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Absolutely gutted

suspensiongirl

By suspensiongirl,
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suspensiongirl Honeycomb Member

suspensiongirl

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So, have been seeing this awesome guy, who I quite like for a few weeks, haven't slept with him, and told him this morning (he stayed last night as it was my birthday and we hung out) about being a herpster.

I had been wanting to tell him from the start but had been way to nervous and chickened out each time, but we were in bed talking about sex etc and I told him. Possibly the worst place possible, but it had to be aired.

He was ok with it at the time, it was just before he got up to go to work, and I said to him he can ask any questions at all, gave him an out, and said if he wants to run I can understand. I re-iterated everything when he messaged me and asked me questions after He left, gave him the out, and he said he wasn't going to run, but just wants to be friends for now, I am so gutted, I'm actually in tears, this is the first time it's happened, I haven't been in a relationship since finding out like 8 years ago, and this could have been heading that way.

I'm so gutted that I have missed out on a great guy, I'm so angry that I have herpes, I'm so frustrated, I'm so... I don't know. it's times like this that I really really wish I didn't have herpes, and the stupid thing is I haven't had an outbreak for ages and the stress of rejection will probably bring one on

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WilsoInAus Platinum Support Member

WilsoInAus

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Oh no that's a shame. I'm sorry that the level of maturity wasn't quite there within him to at least let the news sit with him before reaching such a 'friends' conclusion.

There is absolutely nothing amiss in your actions, that is exactly the way many would play it (amongst the small percentage that disclose).

I really hope he does see through this and realise he has acted hastily. A beautiful soul eclipses herpes every time.

 

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realscience77 Honeycomb Member

realscience77

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1 hour ago, suspensiongirl said:

So, have been seeing this awesome guy, who I quite like for a few weeks, haven't slept with him, and told him this morning (he stayed last night as it was my birthday and we hung out) about being a herpster.

I had been wanting to tell him from the start but had been way to nervous and chickened out each time, but we were in bed talking about sex etc and I told him. Possibly the worst place possible, but it had to be aired.

He was ok with it at the time, it was just before he got up to go to work, and I said to him he can ask any questions at all, gave him an out, and said if he wants to run I can understand. I re-iterated everything when he messaged me and asked me questions after He left, gave him the out, and he said he wasn't going to run, but just wants to be friends for now, I am so gutted, I'm actually in tears, this is the first time it's happened, I haven't been in a relationship since finding out like 8 years ago, and this could have been heading that way.

I'm so gutted that I have missed out on a great guy, I'm so angry that I have herpes, I'm so frustrated, I'm so... I don't know. it's times like this that I really really wish I didn't have herpes, and the stupid thing is I haven't had an outbreak for ages and the stress of rejection will probably bring one on

Keep your head up. I get angry sometimes that the life I used to have was taken from me, from us, from all of us. I've had the Herp for almost 2 years and haven't had the balls to have the talk. Not even close to doing it. I havent really dated much outside of the PS site which hasnt been too bad actually.  I commend you for having the strength to do it. From what I hear it will get easier for us. As they say, this too shall pass! 

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suspensiongirl Honeycomb Member

suspensiongirl

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1 hour ago, WilsoInAus said:

Oh no that's a shame. I'm sorry that the level of maturity wasn't quite there within him to at least let the news sit with him before reaching such a 'friends' conclusion.

There is absolutely nothing amiss in your actions, that is exactly the way many would play it (amongst the small percentage that disclose).

I really hope he does see through this and realise he has acted hastily. A beautiful soul eclipses herpes every time.

 

Thanks Wilson, you truly are a gem, and havent changed since the last time i was on regularly on here a few years back. I have asked him if I can see him when he finishes work so I can explain stuff in more detail, I have a habit of just blurting it out and not actually thinking about how I'm wording it, he hasn't replied yet, so the ball is in his court, I don't want to pressure him into anything, I just want to explain it better than I have

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suspensiongirl Honeycomb Member

suspensiongirl

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34 minutes ago, realscience77 said:

Keep your head up. I get angry sometimes that the life I used to have was taken from me, from us, from all of us. I've had the Herp for almost 2 years and haven't had the balls to have the talk. Not even close to doing it. I havent really dated much outside of the PS site which hasnt been too bad actually.  I commend you for having the strength to do it. From what I hear it will get easier for us. As they say, this too shall pass! 

