Life ruined

[cash1026]

Hello All,

I am a 35 year old lovely young lady. However I have HSV2 which I got from an ex-boyfriend 6 years ago.  I haven't been in a relationship since. I have been so jaded from my diaganosis that I haven't been able to date anyone.  I have had a few hook-up's and I have not given anyone herpes.  About two years ago I feel in love with a great man, he loves me dearly and I love him.  We have know each other from childhood and he said that I was his dream girl, and that ever since then he has always loved me.  I cannot imagine my life with out him.  

As you may have guessed he  doesnt know I have herpes.  I wanted to tell him early in the relationship but i was so in awe by him that I couldn't bring my self to tell him for fear of losing him.  We talked about getting engaged this summer and we always talk about having children. I can't believe Im at this point in my life and I may ruin the only true love that I have ever had.  I have told him before that I had a yeast infection and that I can't have sex with him.  This is what keeps me able to stay away from him when i have and out break.  He has bought it a few times but more and more he has become leery. I had a outbreak two weeks ago and I used the same old excuse; this time he didn't quite buy it and he seemed very annoyed.  He asked me "what do you have?". I was horrified. I didn't know what to say but its just a yeast infection its no big deal.  A week later the unimaginable happened. I got another herpes outbreak. I had to lie again.  This time he didn't buy it.  In fact is is really mad at me.  He thinks i don't want to have sex with him and I'm am using this as an excuse and he also think's Im cheating on him. He is the love of my life.  And I may have lost him forever. 

I am telling my story because number 1. don't do what I did and 2. I need help and pointers, I am going to tell him tomorrow. I feel like my life is ruined.  Im too old and too tired to start again.

I have not told anyone about this, not my family nor my friends. I feel alone.

I would like to also mention that when I was diagnosed the dr told me not to tell anyone because of the stigma around it, and i followed her advise.  Big mistake. I know he will not accept me for who i am anymore. Im so sad i hate this, I hate my life. Why me GOD?

Anyone please help.

 

 

[WilsoInAus]

A very common story I assure you, many have gone through that. Everyone will have a different view of what to do next and none of them will be wrong. I guess you'll need to choose what is right for you.

I would come with the mindset that he is mature (assume he's 35+) and maybe even has some knowledge of herpes, if not a previous partner with it. There's a reasonable chance he suspects this.

I'd try to take it slowly but with confidence. Tell him just like 1 in 3 women your age, you have genital herpes. You have been very careful to avoid sex if you felt any issues may have been present so there was little to no chance of passing it to him. Ideally, you'd have told him earlier but lacked an element of confidence that'd you'd be seen for who you are and not someone simply with an STD. 

I'd leave it at that, don't talk about how you'd understand if you left etc. Just let him ask questions from there.

 

[Lisajd]

Thats good advice.  Keep.it simple and honesty is what he will respect.   Im sorry you feel you have to hide it. But dont assume others will judge you.   It helps to have someone you know to talk too

[LillianPanos]

I was in your shoes a year ago. Honesty best policy. When I finally disclosed after 6 weeks of dating. He asked me what was wrong unfortunatley i started crying as I really liked this man. I asked him if he knew about cold sores and herpes, he said he had cold sores on mouth as a child. I told him I had just been diagnosed with herpes on my genitals I told him someone I was with for about 6 mos before him gave it to me. I then went on to explain what I knew about herpes and that we could still have sex and we could learn about it together. I also said which I shouldnt have if you want to kick me to the curb I understand dont say this. He so appreciated and respected my honesty. I then told him I was on this site learning etc., I asked him if he wanted to speak with a man from this webiste that knows alot etc.  H was willing actually it was JB, Jb had a great talk with him and suggested he get tested which he did, and he has hsv 1 on mouth.  Thats my story. Next week we will be celebrating our yr anniversary together. We are seriously in love... Hope this gives you Hope.. I know you will succeed!

Just now, cash1026 said:

Hello All,

I am a 35 year old lovely young lady. However I have HSV2 which I got from an ex-boyfriend 6 years ago.  I haven't been in a relationship since. I have been so jaded from my diaganosis that I haven't been able to date anyone.  I have had a few hook-up's and I have not given anyone herpes.  About two years ago I feel in love with a great man, he loves me dearly and I love him.  We have know each other from childhood and he said that I was his dream girl, and that ever since then he has always loved me.  I cannot imagine my life with out him.  

As you may have guessed he  doesnt know I have herpes.  I wanted to tell him early in the relationship but i was so in awe by him that I couldn't bring my self to tell him for fear of losing him.  We talked about getting engaged this summer and we always talk about having children. I can't believe Im at this point in my life and I may ruin the only true love that I have ever had.  I have told him before that I had a yeast infection and that I can't have sex with him.  This is what keeps me able to stay away from him when i have and out break.  He has bought it a few times but more and more he has become leery. I had a outbreak two weeks ago and I used the same old excuse; this time he didn't quite buy it and he seemed very annoyed.  He asked me "what do you have?". I was horrified. I didn't know what to say but its just a yeast infection its no big deal.  A week later the unimaginable happened. I got another herpes outbreak. I had to lie again.  This time he didn't buy it.  In fact is is really mad at me.  He thinks i don't want to have sex with him and I'm am using this as an excuse and he also think's Im cheating on him. He is the love of my life.  And I may have lost him forever. 

