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Newly Diagnosed. HELP!


lydiab

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Hello,

I just received the call from my gyno that I am HSV-2 positive. I feel completely heart broken, disgusted, anger, and sad.  I guess I thought this would never actually happen to me. 

I was in a relationship for 3 years that ended last year in Jan. 2016. We still slept together off and on, until October, when he came clean that he had several other partners and didn't always use protection. 

I went a couple months without having sex, and recently had sex with an old co-worker in Jan. 2017.  It only happened a few times, and like an idiot, I didn't use protection one of the times. 

Feb. 2017 my ex and I started hanging out again and of course have been sleeping together since. We haven't had sex in a couple weeks because I have been out of town and my period.

I noticed some bumps on my labia, which i thought were from laser hair removal treatments and shaving, etc. But hurt a little more than razor burn. I noticed them Saturday night. This past Monday, I made an appt to get checked for STD's/HIV/Herpes. The doctor said it didn't look like classic herpes, and she honestly thought it was clogged pores. But she was able to break the bump open and do a blood test as well.

Well, here I am with positive results. I honestly don't know what to do. I feel like I need to cut my ex off anyway, its been a very unhealthy relationship and tormenting on my part because he doesn't want to be with me anymore. 

Do I tell the two guys? or let it be. I am not sure what to do, and quite frankly I am super embarrassed, and I feel disgusting. 

And what advice can you give when I do meet a new partner. I feel its only fair to be honest and open that I do have the virus.

Luckily, I have been vegan for 11 years, so I do eat healthy and exercise daily. I do stress a lot with work and school, but I do not smoke and am I social drinker. The outbreak has already passed from Saturday, and there are no more bumps. 

I guess I just want advice, and anything you can tell me. I can't stop crying and I do not feel like I can tell my friends because they will judge me. I did tell my sister, and she was very supportive. 

Will I ever have a normal sex life again? and can guys still go down on me? I am just so unsure, and I feel like no one is ever going to want me again. And I'm scared to tell me ex and I really don't know if I should. 

Thank you for your time.

-L.B.

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Hey and welcome to the site @lydiab.

I think the first thing I will suggest is that I would not be telling any past partners. It just isn't useful, they'll have had other partners since, some won't have it ... a hornets nest waiting to be poked that one and you won't be thanked for it.

I would then establish exactly what test has come back as positive. If the swab then it is more likely to be the ex than anyone else who is the source. Also if the swab was positive confirm they did actually type it - the result if it was a culture seems to have come back to quick to type properly, however it may have been a PCR test. Please check into this.

As for the future, the only people you need to consider disclosing this to are sexual partners. The are a whole host of factors to consider with disclosure. Also for a whole host of reasons, I'd suggest life ends up being 'easier' if you do disclose to those you feel you want to have a relationship.

Will sex be normal again... oh yeah! Can guys go down on you? Hell yeah... I go under the sheets several times a week for my lovely girl (who has genital HSV-2).

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Thank you @WilsoInAus. I cannot stop crying. I am so mad at myself for not taking my self life more serious and protecting myself. Thank you for being so encouraging, it really means a lot right now. I guess I will be scared to meet someone new and have to disclose I have the virus. I am going to pick up the meds tomorrow, even though the bumps have passed pretty quick. I've been googling everything, is it true you have to use a dental dam? ugh I am sorry for all the questions and to be so annoying. My mind is racing. I honestly don't know who I contracted the virus from and I don't want to point fingers, but since my ex is the most recent it does make sense. 

Thank you. I cannot stop crying. I am so mad at myself for not taking my self life more serious and protecting myself. Thank you for being so encouraging, it really means a lot right now. I guess I will be scared to meet someone new and have to disclose I have the virus. I am going to pick up the meds tomorrow, even though the bumps have passed pretty quick. I've been googling everything, is it true you have to use a dental dam? ugh I am sorry for all the questions and to be so annoying. My mind is racing. I honestly don't know who I contracted the virus from and I don't want to point fingers, but since my ex is the most recent it does make sense. 

Edited by lydiab
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Remember that in the end, you have a virus. You actually have up to 80 in your body at any one time. I don't why this one is so stigmatised... certainly an invention of the 80s!

Yes I know it will be hard to disclose, but I think you'll find enough mature guys out there who just view this as a fact of life. They know somewhere between 1 in 4 to 1 in 2 women have this depending on demographics.

Most couples do not use any prevention beyond the no sex when there's an outbreak rule. I certainly don't use a dental dam!

Get a printout of the full results, it will tell you a little more.

