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Diffoutlook

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Hello everyone! I am new to this page seeing as though I just found out I have both type 1 and 2. I feel absolutely disgusted with myself and to make matters worse I believe I have recently met the man I am destined to marry and now I must break the news to him. I don't even know where to begin...don't know what to think...don't know what to say...don't know who to trust with this news....im Just lost. I have two beautiful children that need their mom to be on top of her mental game so I must try and accept this and move forward as soon as possible. Herpes has such a dirty stigma attached to it. But I cannot believe how common it actually is. Not that I'm using that as an excuse. I had no clue I even had it. Totally asymptomatic for who knows how long. Just decided to have the whole nine yards tested during my yearly female exam and now I almost wish I hadn't. I have learned that I cannot handle something of this magnitude by myself and so any words of encouragement and/or advice will be very much appreciated. I keep reading articles on how to tell your partner and to try and not cry but I'm bawling my eyes out just sitting here by myself writing a rough draft of what I'm going to say. I can't imagine how I'm going to be when that day actually comes :(

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1 hour ago, Diffoutlook said:

Hello everyone! I am new to this page seeing as though I just found out I have both type 1 and 2. I feel absolutely disgusted with myself and to make matters worse I believe I have recently met the man I am destined to marry and now I must break the news to him. I don't even know where to begin...don't know what to think...don't know what to say...don't know who to trust with this news....im Just lost. I have two beautiful children that need their mom to be on top of her mental game so I must try and accept this and move forward as soon as possible. Herpes has such a dirty stigma attached to it. But I cannot believe how common it actually is. Not that I'm using that as an excuse. I had no clue I even had it. Totally asymptomatic for who knows how long. Just decided to have the whole nine yards tested during my yearly female exam and now I almost wish I hadn't. I have learned that I cannot handle something of this magnitude by myself and so any words of encouragement and/or advice will be very much appreciated. I keep reading articles on how to tell your partner and to try and not cry but I'm bawling my eyes out just sitting here by myself writing a rough draft of what I'm going to say. I can't imagine how I'm going to be when that day actually comes :(

Diffoutlook, most persons with hsv are asymptomatic.  I know how you feel.  I cried for days... felt lost.,,everything felt upside down.  This site helped me tremendously.  And, will help you too.

First, you are not disgusting..,You are the same person you were a week ago. Except with more knowledge of your inner biology.  

There are many people on this site who were in the same situation as you with hsv news coupled with meeting a great person.  One who comes to mind is LillianPanos...You can PM her. She will help with what to say and how to say it. She's very much in love and hsv was not an issue for him.  If this man loves you hsv should not change his mind.  are you afraid of giving him hsv? If you take care of yourself chances are you won't.   He has a better chance of getting it from someone who is asymptomatic with no clue of having hsv.   

There is no good time to get HSV.  But, if you had to pick a time this is a good time  There's so much coming into play that was not available 5 years ago.  Checkout the following names Dr Bill Halford Rationale vaccines.   Ian Frazier he's working on a vaccine..,He developed Gaurdasil.  Also there is CRISPR Cas9

We are in a time of change the virus will be eradicated hopefully within the next ten years.  But, today we will soon have a vaccine for those with and for those without for protection.  Hopefully by the end of the year your significant other can  get a shot for protection.  If he does not have it already and is clueless like most of us were/are.  

Best you disclose after it settles in and you compose yourself.  The chat room is a great place to get help.

Hope this has helped a bit....You are not alone we are ALL together in this.  

 

 

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I was just diagnosed yesterday! I honestly have not mentally taken this in yet. I think I'm going through the motions at this point! 

I am scared though I know that much. I had an outbreak that only lasted 4 days without medication so I thought there was no way this is what was going on! When I got the phone call I was floored! I have so many questions at this point! 

Mainly my pain started in my rectum and I saw my doctor and he diagnosed me with having Proctitis and an internal tear. The pressure is unreal!

after this diagnosis I wasn't so sure it wasn't something else but had no clue what it could have been! 

Following a few days later I had a vaginal sore come up so I followed up with my OBGYN... 5 days later I'm told I have HSV. Again, I'm just taking it in. I still have pain and pressure  in rectum and now burning when urinating. Please help me stay strong until this gets better because at this moment I'm in pain and again... scared.  

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I know that it is not the easiest news to deal with at first because I was emotional but mainly because it involves two other people whom I cared about and neither of them gave it to me I made a very big mistake and I will always have to live with that but other than that it is a virus.  It is possible that you have had hsv1 like 80% of the population since you were a child.  

