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Fear of Disclosing

Carolinagirl1419

By Carolinagirl1419,
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Carolinagirl1419 Honeycomb Member

Carolinagirl1419

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I was diagnosed with H about a year and a half ago. I took some time for myself to come to terms with everything. After a while, the only time I thought about H was when I encountered a guy I liked.

I'm to the point now where I'm ready to think about dating again, but I can't get past the thought of having to actually disclose to someone. I've told 2 girlfriends - one who has H and told me first, and another one when we were both drunk, I'm not sure she even remembers.

I've read A LOT about H and how its almost safer to be with someone who knows they have it and manages it, versus someone who doesn't know. I've read about giving the talk. I've ready about how people have normal relationships with someone who is not positive. I think what scares me the most is that I'm going to disclose to someone and if they reject me (which is fine) that they are going to tell the whole world. The anxiety of a bunch of people knowing feels worse to me than actually telling someone.

Has anyone been in that situation, where they disclosed to someone and they told everyone?

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AusHopeful Honeycomb Member

AusHopeful

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On 3/22/2017 at 9:43 AM, Carolinagirl1419 said:

I was diagnosed with H about a year and a half ago. I took some time for myself to come to terms with everything. After a while, the only time I thought about H was when I encountered a guy I liked.

I'm to the point now where I'm ready to think about dating again, but I can't get past the thought of having to actually disclose to someone. I've told 2 girlfriends - one who has H and told me first, and another one when we were both drunk, I'm not sure she even remembers.

I've read A LOT about H and how its almost safer to be with someone who knows they have it and manages it, versus someone who doesn't know. I've read about giving the talk. I've ready about how people have normal relationships with someone who is not positive. I think what scares me the most is that I'm going to disclose to someone and if they reject me (which is fine) that they are going to tell the whole world. The anxiety of a bunch of people knowing feels worse to me than actually telling someone.

Has anyone been in that situation, where they disclosed to someone and they told everyone?

I think everyone has an aspect of fear when disclosing. It is a very personal thing, I choose to disclose early. I think your biggest tool when disclosing is having information and not telling them with fear in your voice. In my experience I have disclosed to 4 men and it hasn't been a big deal to 3. One decided not to continue getting to know me and thats okay, he wasn't rude about it at all. When I do disclose I start by telling them my story then end it by saying that i know my body and am looking after myself and would never intentionally put them at risk. 
then I normally let them know the risks and and that if they want, I can answer any questions they have. and 3 out of 4 were okay with it within 2 minutes. knowledge and confidence is power. If they choose not to continue, you need to remember its the stigma and normally fear driving that, and its not about you as a person.

I haven't had anyone tell other people, but honestly if they do you just need to take it in your stride and not let it get to you. At the end of the day its just a virus and people knowing won't make you less of an awesome person. 

  • woodrose, Livelovelearn and West end gal
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woodrose Established Member

woodrose

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3 hours ago, AusHopeful said:

I think everyone has an aspect of fear when disclosing. It is a very personal thing, I choose to disclose early. I think your biggest tool when disclosing is having information and not telling them with fear in your voice. In my experience I have disclosed to 4 men and it hasn't been a big deal to 3. One decided not to continue getting to know me and thats okay, he wasn't rude about it at all. When I do disclose I start by telling them my story then end it by saying that i know my body and am looking after myself and would never intentionally put them at risk. 
then I normally let them know the risks and and that if they want, I can answer any questions they have. and 3 out of 4 were okay with it within 2 minutes. knowledge and confidence is power. If they choose not to continue, you need to remember its the stigma and normally fear driving that, and its not about you as a person.

I haven't had anyone tell other people, but honestly if they do you just need to take it in your stride and not let it get to you. At the end of the day its just a virus and people knowing won't make you less of an awesome person. 

Such a great answer. I've had 3 out of 3 say yes, within minutes, in the last 7 years. And one was even an MD!

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AusHopeful Honeycomb Member

AusHopeful

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On 29/03/2017 at 10:22 AM, woodrose said:

Such a great answer. I've had 3 out of 3 say yes, within minutes, in the last 7 years. And one was even an MD!

One of mine was a doctor too :) 

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