Jump to content

How do I tell someone


HelpPlease2

Recommended Posts

I just found out I have this disease 3 months ago. I don't have anyone special in my life right now, but how do I tell my future partners I have it?

When I found out I had never felt so broken in my life. No one is going to want to be with me anymore and I hate that. I felt way more confident before hand. I just want to feel confident and good about myself again, but I feel like if I find another partner and tell them I have it they will leave. 

Whaf should I do? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A lot depends on what herpes types you have and their location. This is then overlayed with your community's expectations and how common the viruses are.

Are you able to share some of these features for best help.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

19 minutes ago, HelpPlease2 said:

I just found out I have this disease 3 months ago. I don't have anyone special in my life right now, but how do I tell my future partners I have it?

When I found out I had never felt so broken in my life. No one is going to want to be with me anymore and I hate that. I felt way more confident before hand. I just want to feel confident and good about myself again, but I feel like if I find another partner and tell them I have it they will leave. 

Whaf should I do? 

everyone is different, you need to work out what works for you. some people like to date for a few weeks then disclose. others like to get it out of the way fast.

knowledge is power. There are some great tips in the secret to my success threads. Go and read JBs post. 

I am someone who discloses early in the piece. I personally don't want to get too attached to someone then face rejection. 
I have told 4 men and only 1 not want to continue. 
When you tell someone you need to try not to tell them with shame in yourself. I start out by telling them my story and the risks and then always tell them I am looking after myself and would never intentionally put them at risk. Then I say I am happy to answer any questions they have.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I also tell pretty much up front. I have had acceptance and rejection.  I often keep it simple saying i have the cold sore virus but down below.  I have a link to a helpful piece of info i send so they can read up. It depends on the response as to how you talk about it. If they have oral h it is easier.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, HelpPlease2 said:

I just found out I have this disease 3 months ago. I don't have anyone special in my life right now, but how do I tell my future partners I have it?

When I found out I had never felt so broken in my life. No one is going to want to be with me anymore and I hate that. I felt way more confident before hand. I just want to feel confident and good about myself again, but I feel like if I find another partner and tell them I have it they will leave. 

Whaf should I do? 

I wait until it appears that we will be getting sexual (several months into dating, I'm older) and then I bring up the topic of testing. I ask them if they have had testing done and then I matter of factly explain my status. I always mention that with anti-virals and condom the risk to a man is about 1%.  I also use a lubricant called Divine 9 because it has carrageenan which is a natural anti-viral properties. (my doctor also told me not to shave too closely, because that increases the chance of transmission.)  If they don't want to use a condom, take the anti-virals and also use the gel.

None of the 3 men I have been involved with the last 7 years said no, and one was a doctor. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Donate

    If Honeycomb has helped you, please help us by making a donation so we can provide you with even better features and services.

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      71.9k
    • Total Posts
      485.2k
  • Posts

    • CHT
      Hi "firstimeuser".... let's see what "WilsoinAus" thinks but, for what's it worth, I don't see anything in your picture (or description) that looks like herpes..... it actually looks more like a scrape or follicle issue.... maybe even a bug bite.  Also, by the way, the odds of having HSV2 with an outbreak on your testicles is very low.... that is not a typical spot for an HSV2 outbreak.    Have your doctor take a look and if you want some peace of mind, get an IgG antibody test for HSV2 in about 12 weeks (takes that long for antibodies to develop).... but, again, I don't think you have anything to worry about here.... just not seeing anything herpes-related here.    take care....best of luck.
    • CHT
      Hi Marlena..... since you stated you've had "herpes on the lips" then you likely have oral HSV1, which the majority of adults worldwide have... the fact your results for HSV1/2 are positive (at least I believe that's what your results show - I don't speak Polish but, I think I'm seeing your results are positive based on the attachment you included) may simply be reading the fact that you have HSV1.... the question is whether you've contracted HSV2 in your genital area. Your description of symptoms could possibly be related to HSV but, it's difficult to verify with certainty based on your description. You may also have contracted a different type of sexually transmitted infection (STI) or a simple fungal infection.   Your doctor does not believe what he/she is seeing is HSV but, unless your doctor has experience with HSV, they could easily misdiagnose your condition.  You need full STI testing. Do you have the option to travel to a larger city in Poland where you could get an appointment to be seen by a doctor with more experience with STIs?  You really need to have an experienced doctor take a look and run tests to check specifically for HSV2 as well as other STIs.  If they can rule out HSV2 or other STIs then hopefully they can then determine what is causing the redness, itching, and swollen condition.... again, it may not be HSV2 but, you need proper testing to verify.  Have you talked to your boyfriend about all this?  Has he had any symptoms on his genitals that are suspect?  Has he taken any tests to check for STIs?   I hope you can get more definitive testing so you know what you are dealing with and how best to treat it.  If you have any other questions/concerns, please come back and let us know.... I hope this helps a little.... best of luck.... take care.
    • CHT
      Hey Jeremy.... I know only too well that emotional pain you are feeling.... I really do.... and many of us on this site also know that pain.  It's not so much the physical side of having HSV that hurts, it's the stigma and risk of rejection that stings like hell!  You have to do what you think is right as it relates to when you disclose your HSV status when getting to know someone romantically.... I just think it's best to do it relatively early, and certainly before any sexual activity.   Have you looked into dating sites that cater to those with HSV?  I know others have had some luck with meeting partners on these sites.... you don't have to worry about the "disclosure" talk nor would you obviously have to worry about passing along a virus the other person already has.... take a few minutes and search around and see if it's an option you like. By the way, by taking your daily antiviral med and using a condom, your risk of passing along the virus is down around 1.9%.... pretty good odds that if you stick to your regimen you are very unlikely to transmit the virus....keep that in mind when you meet your next girlfriend and need to have "the talk."  That statistic might help calm any concerns about contracting the virus from you. I hope you don't give up.... as tough as it can be to find the right partner, it's still worth trying.... try to stay optimistic and look into some alternate options and see what happens.... all the best.... take care.
    • FirstTimeUser
      @WilsoInAuswould appreciate your thoughts as have seen you comment quite a bit before!
    • Marlena
      Good morning. My name is Marlena and I come from Poland. Sorry, my English is average. For two years I have been in a relationship with a man, for a year and a half I have been struggling with intimate problems. On average, my intimate condition is getting worse every month. Then I feel itching, redness, swelling around the entrance to the vagina, small blisters (not always). Most often it is only red and swollen, itches and then disappears. This state lasts 3-4 days. I come from a small town, doctors don't know what it is. They say it's 'skin irritation'. They prescribe moisturizing creams with lactic acid, probiotics. It doesn't help. I did a blood test for HSV on my own, which is very expensive in Poland, but it does not separate HSV1 from HSV2. The doctor, when he shows these results, says that it's not herpes, but irritation. I would like to add that in the past I suffered from herpes on the lips, then it was a 'scab'. There has never been a scab in an intimate area. Sometimes there are blisters that last 1-2 days, but not always. So what do high blood test results mean? I would like to add that in Poland people do not talk about the HSV virus. It's just that sometimes someone has it on their lips and that's it. Results translation: IgM HSV 1/2: questionable IgG HSV 1/2: result above the measuring range https://files.fm/f/4cpu7uee4  
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.