Secondly it just takes time and some perspective.  And if this guy is really the man of your dreams that won't be an issue for him and as I keep on saying don't make assumptions because you don't know his situation and you don't know how he views it.   

The best approach I have seen and I find for myself is to keep it really simple.  There are several ways you can go about it but also remember it is a two way street here you need to know what his status is.  You are still at risk of getting HIV or any other STD.   So you could say to him that you are recently diagnosed with the cold sore virus being the mouth and down below.  It is a very common virus and there are precautions that we can take that can reduce the risk of transmission to 1%.  

Or you could say to him I just wanted to ask have you ever had cold sores in the past.  Or you could say if things are going to progressed we need to go and get tested together and that can open up the discussion.

But please do not say the words I understand if you don't want to have anything to do with me.  A positive approach and a confident approach and being honest is going to get you respect.

 

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Hi I was diagnosed with type 2 4 weeks ago.  I have been with the same partner for 6 years. We did have a break.  In which time he confessed he had been on male dating sites. I was reluctant to enter back into a sexual relationship; but I did feel the need to support him as he was obviously having a sexuality crisis.  He kept getting frisky until in the end at Christmas I caved in and we had sex. This went on for a month, then I suddenly showed signs. He denied any other partners. I had a swab test of the sore area and was HSV2 positive.  He went off and had a blood test which was negative.  I was left feeling really confused and anxious as I knew I hadn't even kissed another guy. He put me through hell. the accusations have been awful. I have since discovered that he could still have passed it on before it shows in his blood.  But I am made to feel like a guilty woman. 

Yes the Stigma is awful and yes I have been through every emotion possible whilst trying to keep the symptoms at bay. I have explored alternative therapies that seem to ease the tingles, I have kept away from him completely, and I feel like I am grieving the loss of womanhood and the loss of self.  However when you read the research I think society has so stigmatized this virus that its blown out of all proportion.  People who have cold sores still get married remember.

It will take a while to get your head around it.  You need to stay well, eat healthy foods, and explore alternative therapies. Give yourself time.  Explain to a potential partner that during a routine examination you discovered this as you heard so many people carry it.  That you are asymptomatic, which greatly reduces the risk of infection and also it is very difficult for a woman to pass it to a man. 

If someone really loves you, your news will be overcome, real love finds a way.  Just do not sleep with a guy you really like until he knows.  Good luck you will be fine after all this is just a common virus that we make into a big deal.  Be safe, xx

 

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8 hours ago, Britt2005 said:

I was just diagnosed yesterday! I honestly have not mentally taken this in yet. I think I'm going through the motions at this point! 

I am scared though I know that much. I had an outbreak that only lasted 4 days without medication so I thought there was no way this is what was going on! When I got the phone call I was floored! I have so many questions at this point! 

Mainly my pain started in my rectum and I saw my doctor and he diagnosed me with having Proctitis and an internal tear. The pressure is unreal!

after this diagnosis I wasn't so sure it wasn't something else but had no clue what it could have been! 

Following a few days later I had a vaginal sore come up so I followed up with my OBGYN... 5 days later I'm told I have HSV. Again, I'm just taking it in. I still have pain and pressure  in rectum and now burning when urinating. Please help me stay strong until this gets better because at this moment I'm in pain and again... scared.  

Are you taking anti-virals?

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10 hours ago, crisper said:

Diffoutlook, most persons with hsv are asymptomatic.  I know how you feel.  I cried for days... felt lost.,,everything felt upside down.  This site helped me tremendously.  And, will help you too.

First, you are not disgusting..,You are the same person you were a week ago. Except with more knowledge of your inner biology.  

There are many people on this site who were in the same situation as you with hsv news coupled with meeting a great person.  One who comes to mind is LillianPanos...You can PM her. She will help with what to say and how to say it. She's very much in love and hsv was not an issue for him.  If this man loves you hsv should not change his mind.  are you afraid of giving him hsv? If you take care of yourself chances are you won't.   He has a better chance of getting it from someone who is asymptomatic with no clue of having hsv.   

There is no good time to get HSV.  But, if you had to pick a time this is a good time  There's so much coming into play that was not available 5 years ago.  Checkout the following names Dr Bill Halford Rationale vaccines.   Ian Frazier he's working on a vaccine..,He developed Gaurdasil.  Also there is CRISPR Cas9

We are in a time of change the virus will be eradicated hopefully within the next ten years.  But, today we will soon have a vaccine for those with and for those without for protection.  Hopefully by the end of the year your significant other can  get a shot for protection.  If he does not have it already and is clueless like most of us were/are.  