Thanks Real, i have had the talk many times, but never have been in this situation, I think I exacerbated the situation because I didn't tell him straight away and I haven't explained it properly... like I told him I'm on suppressive therapy, but didn't even talk transmission rates etc which is what I want to explain to him, if he gives me the chance

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Lisajd Platinum Support Member

Lisajd

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Please dont ever say 

3 hours ago, suspensiongirl said:

gave him an out, and said if he wants to run I can understand

Please never say this.  You are basically saying that herpes is a bad thing and you would understand if he wants to do a runner

I always say i have the herpes virus.  Its not ideal but im ok with it.   If things are going to progress you need to know so you can make a decision to progress or not.  I say with meds and condoms its 1% risk.  

Then its in their court.  I tell upfront as opposed to risking my feelings.  Just cause he said no dont assume they all will ok.  Ive been there it sux but it really means hes not the right guy.  

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LillianPanos Platinum Support Member

LillianPanos

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Hi I commend you for your honesty. Just keep being honest.   You sound very smart and willing! Hang in there you will find someone I did...

Just now, suspensiongirl said:

So, have been seeing this awesome guy, who I quite like for a few weeks, haven't slept with him, and told him this morning (he stayed last night as it was my birthday and we hung out) about being a herpster.

I had been wanting to tell him from the start but had been way to nervous and chickened out each time, but we were in bed talking about sex etc and I told him. Possibly the worst place possible, but it had to be aired.

He was ok with it at the time, it was just before he got up to go to work, and I said to him he can ask any questions at all, gave him an out, and said if he wants to run I can understand. I re-iterated everything when he messaged me and asked me questions after He left, gave him the out, and he said he wasn't going to run, but just wants to be friends for now, I am so gutted, I'm actually in tears, this is the first time it's happened, I haven't been in a relationship since finding out like 8 years ago, and this could have been heading that way.

I'm so gutted that I have missed out on a great guy, I'm so angry that I have herpes, I'm so frustrated, I'm so... I don't know. it's times like this that I really really wish I didn't have herpes, and the stupid thing is I haven't had an outbreak for ages and the stress of rejection will probably bring one on

 

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Disc0rdant Acknowledged Support Member

Disc0rdant

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Posted (edited)

What's done is done.  I would say the main thing to do is.....  Nothing.  His feelings for you likely have not changed.  Mine didnt.  But.  What happened was I already knew that we were bad together.  For some reason, her and I were a disaster together.  Probably because I need lots of space to be in a healthy rship and she didnt.  Then she would push me away.  Then I wouldnt trust her.  

Let him chase you.  I broke up w her.  I would have chased her as a friend but she got angry w me.  The last time we texted, she told me she got married after dating a guy for 3 mos and is divorcing him after a week of marriage.  We never had sex but love doesnt equal sex for me.  I will always be there for her.  Always.  I texted her that after she harmed herself that night.  I think the guy she married is prob a really good guy....

Long story short....  Dont wait for him.  Do not reach out.  Let him think.  Men need time to think.  When he returns tell him every little thing you will do to protect him if he asks about a sexual rship at some point.  Dont bring it up until he does.  That is my advice after going thru it.  She chased.  

I am weird, though.  I want someone who loves me.  All of me.  But I dont want the physical risk hsv2 could present to me.  I ride a bicycle 4-6 times a week for 14-24 miles.  It is what I love to do.  I am alone.  I never have a back up girl....  I am at peace alone.   Not happy.  Not sad.  Just at peace.  Found out my son has pre melanoma last week.  There are more things in life than a SO.  Not that I dont want to find my one. My one will have to be as weird as me.  Ramble done....

Edited by Disc0rdant
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