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any thoughts on the situation?


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so this is the story. I was in a monogamous relationship since high school. weve only been with each other. then we broke up for 6 months and I got together with 2 girls,then got back together with my ex... we were intimate 3 times when she realized she had 2-3 pimples which were diagnosed as herpes...in fact she took Valtrex and they were gone after 5 days...so I went to get tested and came back positive via igg for hsv1...it had been almost 8 weeks since I had sex with the last girl (not my ex)...my antibody count was too high...well I asked 1 of the two girls I slept with and she had cold sores every year(didn't inform the though) and I know my ex's mom gets cold sores as well.....in addition my own mom has hsv1 but asymptomatic...im so confused cause I never got any symptoms on my mouth or genitals....do u guys think I should retest or my gf should get on antivirals ? I got hsv1 but  I don't know where and id like to keep it of my genitals if possible,cause Id like to assume its orally. I'm so confused and rather depressed I made her go through this,but on the other hand I never knew,and in my country u only get tested for herpes upon request (I got tested for everything else before getting back together with her cause I wanted her to be safe)

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It seems likely that you have had HSV-1 since childhood. Half or more of the population do. The fact that you do not remember symptoms and your mother has HSV-1 is pretty convincing that you were infected before living memory and do not experience outbreaks.

As such, with an established HSV-1 infection you have great immunity from a genital infection, possibly near perfect. Antivirals do not reduce the chance of HSV infection to you.

Turning to your girlfriend, was she swabbed positive, or a visual diagnosis?

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It was a visual diagnosis,theu dont swab you.....but is it possible.I transmited this.to her after being together for 9 years? Ough what a confusing virus...

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Yes it is possible, each oral sex episode has say a 1 in 2000 chance of transmission with no sores present, so there isn't anything unusual about transmission after 9 years.

I do not know the specifics of Greece, however in many European countries herpes is not considered of much relevance. Culturally and medically, the approach is "it might be herpes, it is not much of an issue if it is, just forget about it". I feel this is appropriate advice for couples internationally full stop!

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    • CHT
      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
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