Faithful for 5 years, new HSV 2 Positive, partner negative? How? Help!

[wookoo]

I had been with the same guy for 5 years. we did have a break 18 months and 6 months ago, but I did not meet or have sex with anyway during our breaks.   When we reconnected I was reluctant to resume sexual contact, we had both, asked about other sexual partners during our breaks, and although he had made new friends he had denied any sexual contact and I believed him. 

Five weeks after we started having sex again, I had visual signs on my labia. I had just stayed with a friend in Devon and she is not the most hygienic of people so I thought maybe I had picked up an infection; I first noticed nerve pain, had a look when I was in the bath and noticed a red lump.  On closer inspection I thought it was a spot.  The nerve pain wasn’t too bad but the next day I had 2 lumps and they looked like they were coming to a head. Because I was unsure of his activities’ during our breaks, I asked him again and he again said no. He had a look by this time the spots looked more like ulcers and I was beginning to worry.  However he was willing to attend the GUM clinic and he actually went before me as I had work commitments.

 

The Doctor and the nurse at the GUM clinic said my sores looked clean and were really unsure.  The Doctor did a speculum to view my cervix the only thing I was shocked at is that she did not use sterile gloves, just normal gloves, and she did have to change speculums and didn’t change her gloves when she eventually decided to take a swab.  Not sure why I am stating this its just I keep going over things in my mind.

 

I get a text a week later to say all my results are clear, great my partner and I resume sexual contact.

 

Imagine my surprise when another week goes by and I am rung by the clinic to advise me that my PCR swab tested positive! I was in despair, and I naturally thought he must have exposed me during our break, I wasn’t angry just upset and spoke to him, he was concerned didn’t really deny a different partner in the last year but he did decide to pay for a private blood test as the NHS do not provide these.  His private blood test was negative for HSV1 & 2.  I had been calm until this occurred, I truly thought maybe he had exposed me whilst we were on a break, seeing his negative result has totally thrown both of us and left me in particular feeling isolated, upset, confused and vulnerable.

 

They did state that I could have had the virus laying dormant for years, but they didn’t seem to believe me when I said I had never had any other episodes of sores, which is really unfair.  Most people catch this within 2 weeks of exposure, I am totally confused, as he has been my only sexual partner in 6 years.

 

After all the attempts to reunite and me not wanting to sleep with anyone else, He was calm at first, surprised even by his own negative result, but then the mistrust and anger and paranoia set in.

 

I have been left lost and confused, He obviously thinks that I have been with somebody else and I know that I haven't. He has hacked my social media and accused me of all sorts, I have been interrogated it has been awful.  I would not have wanted to, or had the energy at 52. I loved him and hadn't set eyes on anyone else!  I am myself a healthcare professional and I believe myself to be aware of my own anatomy and I know that I had never noticed sores before, but for the last 18 months had been noticing nerve pain which I had attributed to stress.  I have been through a month of hell, we had to split up, because he couldn't believe me and I couldn't keep defending myself it was making me ill and I was frightened that the stress would create a recurrence I have now been left alone and distressed at 52.

 

Herpes in a very stigmatized illness, and the research and tests appear to be very ambiguous, I'm still not convinced that you cannot catch it from a toilet!! How do you get passed this feeling? I feel like I just lost my womanhood and my man all in one go, and yet I hadn't been unfaithful it’s just so heartbreaking.  Has anyone else suffered the same experience I am lost and confused, please feel free to share you thoughts.

[Lisajd]

There are many situations where the virus has lay dormant and something has caused you to have an outbreak and some people don't even have an outbreak at all which you probably have read in the research.  Also possible is that your partner has been infected in the last 3 months and therefore does not show up on blood test as yet but that depends on the timing of your sex and your outbreak and his testing

In terms of your feelings about this it shouldn't change how you feel about yourself it is a virus nothing more than that and it is just a stigma that makes you feel the way you do and the reality about that is that most people are and educated and probably have it themselves.

Unfortunately when you have sex you risk catching an STD and even the safest people can also catch it.  And this texting is not standard for herpes you could meet a person who says they are clean when in fact they are not.  If your guy doesn't stand by you than he is not the guy for you as sad as that is to hear I have experienced it myself and you just learn to deal with it like any other break up.  The way I see it is that it doesn't stop you from living a normal life and it really doesn't kill you and that's how I get through this because to me I've been through plenty of other things and there is no point in being miserable over something that is not worth it

[wookoo]

15 hours ago, Lisajd said:

There are many situations where the virus has lay dormant and something has caused you to have an outbreak and some people don't even have an outbreak at all which you probably have read in the research.  Also possible is that your partner has been infected in the last 3 months and therefore does not show up on blood test as yet but that depends on the timing of your sex and your outbreak and his testing

In terms of your feelings about this it shouldn't change how you feel about yourself it is a virus nothing more than that and it is just a stigma that makes you feel the way you do and the reality about that is that most people are and educated and probably have it themselves.

Unfortunately when you have sex you risk catching an STD and even the safest people can also catch it.  And this texting is not standard for herpes you could meet a person who says they are clean when in fact they are not.  If your guy doesn't stand by you than he is not the guy for you as sad as that is to hear I have experienced it myself and you just learn to deal with it like any other break up.  The way I see it is that it doesn't stop you from living a normal life and it really doesn't kill you and that's how I get through this because to me I've been through plenty of other things and there is no point in being miserable over something that is not worth it

 

[wookoo]

Thanks so much for this I did explain that to him regarding the blood test. To be honest I am realising that if he doesn't know the person I am or is not willing to believe me then he never knew me at all. Im not even sure he is telling the truth, but I do not have the energy to argue.  He now says if his next result is positive then he will know he caught it from me!! Which is possible but more probable is he had a dangerous liaison and is too secretive to admit it.

He hacked all my social media in an attempt to expose me as some kind of liar this is the sad side of Herpes surfacing that despite being totally honest you feel like you are treated like a guilty criminal. I know I can hold my head up high and my only regret is that I went back with him in the first place.

I am exploring ways to deal with this and so far I feel ok x