My experience

[Ssny24]

I think it's really important for us to share out experience so we all know we aren't alone. This is especially important for the newly diagnosed who may not have people in the real life to talk about this to. 

Here's my experience:

I was diagnosed 5 or 6 years ago. I was sleeping with someone who knew he had it and he decided not to tell me. I dealt with that anger for a very long time. 

My first outbreak was not as bad as Ive read. Dont get me wrong. It was bad but I caught it soon enough to immediately start antivirals. I remember I first found a bump in my vagina while I was in the shower. And it stung. Then I found another one. I screamed omg that mother fucker and jumped out of the shower. I went to the ER. I couldnt wait for an appointment. They did testing and put me on valtrex. They knew without testing. I remember it was weeks before I could goto the bathroom without horrendous pain. I remember squatting in the bathtub to splash myself to clean down there. The pain was horrible. I remember thinking everyone knew. I remember planning revenge. I remember not getting revenge and accepting an apology and confession I'll never get. 

I dealt with a lot of emotions with my diagnosis. Between devestation, anger, depression, anxiety, loneliness. I started drinking and using drugs to help with these emotions. It really turned my life upside down for a while. I've now been sober for four years. 

The first couple years I never had outbreaks. Then... I got pregnant and my body hasn't been the same. 

I had my daughter two years ago. I had an outbreak when they tried to induce me (I told them my body couldn't handle all the stress they were causing trying to get her out) and they chose to do a C-section. She also underwent testing to make sure she didn't get HSV. Thank God she didn't but those feelings of shame sprouted up again thinking I put my innocent little girl in the way of harm. 

Since then my OBs are constant. I don't know what's going on with my body. Antivirals work sometimes. I use tea tree oil. I eat healthy. Take lysine supplements. The problem may be stress and lack of sleep. Who knows. Im getting very frustrated though. 

I've also had more positive experiences telling partners about HSV than negative experiences. The key is to make sure they are worth telling. Don't just meet someone and within 24 hours tell them. Get to know them. Give it a month. You may not need to tell them.

[oldgal]

Hi Ssny24.  Thank you for sharing your experience on this site.  A lot of us here can relate to your physical/emotional experiences.  Many of us also have outbreaks, or at least many unpleasant symptoms, constantly.  I am sorry to read about your earlier days and how you tried to deal with the situation, but it's wonderful to read how you pulled yourself out of the abyss and learned to accept.  That must have been really tough to do and you must have been to hell and back in that time.  Well done you!  I am full of admiration for anyone who can fight their way back from such a downward spiralling situation.  

Stress is a big issue with outbreaks.  I find nothing will bring one on faster!  Of course, stress has knock-on effects too, and even the healthiest diet will not compensate for it.  Some kind of relaxation techniques may be helpful to you.  Try a little meditation morning and evening in a quiet time.  And/or maybe yoga.  

I really couldn't agree more with your last paragraph.  It's the best possible advice to everyone in that situation.