Best you disclose after it settles in and you compose yourself.  The chat room is a great place to get help.

Hope this has helped a bit....You are not alone we are ALL together in this.  

 

 

Hi Crisper :)  Thank you for the words of encouragement. I will be certain to do some research on those names you have given me.  I need to keep reminding myself that i could have received much worse news and be thankful that I hadn't.  I keep seeing chats about natural remedies (whether that is true or not) and just overall living a more healthy lifestyle.  So i have my work cut out for me.  I was prescribed Valtrex for when i have an OB.  I have to chuckle to myself because I have never had an OB so I don't even know what to look for!  But is there something else I should be taking daily?  Again, thank you for the positive feedback :)  

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7 hours ago, Diffoutlook said:

But is there something else I should be taking daily?  Again, thank you for the positive feedback

If you are not having any symptoms then there really is no need for you to do anything different to what you are doing now the only time you would start taking supplements for all to your diet is here start having frequent outbreaks and that is usually blisters.  Some people seem to get what they call nerve pain or itching and tingling but unless it is severe you would not need to go on medication.  Being a symptomatic is frustrating because you don't know the location of your hey HSV but if it is type 2 then it's a given it's genital but the hsv1 could be oral or genital you just don't know.  

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4 hours ago, Lisajd said:

If you are not having any symptoms then there really is no need for you to do anything different to what you are doing now the only time you would start taking supplements for all to your diet is here start having frequent outbreaks and that is usually blisters.  Some people seem to get what they call nerve pain or itching and tingling but unless it is severe you would not need to go on medication.  Being a symptomatic is frustrating because you don't know the location of your hey HSV but if it is type 2 then it's a given it's genital but the hsv1 could be oral or genital you just don't know.  

Thank you lisajd. I am getting overwhelmed by all the sites I have been looking at and quite frankly my head is starting to hurt from all the reading and processing I am doing. I have some basic questions and was hoping you can shed some light for me because I'm not sure how much more I can let this consume me this weekend. Am I able to kiss my kids? What are some things I need to be conscious of now knowing I have this? For example do I have to make sure my kids do not touch my wash cloth in the shower? What about sharing drinks with them? Is it suggested I get them tested if they show no signs? Do you have any recommendations as to how I go about telling a significant other? I see there is a page on here that talks about that but all I am reading are horror stories and what I'm looking for are suggestions about how to start this convo and HSV facts because I know I will be slammed with questions. Sorry to have dropped all these questions on you. My mind is racing and I start reading one article to only forget what it was i was looking for in the first place :(

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On 3/18/2017 at 10:40 AM, Diffoutlook said:

Hi Crisper :)  Thank you for the words of encouragement. I will be certain to do some research on those names you have given me.  I need to keep reminding myself that i could have received much worse news and be thankful that I hadn't.  I keep seeing chats about natural remedies (whether that is true or not) and just overall living a more healthy lifestyle.  So i have my work cut out for me.  I was prescribed Valtrex for when i have an OB.  I have to chuckle to myself because I have never had an OB so I don't even know what to look for!  But is there something else I should be taking daily?  Again, thank you for the positive feedback :)  

All your questions can be answered by Terri Warren, NP. Go to her website. She is one of the most hsv knowledgeable practitioner in the country.  

Where are you located? 

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10 hours ago, crisper said:

All your questions can be answered by Terri Warren, NP. Go to her website. She is one of the most hsv knowledgeable practitioner in the country.  

Where are you located? 

Thank you for the information. I am located in Wisconsin.

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If you have no symptoms that you are going to be less likely to transmit it and you do not need to worry about washcloths and separating clothes in for example because it just is not transmitted that way.  Remember this it is through skin to skin contact and particularly if you have an active blister as you don't then you are less likely to transmit it.   If your children are showing no signs of cold sores on their mouth then there is no need for you to get them tested and the reality is they will probably come in contact with somebody else who has it and get it that way at any rate during their whole life.  When it comes to a partner you just keep it simple and say that you have the cold sore virus

As you have never had symptoms you don't know that you actually carry it on your mouth.  You could possibly have both types on your genitals and this is where it is frustrating when you don't have any symptoms but you could assume that you have it on your mouth and your genitals giving their two different types

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