I am telling my story because number 1. don't do what I did and 2. I need help and pointers, I am going to tell him tomorrow. I feel like my life is ruined.  Im too old and too tired to start again.

I have not told anyone about this, not my family nor my friends. I feel alone.

I would like to also mention that when I was diagnosed the dr told me not to tell anyone because of the stigma around it, and i followed her advise.  Big mistake. I know he will not accept me for who i am anymore. Im so sad i hate this, I hate my life. Why me GOD?

Anyone please help.

 

 

 

[cash1026]

Thank you all for your reply and help.  Unfortunately last night we got into a fight (over another issue, he has been battling alcoholism) the fight escalated and he called me a dirty bitch with a diseased vagina.  Ididnt even get the chance to tell him.  Im so lost, I feel everyone will treat me this way.  This is why I'm so afraid. I guess I lost the love of my life, I don't even know where to go from here.  

I only can imagine how many people want to take there lives just from the hardships from living with this disease.  Im beyond hurt, scared and broken. I used to be such a happy person, that person is long gone now.  I pray to God that this vaccine will work and I will be writing a letter the the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation.

 

Edited March 17, 2017 by cash1026

[staypositivelivelife]

He is not the love of your life if he would say something like that to you ..sounds like a straight up loser sorry...ditch that zero..pm if you wanna talk that's mental abuse

Edited March 17, 2017 by staypositivelivelife

[LilyMae]

I'm sorry you are going through such a rough experience. I am sure that it feels very dark and scary and lonely right now with everything you are going through with your partner. But, sometimes the things that seem like the worst kind of personal disasters end up clearing a path to a place in life we never would have found otherwise. A place that is so much better for us in the long run.

My experiance is that we can't really build a life with someone who does not accept us for who we are. Your hsv is a virus. It's not some punishment for not being whatever some other person thinks we should be. It doesn't make you dirty or undeserving of love and kindness. And anyone who makes you feel like it does is either doing so because they are ignorant or they are vicious in a way you should run from as fast as you can. 

We all say and do things we regret sometimes. It's part of being human. And alcoholism will twist a person up at times. But there are a lot of red flags about this guy just in the two posts you've made here. You are young and you can still totally start over if that's what you decide to do. You may have to live with hsv for the rest of your life but you don't have to be in a relationship with someone who makes you feel you have to hide who you are for the rest of your life. Sending you a hug and support and good wishes. 

[LillianPanos]

Please note active alcoholics can be extremely difficult selfish etc. And your dealing with a dis-eased person. Why would he say diseased vagina if you didn't tell him yet. Hes putting all his bs on you and you deserve better! He needs aa. And you have the right to ask for that. Take time for yourself and spend time with happy healthy minded people! 

4 hours ago, cash1026 said:

Thank you all for your reply and help.  Unfortunately last night we got into a fight (over another issue, he has been battling alcoholism) the fight escalated and he called me a dirty bitch with a diseased vagina.  Ididnt even get the chance to tell him.  Im so lost, I feel everyone will treat me this way.  This is why I'm so afraid. I guess I lost the love of my life, I don't even know where to go from here.  

I only can imagine how many people want to take there lives just from the hardships from living with this disease.  Im beyond hurt, scared and broken. I used to be such a happy person, that person is long gone now.  I pray to God that this vaccine will work and I will be writing a letter the the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation.

 

 

[Lisajd]

I can see where the disease vagina bit came from because you told him that you had thrush or something like that.  I will tell you my story and this is not the man that you should be with if he has alcoholic issues.  I have been seeing someone for 9 months and he is aggressive and he often uses an excuse that he only says nasty things when he is sober but it is not true. Unless he gets help as the saying goes a leopard never changes his spots.  And this guy will manipulate you and it will make you very unhappy and you do not need that.  

The only hardship about living with this virus is what goes on in your mind and what you let other people say impact on you.

I know the story of a young man 35 years old who has been in hospital since Christmas because he has cancer of the testicles he also had a massive tumor in his stomach and have to have his kidney removed and he can't even go on chemo because his body is continuously fighting infection.

I don't mean to imply that dealing with herpes is not easy but there are hell of a lot things worse than you can have.

But do yourself a favour and remove yourself from this person.

[Atrapasueños]

Veo muchos mensajes sobre personas que hablan sobre sus experiencias en las citas pero me pongo analizar sobre todos estos mensajes hablando de que conocieron a una chica o algún chico y que esa persona  se  convirtio en el amor de su vida pero tienen miedo a revelar, en realidad se convierte en ese amor de su vida porque quieren tener una relación con alguna persona, si todos fuéramos negativos muchos de aquí verían a esa persona totalme te diferente como sexo casual, o un noviazgo de etapa corta, la mayoría de las personas aquí ya que están infectadas quieren una relación para toda la vida, para no empezar desde cero y volver al mundo de las citas y volver a revelar 

 

I see many messages about people talking about their experiences in dating but I analyze all these messages talking about a girl or a boy and that person became the love of his life but are afraid to reveal, in Reality becomes that love of your life because they want to have a relationship with someone, if we were all negative many would see that person totally different as a casual sex, or a short-stage courtship, most people here already Who are infected want a relationship for life, not to start from scratch and return to the world of dating and rediscover

[oldgal]

LilyMae - another heartwarming post!

LillianPanos - So happy for you, what a great post to read!