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Freckly

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I feel so terribly depressed I feel like my life is ruined I've had this for a year now and the breakouts, leg pain and agony down there is draining me

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I hear there's a light at the end of the herpes tunnel, I havent saw it yet but Im hoping. I've never gone more than three days without some sort of herpes related symptom- I was diagnosed May 2014. 

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Hi Freckly!  My heart goes out to you, I know how you are feeling, it's a real pig of a virus isn't it!  Are you taking any medication for it, eg acyclovir?  If not and you are getting outbreaks often, it may be worth talking to your doctor about acyclovir as a suppressant for a few months.  I seem to be rarely without an outbreak of some kind and just recently took 3 x 200mg tabs daily for 3 months, which was enough for me to be outbreak free during that time and just have a bit of relief from that draining feeling you mention.  Of course, within a month of stopping the pills, the fun was back!  Please don't think your life is ruined.  It's not.  You will find there are still good men out there who will love you regardless, and there are a lot of good people on here who understand what you are going through and want to give you some encouragement too.  So keep your chin up :)

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It's just really hard to come to terms with I feel dirty :-( I find myself struggling at work not only with the pain but teary eyed all the time. I wish I could talk to somebody I know about it but I live in fear of being judged or the information going farther :/  how do you guys cope?

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I understand how you feel.  Even all these years, I have never told anyone I know outside of a relationship.  It is still an embarrassing thing to talk about and I also think the same way as you do about other people knowing.  On the other hand, no-one outside a relationship really needs to know.  There are lots of personal things we don't discuss with most people and this is just one more.  It's not because there is anything dirty about us or our condition - they just don't need to know.  Herpes is just a virus that you caught from someone else.  The common cold is the same and you don't feel dirty when you catch that!  Sorry, I don't mean to be flippant, but I'm just trying to make a point.  It is only because this is a sexually transmitted virus that we feel this way, and that's only because "society" - mostly due to old religious dogmas - taught us that sex was dirty.  Even though things nowadays are far more open and accepted, the old ideas are still there in our subconscious.  Respect yourself, you are as good as you always were.  And if you are in an office with more than half a dozen people, I bet you aren't the only one with herpes!

It's not a pleasant disease to have, but you learn to live with it and that makes life easier.  Acceptance goes a long way, and bear in mind that stress is a major trigger for outbreaks.  A lot of people don't get outbreaks as often, so it may settle down for you soon too.  

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