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I'm devastated and need some support...


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hi all I recently came out of a 10+ year marriage, I'm a good guy, not promiscuous, very safe, but have been in a pretty severely neglectful and sexless marriage for a long time. So needless to say I wanted the company of a woman, I met someone on match, and we ended up sleeping together. I used a condom however she gave some oral without it. My penis (the tip) started hurting a little the next couple days and I went to see a doc, and sure enough, he said I have HSV1

I cried for hours. I am devastated. I keep asking if I did something wrong to deserve this? I'm such a good guy who just desperately wanted to be with a woman after so many years of neglect and even abuse (verbal). 

Im scared. I feel alone and embarrassed and tarnished. Most of all, im worried about my little girl....does this mean I can never kiss her lips again for the rest of her life??? Does this mean that every time I kiss a woman I have to first tell her I am tainted. I feel so awful I dont know what to do, please help. 

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Hi there... thanks for sharing you will be fine. how were you diagnosed? swab and/or blood test? HSV1 on genitals almost never can be transmitted to genitals or mouth. Do you have it on your mouth? or just on gemnitals? nowadays since so many people have hsv1 orally they end end up transmitting when they do oral sex. Most of these people dont even know this can happen. More than likely you will not have many more outbreaks. Get educated on this site there is much information. 

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the doc said i have hsv1 on my genitals, he got it from a swab because my penis was burning a bit on the tip, and said i likely got it from oral sex from this woman. i used a condom for sex but not oral. 

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Ok, but do you have the actual result from the swab yet? Or was the doctor suspicious it might be HSV? How long from the swab until the results?

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3 hours ago, cinnabunz said:

the doc said i have hsv1 on my genitals, he got it from a swab because my penis was burning a bit on the tip, and said i likely got it from oral sex from this woman. i used a condom for sex but not oral. 

As the others have stated it will be from oral sex more than likely. 

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    • CHT
      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
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