Rolling the dice and hoping I got half lucky?

[JohnJay]

Well, hello, here I am.  I had been seeing a girl since Oct., and we had sex six times from Dec.-Jan.  Now, unfortunately, she told me she was clean but never mentioned her cold sores.  She is from S. America and figured everyone had them.  Now, all of the sex but once was protected.  The week before I came down with classic symptoms, fever, blisters around mouth, burning sensation, we had sex.   Went through all the fun, my doc thought no way it was because it looked like some infected razor cuts, but it in fact was. I had blood tests done which showed negative, and the swab of one was positive for HSV1.

Now, this led to a bit of panic and we getting retested for all sorts of things.  My concern now, before I can put it on the back burner mentally, is the following....

 

1) My guess is that with myself recently shaving, and her being a bit of a biter while kissing, this led to a possible opening for her to transfer it.  It took a month for my face to clear.

2) There was oral sex which was unprotected, but I had zero symptoms down there, and the doc inspected it and said it looked fine.  If I had HSV1 genitally, and I had no prior antibodies, I'd frickin be feeling it right?  I would have noticed? 

3) HSV2 risk would be really low here right?  I'm stuck waiting until more time passes to be sure.

 

Of course the relationship ended when all this went down, as she thought I was overreacting and I thought she was being a bit too casual about all of it.

 

My doctor told me repeatedly I need to stop stressing out and need to calm down.  My blood pressure was 158/131 the first time in there, and 118/84 the last time on Tuesday I saw him.  I think all this asymptomatic knowledge, all the stuff no one ever told me previously, has thrown me for a massive mental loop.

 

Edited March 19, 2017 by JohnJay

[VVK]

What blood tests did you get? IgG or IgM?

It sounds like an initial oral HSV1 infection and nothing more.  If you are well-off financially or have insurance coverage, consider seeing a therapist for help in dealing with the anxiety that is naturally coming from this. That would be more helpful than your doctor telling you to stop stressing out.

[JohnJay]

Thanks for the reply.  My coverage is pretty meh.  This has costed me around $550 out of pocket already. 

I appreciate the opinion.  I was really hopeful that is what someone else thought.  It is what it appears to be, but the internet is a crazy place and the more I read the more I got worried about everything.

Ummm, I believe it was IgG.  They both came back negative but this was the week of, so he said if I had no antibodies prior, it had to be a new infection.  However, I've had not genital symptoms, which as you said, probably means it is all anxiety.  The swab test was...the swab test?  I guess I'm used to having terrible luck, and figured it had to be worse than this.  This is the first person I've kissed in three years, and done anything with in five.

Heck, I got all the additional tests for STDs as well out of fear, despite him saying the odds were so low of that. 

Thanks again for taking the time to reply.

[Lisajd]

The girl is right in saying everyone has cold sores as 80% do.  If you engaged in oral.sex more likely to have ghsv1 however if you have no symptoms you should be ok.  Dont stress hsv1 is common. 

[Disc0rdant]

The main two problems are:

1.  If she is/was your gf, you are not having sex enough!  Lol

2.  Like lisa said, if you kiss, you are at risk.  I personally have always loved kissing.  I don't open myself up sexually to many, but will kiss a lot of girls.  Moral of the story.  Test.  Test.  Test.  When my ex and I tested and she was negative for hsv1, I told her how I would protect her.  I dont think she ever got it from me.  Had lots of kissing and unprotected oral.  Maybe the oral will need to not happen w future girls....  I didn't know of the bad stories till here....  Was ignorant.  

[JohnJay]

16 hours ago, Lisajd said:

The girl is right in saying everyone has cold sores as 80% do.  If you engaged in oral.sex more likely to have ghsv1 however if you have no symptoms you should be ok.  Dont stress hsv1 is common. 

 

While I'm learning to deal with this, and understand this is true, my frustration/annoyance came with her attitude of her knowing she had it and not mentioning that information.  Then when I acquired it, a very, "oh well everyone has it" attitude which didn't help the situation.  It wasn't apologetic and she didn't seem to understand why I was bothered.

I think, luckily, I only have ohsv1.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[JohnJay]

11 hours ago, Disc0rdant said:

The main two problems are:

1.  If she is/was your gf, you are not having sex enough!  Lol

2.  Like lisa said, if you kiss, you are at risk.  I personally have always loved kissing.  I don't open myself up sexually to many, but will kiss a lot of girls.  Moral of the story.  Test.  Test.  Test.  When my ex and I tested and she was negative for hsv1, I told her how I would protect her.  I dont think she ever got it from me.  Had lots of kissing and unprotected oral.  Maybe the oral will need to not happen w future girls....  I didn't know of the bad stories till here....  Was ignorant.  

 

1) LOL, I agree!  Yeah, it is over, but certainly I agree with that.

2) I'm actually the same way. I truly enjoy kissing which this has made it a bit of a downer as well.  If someone is hsv1 positive orally, would that protect them genitally going forward?  If I met a girl with it orally, would she be protected genitally?

[Disc0rdant]

Yes.  It would be highly unlikely she would get it genitally if she has ohsv1.  Up to 30% test negative for hsv1 that have it since they have had it since childhood(over 20 yrs)  I think I have had it for 11 yrs.  My test is usually over 5.00 for hsv1.  Frankly, I wouldnt break up over her ignorance if she is a good gal.  Yes.  She should have probably apologized but you can also point the thumb and say you should have been cognizant of the risks.

Just saying.....

And no, it doesnt make it fair or right.  

[Disc0rdant]

Yes.  It would be highly unlikely she would get it genitally if she has ohsv1.  Up to 30% test negative for hsv1 that have it since they have had it since childhood(over 20 yrs)  I think I have had it for 11 yrs.  My test is usually over 5.00 for hsv1.  Frankly, I wouldnt break up over her ignorance if she is a good gal.  Especially since you are now not at risk.  I would test with her as a precaution no matter.  Now, if you cant get along with her or there are a bunch of issues, I understand.  Yes.  She should have probably apologized but you can also point the thumb and say you should have been cognizant of the risks.

Just saying.....

And no, it doesnt make it fair or right.  

[JohnJay]

14 hours ago, Disc0rdant said:

Yes.  It would be highly unlikely she would get it genitally if she has ohsv1.  Up to 30% test negative for hsv1 that have it since they have had it since childhood(over 20 yrs)  I think I have had it for 11 yrs.  My test is usually over 5.00 for hsv1.  Frankly, I wouldnt break up over her ignorance if she is a good gal.  Yes.  She should have probably apologized but you can also point the thumb and say you should have been cognizant of the risks.

Just saying.....

And no, it doesnt make it fair or right.  

Thanks for the info.  No, actually she broke with me.  She was annoyed by my fears/worries, said I was being a baby over something so small.  She said I needed to get over and stop talking about it.

While I know I should have been more informed, considering she knew, I think it is a tad unfair to suggest it is an even split on responsibility.

If it was my choice, we'd still be together or at least giving it a chance.   It is what it is I guess.

[Lisajd]

Maybe it was her easy out of it.

[Disc0rdant]

On 3/23/2017 at 5:51 PM, Lisajd said:

Maybe it was her easy out of it.

Agree.  My gf's deal w my paranoia.  She may have used that as her "out" because of other things.  Leave her be.  She will return.  Ex's return more often than not.  Especially if you were together more than 3 mos.