from skin to skin contact.  You can't spread it from a cup.

JB

It becomes possible when there is some amount of saliva left on the portion of a glass when you share a drink or on the straw which is being used. If you drink immediately from that very same portion of the straw or the glass, you may come into contact with that saliva. There is a possibility of the oral herpes virus getting transmitted once the saliva gets transferred.

[honeybunch]

Oral herpes is also spread via contact with secretions, but since we’re talking about the mouth, that takes on a myriad of forms.

It’s very safe to say that sharing any or all of the following with a person who has oral herpes increases your risks of getting the same:

• Lipstick
• Lip Balms (chapstick, etc.)
• Eating Utensils
• Cigarettes
• Smoking devices (pipes, etc.)
• Toothbrushes
• Razors

There’s no getting around it — almost anything that comes in contact with the mouth is going to transmit herpes type 1. Plus, it does not have to be active (as in, noticeable) to be spread. So something as innocent as a grandparent kissing a child can spread HSV-1.

source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/thomas-p-connelly-dds/lip-balm-herpes_b_984665.html

[WilsoInAus]

That's just sensationalist claptrap!

There is no scientific evidence for any of this.

Everything is possible in theory, such as an asteroid coming from the belt to destroy Earth. It hasn't happened in 4 billion years!!

[Tif Mitchell]

LilyMae yes I have been looking at herbal meds and taking some also for 8 days now. I don't want to take pharmaceutical meds. And thank you for your condolences. And many ppl know deaths are stressful and stress triggers obs. Please every bit of information helps.

[Tif Mitchell]

Jsdb75 I know how u feel and are thinking I feel that way now. Like this guy I have a crush on. Now I feel like we'll NVR have a chance. I've liked him since I was 6yrs old he's my first crush. 

[Tif Mitchell]

LilyMae apart of me feels like my mom kinda knows or suspect something. Cuz my ex is the reason I've ever heard of herpes in my life! And he wasn't honest with me. He was a liar. I hate him still. My mom says I should forgive him. But how? Why should I? He's changed my life forever and in the worst way possible. Apart of me feels like this is a valuable lesson... As well as testimony and a reason for me to be extra extra careful and standoffish when it comes to dating now. I kinda feel like giving up dreams of a family. But I have this Lil bit of drive to continue.

[WilsoInAus]

whoa @Tif Mitchell you are getting well ahead here.

At present, you have no reason to believe that you have anything other than an oral HSV-1 infection... just like 4 billion people on the planet. Everyone one of them can live their dreams!

[Tif Mitchell]

My test also confirmed hsv2 & the antibodies were the same for my hsv2 test results. My hsv1 levels had increased by 20. Yet the so called obs were NVR present on my genitals n the antibacterial creams I used weren't the type used for hsv2 n the bumps cleared. So I'm confused on that just like my drs. How's that possible? @WilsoInAus

Edited March 12, 2017 by Tif Mitchell

[WilsoInAus]

I think your HSV-1 result was capped at 5 or 8 in the first test?

What were the results for HSV-2 in your two tests?

Edited March 12, 2017 by WilsoInAus

[Malcolm]

19 hours ago, luvurself16 said:

What do you do now? Live your life. Start going to therapy to discuss your feelings. Never have unprotected sex and always disclose to your sexual partners. You can still have kids. Herpes does not affect fertility. Try yoga or something else to relieve stress. Also, look around this website for information.

Not being a smart-ass here, just curious, how are you supposed to have kids if you can't ever have unprotected sex? All I can think of is IVF. Is that what you meant?

[luvurself16]

1 hour ago, Malcolm said:

Not being a smart-ass here, just curious, how are you supposed to have kids if you can't ever have unprotected sex? All I can think of is IVF. Is that what you meant?

Yes ... or use a turkey baster!

[LilyMae]

3 hours ago, Tif Mitchell said:

My mom says I should forgive him.

Forgiveness is very powerful for the person who forgives. It means that you can let go of being angry and hurt and spending any of your precious life and energy thinking about it and sort of psychically chewing on it. It's great. But, lets be real. That might take some time to get to that. And that's okay. You don't have to be in a hurry for any of this. In fact, slowing down is one of the great life lessons of hsv. You don't have to be stand offish about dating. But one strategy you could take is to go slow and develop a friendship before you decide if the person you are interested in is someone you feel comfortable confiding in with personal information. Eventually you'll be confident enough to just get it out there and own it. It's your life experience and it is every bit as valid and acceptable as anyone else's. When things feel dark, remember that. You are okay. Remember that. 

For me another great lesson of hsv is compassion. It has helped me to remember that you really never know what someone is dealing with in areas of their lives we don't know about. And be compassionate with yourself. Especially as women and girls, we are taught to be harder on and more judgemental with with ourselves than we would ever be with other people. Give yourself lots and lots of love. Not in some shallow spa-like consumer way, but in a deep kind of family way.  The way you would care for a sick or sad relative. And keep breathing. It sounds stupid but it'll help. Deep cleansing breaths. And if you get overwhelmed in a moment check out some of the guided meditations for quieting the mind and stress relief on YouTube. They have been very helpful to me.

[Lisajd]

On Monday, March 13, 2017 at 7:55 AM, WilsoInAus said:

That's just sensationalist claptrap!

There is no scientific evidence for any of this.

Everything is possible in theory, such as an asteroid coming from the belt to destroy Earth. It hasn't happened in 4 billion years!!

And don't forget the coconuts