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How to tell him - is it even worth it or just end it


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so, I found out 16 years ago had HSV2 was 4 years into a relationship and he started getting symptoms of it, got swabbed and came back as HSV2, I didn't have the symptoms of it so got blood test for antibodies, came back positive for HSV2

has never affected me symptoms wise and spent another 16 years with this same person, who has just recently been cheating on me so has now left.

The problem I have is I have had a few guys interested in me but I am only interested in 1 - we have been talking for about 4 months and I really do like him. I haven't been with anyone sexually since my partner of 20 years - 7 months ago.

The guy I like, we talk about sex ALOT - unprotected - and I don't want a relationship, I don't think he does either but we are extremely attracted to each other and talk about a sexual relationship that is to be more than just a one off......its now getting to the stage where its time to do it but I keep making excuses not to see him and its killing me, its all I can think about - is to finally be with him but I am so scared to tell him that because it is only sex for now, is it worth even telling him just for sex or am I best just to say I am not interested anymore?? problem is I am interested it consumes all my daily thoughts, eats me up and makes me so sad and ashamed.

I wish I could just be with him and not have to tell him but because I really care for him I obviously would never want to put him in that position of having it. I also live in a small town and am worried that once he is told and rejects me, he could possibly tell other people later on - although I don't think he would do that but I would still hate knowing that he knows.

what are the chances of even passing this virus on to him considering I have known about it for 16 years and don't get any sores?

I know I have to tell him first but I don't even know if its worth it - just for sex?

if its only for sex for him, then he is surely to reject me isn't he and move on to someone else?


this is first time I will have to tell someone and its just unbearable and I am so scared, he really wants me and once he knows he wont want me anymore and then I have lost him and since dealing with my recent breakup, he has been my biggest source of happiness and excitement for my future?


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imo, if u do it, u have to disclose first.

u can take AVs ahead of time and he can wear a condom, and that helps reduce the risk.

he might also have HSV1 or 2 himself, and not know it, so he could get tested too.

you aren't always shedding / contagious.  the problem is its impossible to know when u are or aren't.  if u tell him, u can say something like look, if u want to have sex u have to promise first to never repeat what i'm about to say, etc.

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Maybe consider talking about both of your sexual histories and sexual health. It's not a one-way street. You don't know what he has and chances are he doesn't even know what he has.

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    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
    • JackThrowAway
      She tested positive for HSV2. No, there was nothing of that sort in that area.   However I also have ulcerative colitis so I’m on medication that makes me immunosuppressed. I have been bleeding a bit when I pass stools during the time of redness, so I’m unsure if I’m getting a flare from the colitis (from all the stress of everything) or if it’s due to the virus making it’s way to an already inflamed area and popping up as blisters that I can’t see and hence the bleeding.    I had two equivocal results (at 4 weeks and 6 weeks) that then went to a positive result (7 weeks after exposure). Combine that with some flu symptoms, redness, tingling etc. makes me feel it’s conclusive that this points to a hsv2 infection.
    • Anonimus
      Thanks!!!!! I appreciate your help.
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