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So pissed and hurt


WhyMe-16

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I'm still trying to understand this virus and of course why and how did I get so damn lucky???? I found out I had HSV-2 and I know who I got it from. Just because he feels like he has never had an outbreak that he didn't have it. I've never cheated and haven't had many sexual partners at all (I can count on one hand). This guy is the only person I've had unprotected sex with. After being diagnosis, I started thinking back and as I done research, I can just about pin point when I got infected or had my first outbreak. It wasn't the classic horrible outbreak so I didn't think much of it. It was approximately 2-3 weeks after I had sex with my ex (who has cheated on me). Before that I have never had anything down in that area. And I'm a person that will take a mirror and look on a regular. My ex and I have a very long history together with 2 kids. At the time I found out he wasn't my ex but he seem not to care when I told him. He said that maybe the test was wrong because he's never had anything like that down there. Even after doing research and learning a lot more about this virus sometimes I question myself. Could I have received this virus when I was in college and never had signs. I would think I would have had an outbreak or something. I try to stay in tune with my body. It's funny I've never had any symptoms but started having them a few weeks after having sex with my him. 

I'm super pissed because I feel like I'm stuck and will never move on to find a healthy relationship because I have to disclosed this little secret that carries some much negativity. I've asked him to get tested and he acted like he was. One of our health departments doesn't do blood testing for HSV they only swab a sore. That was surprising to me. I told him to ask his doctor to test him. He said that they done a STD test and it was negative. As I've learned and try to tell him that HSV isn't always included. I asked him if they performed that test get a copy of the results and show me. He has yet to do that. I know in my heart but I want confirmation. 

I just found out that he is on a cruise with another girl and i guess is moving on with his life. But was just at my house bagging and pleading to get his family back a few  days before.  Wouldn't you want to know your status if your ex told you this type of information. Especially when he know the type of person I am and knows I don't sleep around or promiscuious? 

I just want closure?

 

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    • WilsoInAus
      Welcome @Marlena correct you and your partner would benefit from the type specific version of the HSV test (meaning a separate result for HSV-1 and HSV-2). I had no idea the Euroimmun or equivalent actually had a combined version, it is pretty useless given the high incidence of HSV-1. Only one thing to add is that if you are getting frequent symptoms then you can obtain a swab and have this tested for HSV and other things as well.
    • WilsoInAus
      Yeah @FirstTimeUser there is nothing in the pic suggestive of genital herpes. It seems both you and your partner have HSV-1 orally and that's actually pretty cool. It means you won't pass it to each other's genitals owing to immunity. If the two of you are concerned about genital HSV-2 then mutually test for the IgG HSV-2 and HSV-1 antibodies.
    • CHT
      Hi "firstimeuser".... let's see what "WilsoinAus" thinks but, for what's it worth, I don't see anything in your picture (or description) that looks like herpes..... it actually looks more like a scrape or follicle issue.... maybe even a bug bite.  Also, by the way, the odds of having HSV2 with an outbreak on your testicles is very low.... that is not a typical spot for an HSV2 outbreak.    Have your doctor take a look and if you want some peace of mind, get an IgG antibody test for HSV2 in about 12 weeks (takes that long for antibodies to develop).... but, again, I don't think you have anything to worry about here.... just not seeing anything herpes-related here.    take care....best of luck.
    • CHT
      Hi Marlena..... since you stated you've had "herpes on the lips" then you likely have oral HSV1, which the majority of adults worldwide have... the fact your results for HSV1/2 are positive (at least I believe that's what your results show - I don't speak Polish but, I think I'm seeing your results are positive based on the attachment you included) may simply be reading the fact that you have HSV1.... the question is whether you've contracted HSV2 in your genital area. Your description of symptoms could possibly be related to HSV but, it's difficult to verify with certainty based on your description. You may also have contracted a different type of sexually transmitted infection (STI) or a simple fungal infection.   Your doctor does not believe what he/she is seeing is HSV but, unless your doctor has experience with HSV, they could easily misdiagnose your condition.  You need full STI testing. Do you have the option to travel to a larger city in Poland where you could get an appointment to be seen by a doctor with more experience with STIs?  You really need to have an experienced doctor take a look and run tests to check specifically for HSV2 as well as other STIs.  If they can rule out HSV2 or other STIs then hopefully they can then determine what is causing the redness, itching, and swollen condition.... again, it may not be HSV2 but, you need proper testing to verify.  Have you talked to your boyfriend about all this?  Has he had any symptoms on his genitals that are suspect?  Has he taken any tests to check for STIs?   I hope you can get more definitive testing so you know what you are dealing with and how best to treat it.  If you have any other questions/concerns, please come back and let us know.... I hope this helps a little.... best of luck.... take care.
    • CHT
      Hey Jeremy.... I know only too well that emotional pain you are feeling.... I really do.... and many of us on this site also know that pain.  It's not so much the physical side of having HSV that hurts, it's the stigma and risk of rejection that stings like hell!  You have to do what you think is right as it relates to when you disclose your HSV status when getting to know someone romantically.... I just think it's best to do it relatively early, and certainly before any sexual activity.   Have you looked into dating sites that cater to those with HSV?  I know others have had some luck with meeting partners on these sites.... you don't have to worry about the "disclosure" talk nor would you obviously have to worry about passing along a virus the other person already has.... take a few minutes and search around and see if it's an option you like. By the way, by taking your daily antiviral med and using a condom, your risk of passing along the virus is down around 1.9%.... pretty good odds that if you stick to your regimen you are very unlikely to transmit the virus....keep that in mind when you meet your next girlfriend and need to have "the talk."  That statistic might help calm any concerns about contracting the virus from you. I hope you don't give up.... as tough as it can be to find the right partner, it's still worth trying.... try to stay optimistic and look into some alternate options and see what happens.... all the best.... take care.
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