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Never To Have Sex Again


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So I just found out that I have hsv-2 last week after having had already been in pain for a week. My outbreak is clearing up even though I haven't exactly been completely on track with the acyclovir which is making me think perhaps it isn't necessary. I would like the disclose that I am 17. Freshly 17 at that. Just lost my virginity in August and have only been with 3 people (not including my ex gf). I think it's really messed up how people are like well you shouldn't have been having sec anyways , or try to write my case off because I "caught it being young, dumb, and irresponsible" . It's supper annoying and doesn't help with the depression at all. 

Anyways, my point. The guy I've been involved with for the past 6 months. I love him to death, I do. And no I'm not one of those kids that just throws the word around. I know he loves me. He's been trying to help me through this on top of his own shit and I really appreciate him for it, it's just hard to be the same after finding out something like this. I know it's hard for him, I was so ready for him to freak out and leave me but he maintained his composure, sure he had his moments but he's really trying to be supportive. 

Today we tried to have sex again for the first time since my OB. I couldn't even let him stick it in, as soon as he pushed , it hurt. Is that normal ? What can I do about that or will it hurt forever? Can I not have sex anymore?  Then there's the mental aspect. I'm not mentally there yet but I don't want him to feel like I don't want him and I don't want to cause a rift in the tide you know? I just don't want to give him something even though he swears up and down that if he gets it , he's fine because he loves me and he understands. I just don't want that responsibility. My first OB was AWFUL ! I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy especially not him. I don't know what to do ...

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Hi @Tay2x and welcome to the website.

The first thing to note is that as you have been with this guy for the last 6 months, he is most probably the source of HSV. The good news here is that you cannot technically give it to him again. There is no reason at all for him to leave you on account of herpes (which would still be true if he didn't have herpes!)

How did you learn that you have HSV-2? Was this through a swab or blood test? What were the results? It may be that HSV-1 is a possibility here.

Things can be a bit tricky for a few months in many cases. A few outbreaks and a long healing time after the first few outbreaks is normal. However it is very likely that everything will be normal, just be patient... I'm sure your boyfriend will be too when he learns he has given you this virus most likely.

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You'll be able to have sex, but it won't be for a little while. There's a possibility of ulcers on your innards that would make any friction unbearable. This will probably be the case during some outbreaks you have. So, no, it won't hurt forever.

On the mental side of things, I hope your boyfriend understands that you can't just bounce back to regular life after hearing news like this. Since your life has changed in such a drastic way, it's going to take time to feel the same way about your self like you did before. 

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Some of it can be your mind being on the fact that you have herpes and if he does not have it you will be conscious of not transmitting it to him but secondly also try lube because I found initially I was quite dry but it really is about relaxing remember.  It would be a good idea to get your results from your doctor so you know exactly what you're dealing with in terms of the type of herpes you have

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I think it is important to get a full printout of all test results. This will help understand exactly what you have and provide some indicators toward future issues that you may or may not have with the virus.

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    • FirstTimeUser
      @WilsoInAuswould appreciate your thoughts as have seen you comment quite a bit before!
    • Marlena
      Good morning. My name is Marlena and I come from Poland. Sorry, my English is average. For two years I have been in a relationship with a man, for a year and a half I have been struggling with intimate problems. On average, my intimate condition is getting worse every month. Then I feel itching, redness, swelling around the entrance to the vagina, small blisters (not always). Most often it is only red and swollen, itches and then disappears. This state lasts 3-4 days. I come from a small town, doctors don't know what it is. They say it's 'skin irritation'. They prescribe moisturizing creams with lactic acid, probiotics. It doesn't help. I did a blood test for HSV on my own, which is very expensive in Poland, but it does not separate HSV1 from HSV2. The doctor, when he shows these results, says that it's not herpes, but irritation. I would like to add that in the past I suffered from herpes on the lips, then it was a 'scab'. There has never been a scab in an intimate area. Sometimes there are blisters that last 1-2 days, but not always. So what do high blood test results mean? I would like to add that in Poland people do not talk about the HSV virus. It's just that sometimes someone has it on their lips and that's it. Results translation: IgM HSV 1/2: questionable IgG HSV 1/2: result above the measuring range https://files.fm/f/4cpu7uee4  
    • FirstTimeUser
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    • Jeremy Spokein
      Yes, but every married person who I found out about that has this waited 6-8 months into the relationship to disclose it. But maybe you're right. If I had told her 6-7 months in, she'd still have Googled it and flipped out, and maybe it would have been harder then. I don't know. I don't see myself going through this level of pain and rejection so easily next time. I really don't. I'm taking the meds. I use protection. It's been almost a decade since I've had it so I'm not worried about shedding or passing it on so easily. British studies confirm that the first 2 years are the most contagious and we're passed that. I'm just over this. I've never been in so much emotional pain in my life.
    • Possiblehypercon11
      @WilsoInAus would really appreciate your input please. Kinda freaking out lol. 
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