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How to tell him - is it even worth it or just end it

freakingout78

By freakingout78,
in Disclosure (telling)

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freakingout78 Newbie

freakingout78

Posted
Posted

so, I found out 16 years ago had HSV2 was 4 years into a relationship and he started getting symptoms of it, got swabbed and came back as HSV2, I didn't have the symptoms of it so got blood test for antibodies, came back positive for HSV2

has never affected me symptoms wise and spent another 16 years with this same person, who has just recently been cheating on me so has now left.

The problem I have is I have had a few guys interested in me but I am only interested in 1 - we have been talking for about 4 months and I really do like him. I haven't been with anyone sexually since my partner of 20 years - 7 months ago.

The guy I like, we talk about sex ALOT - unprotected - and I don't want a relationship, I don't think he does either but we are extremely attracted to each other and talk about a sexual relationship that is to be more than just a one off......its now getting to the stage where its time to do it but I keep making excuses not to see him and its killing me, its all I can think about - is to finally be with him but I am so scared to tell him that because it is only sex for now, is it worth even telling him just for sex or am I best just to say I am not interested anymore?? problem is I am interested it consumes all my daily thoughts, eats me up and makes me so sad and ashamed.

I wish I could just be with him and not have to tell him but because I really care for him I obviously would never want to put him in that position of having it. I also live in a small town and am worried that once he is told and rejects me, he could possibly tell other people later on - although I don't think he would do that but I would still hate knowing that he knows.

what are the chances of even passing this virus on to him considering I have known about it for 16 years and don't get any sores?

I know I have to tell him first but I don't even know if its worth it - just for sex?

if its only for sex for him, then he is surely to reject me isn't he and move on to someone else?

 

this is first time I will have to tell someone and its just unbearable and I am so scared, he really wants me and once he knows he wont want me anymore and then I have lost him and since dealing with my recent breakup, he has been my biggest source of happiness and excitement for my future?

 

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RVX Patient and Investor Acknowledged Support Member

RVX Patient and Investor

Posted
Posted

imo, if u do it, u have to disclose first.

u can take AVs ahead of time and he can wear a condom, and that helps reduce the risk.

he might also have HSV1 or 2 himself, and not know it, so he could get tested too.

you aren't always shedding / contagious.  the problem is its impossible to know when u are or aren't.  if u tell him, u can say something like look, if u want to have sex u have to promise first to never repeat what i'm about to say, etc.

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VVK Platinum Support Member

VVK

Posted
Posted

Maybe consider talking about both of your sexual histories and sexual health. It's not a one-way street. You don't know what he has and chances are he doesn't even know what he has.

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