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Hi @lydiab. I'm sorry you're going through this. It's really a shock at first but in time you will get calmed down and adjusted and you will be okay. In fact, sometimes an hsv diagnosis can give people a framework to make changes in their lives that actually see people in a happier, healthier place in their lives after diagnosis. Not that I'm saying I think you need any changes. In fact, I'd like to encourage you to move through the anger at yourself as fast as you can. The diagnosis kind of brings on a stages of grief situation and we just have to process so much information and so many feelings. But when it feels comfortable, try to take a step back and consider how you would feel for a friend or a loved one in your situation. If you're anything like me, you'd probably have lots more compassion and lots less blame for that other person. You also deeply deserve that kindness and compassion. You didn't do anything wrong. It's just a virus. It's luck of the draw. Take some time to give yourself some love and care and kindness. 

The stigma is pretty hard to take. But you have to remember that it's a relatively recent development. It coincides pretty directly to the advent of antiviral meds for hsv. It's marketing at a vicious and dark level. For me it's been really helpful to fight against internalizing it. I accept that it exists but I outright reject it a bs. That's been a powerful help to me psychologically.

In terms of future disclosure in relationships or hookups, there are some excellent posts about how to give the talk under The Secret To My Success heading here. I know it probably sounds like a daunting, impossible nightmare right now. But as you get more comfortable in your own skin again and get educated about hsv it'll just become a little nerve wracking thing and you will get through it just fine.  

Sending you a hug.

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@WilsoInAus hello. so today I went to the doctors to pick up my meds. she informed me that the swab and blood work both tested positive for HSV-2. the number attracted with the antibody was 5.41. She said that was on the high side and it seems this may have not been my first outbreak and I could potentially have been asymtomatic for 6+ months. Do you know what that number signifies? Does it mean I am more contagious? thank you for being so great. 

-LB

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LilyMae I just want to respond to your post here.  You made me cry too.  The world needs more people with your compassion and understanding.  Bless you.

lydiab you hang in there sweetheart.  We've all "been there done that" and are still here to tell the tale of new romances and genuine men who won't care because they will love you for who you are.  So be honest, and if they don't want to know after that, they weren't worth your time anyway.

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@lydiab if this was an IgG test type specific for HSV-2 then yes this confirms a longer term infection. Your doctor does seem on the ball so if say this was the case. Worthwhile just a little check that she isn't quoting an IgM result.

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@WilsoInAus

hello friend,

my doctor was quoting the IgG not the IgM. And she explained the differences to me. Ughhhhh I'm just still so sad over this whole thing. I just want to narrow the time frame down. I mean maybe I had it for years and never even knew. I am taking your advice and not going to disclose with the past partners. I feel it's going to create some unnecessary drama. And I should stop looking for someone to blame and just accept that I have it. :( 

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Hi everyone:

I have had genital herpes about 2 weeks now.

I am very optimistic and have already done tons of research on how to boost my immune system, avoid triggers and minimize future outbreaks. 

 

Like everyone else, the odds of having a future partner weight on my mind.

 

Stress and depression impair the immune system.

 

I am trying to stay as optimistic as I can.

 

Best wishes to everyone especially those of you who are afraid.

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Hi lydiab:

Please don't feel you are to blame.

Partners can carry the herpes virus yet NOT show outward symptoms, which means all your checking may not have tipped you off.

Be kind to yourself and don't panic.

Strengthen your immune system. Google: Lysine and herpes. Google: Olive leaf extract and herpes.

Hopefully everyone here can offer advice that can be verified and make your life an everyone elses live better.

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Hi lydiab:

With regards to antibodies that can attack viruses:

IgG antibody coats microorganisms and is specialized to kill certain bacteria and viruses. Astragalus, Astaxanthin, Spirulina, Bee Propolis, and Beta Glucan in Mushrooms raise IgG antibody levels.

IgM antibody operates in the bloodstream. It too attaches itself to viruses in the circulatory system. IgM antibodies are the first antibodies that respond to an infection. Astragalus, Spirulina and Astaxanthin  also boost IgM levels.

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@Raymond In Lodi 

hello! thank you so much. I just want to pinpoint when I contracted the virus to have an idea who gave it to me. I am still in shock but I know life goes on. I do need to increase my exercise regime to relieve stress. I am very busy gal with school and work and looking into grad schools. times are stressful lol. As of right now I am on acyclovir, even though I have no outbreak. I am taking a multi vit, b12, lysine, counter attack (oregano oil, zinc, vit c, elderberry,echinacea,andrographis,etc) and ginger. I am trying everything I can to remain healthy and boost my immune system. I have cut out all processed foods as well as sugar. hahaha I'm really trying here. 

 

So those supplements you listed are good for antibodies? And you suggest I incorporate them? 

 

My initial reading was a 5.41. Do you think I have really had this 6+ months. It is obvious all of my partners have been assymtomatic. 

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