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New, still pretty down about it, super excited this exists.


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Holy moly these last few months have been a roller coaster. I'm gonna just let it all out because why the heck not! I met this guy, he was.. perfect. Funny, smart, gorgeous eyes, steady job, sweet as could be the whole package. We started seeing each other and man did I fall quick, he wanted to see me all the time and became one of my best friends. He took me camping for my birthday and we finally had a little fun, few days later I start feeling funky. I choose to ignore it, thinking its got to be just a uti or a yeast infection (I get them all the time!) And then the dreaded day comes where I find a sore..

What is going on!? Can you get sores from a UTI?! WHY WOULDN'T HE TELL ME!? Well I'm an emotional wreck, I have to talk to him. I go to see him and he tells me he's feeling really sick and going to the er. Well I can't lay that on him right now, I'll wait till after the doctor. Well I get the dreaded call that next morning, the doctor tells him they think it's herpes. I'm frozen in fear, I knew subconsciously that's what it was I even called the last person I sleept with before him bawling asking if they had anything. I go to the er and low and behold the doctor thinks it's herpes. I'm treated, tested and sent on my merry way.

So that brings me to now. I'm newly diagnosed (February 14th, yea guess what I got for Valentine's Day?) still heart broken and in need of some guidance. I'm only 22 and I feel like my life is over, as much as I try and cope nothing is helping or working. The guy previously stated just thinks this would be the foundation of why we got together and doesn't want to be with me because of this, I'm truly devastated. I feel betrayed by the very person who did this to me. So long story short (after I wrote a novel) I need some advice. How do you all cope? I'm scared I'll never be able to feel okay again. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Feels good to finally get it off my chest. Peace and love my friends.

Edited by Tiedyehippie
I spelled something wrong.
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Some people have constant symptoms and nerve pain, but those are less common cases. I have more typical symptoms. I was devastated when I found out, but in retrospect it hasn't had such a negative effect on my life, even as a so called ‘womaniser’.

My life is still mostly happy and fun, and a lot of the time I forget I have HSV at all.

For the times I do remember, I'm comforted knowing that it's not forever. The scientific research going into this is promising. Read this post, and listen to the long-form presentation by Prof. Halford.


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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm just recently diagnosed, too. Trying to educate myself as much as possible. Question to honey_6974: how will a vaccine help if we already have the virus? I thought a vaccine was supposed to prevent from getting something?


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Hey DownToEarth. Welcome to the community. Just FYI you can send Private Messages to members (just put your cursor over their username or avatar on the left of their posts and then select 'message' from the popup that appears). This is more likely to get you a direct response from that member than just replying in a topic like this.

Vaccines are helpful not only for prevention but also for treatment. A vaccine can really be anything introduced into the body that creates an active acquired immunity to a particular disease-causing agent (in this context, HSV). Since people who have HSV can still get recurrent outbreaks, a vaccine can be made that helps the immune system work better to decrease or eliminate those recurrent outbreaks. This is often referred to as a therapeutic vaccine as opposed to a preventative or prophylactic vaccine, which would prevent an HSV- or uninfected individual from contracting HSV.

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    • CHT
      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
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