Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
FutureRDH

Disclosing to potential new partner

Recommended Posts

FutureRDH

Hi, all!

I am newly single and I just so happen to meet such a  wonderful, intelligent, funny, charming gentleman. He is very much a gentleman And I would hope that this would go somewhere, but I'm afraid to the "talk" how does that come about, how do you tell them,  when should I tell him?  Should I do it in person. Over the phone or via text? I just don't want to loose an opportunity to be with an awesome man. Please help! How can have a successful relationship with spreading it ? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LillianPanos

Hi. Welcome.  I was in your same situation a year ago. It took me 6 wks to tell him. I got info from people here on how to do it. Try not to cry when you tell him of course I tried but failed. I tried to not make it like the worse thing in the world which it isn't.  I asked him if he knew about cold sores on the mouth?  informed him I had them on the genitals had  jus been infected by person in last relationship.  He said he had cold sores as child. In informed him I was just learning about it and if he wanted to kick me to the curb I understand.  Dont say that! I further said we can still do many things sexually and we could learn together.  I offered to have him speak with someone on this site more knowledgeable than me he did that made him more comfortable.  I suggested he get tested as he may have it and not had any symptoms.  He did he has hsv1 cold sores tho his #s low and he hasn't had one in yrs. He respected my honesty and wanted to be with me. It's been a yr and we are loving each other! This worked for me could I have done it sooner or differently yes.Hang in there it will work out! Let us know.

39 minutes ago, FutureRDH said:

Hi, all!

I am newly single and I just so happen to meet such a  wonderful, intelligent, funny, charming gentleman. He is very much a gentleman And I would hope that this would go somewhere, but I'm afraid to the "talk" how does that come about, how do you tell them,  when should I tell him?  Should I do it in person. Over the phone or via text? I just don't want to loose an opportunity to be with an awesome man. Please help! How can have a successful relationship with spreading it ? 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
FutureRDH

Thank you Lillian, much appreciated!!! That's Good advice. I have found a person that helps with disclosing to partners, so I'm gonna do that as well. But it's so scary! Like, how do I sit in front of someone and tell them, and I just don't feel like it's right to do any other way(text or call). It's scary because I get cold sores and I fear what if he tries to kiss me,  it's only coming up on our second date and he is a gentleman but it is a legit concern.  thank you for sharing you experience, I hope goes as well as yours did!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LillianPanos

Good luck... I know you want to be honest and do the right thing.  Thats showing respect! Chances he has it already but be prepared.  Let us know how it goes!

14 hours ago, FutureRDH said:

Thank you Lillian, much appreciated!!! That's Good advice. I have found a person that helps with disclosing to partners, so I'm gonna do that as well. But it's so scary! Like, how do I sit in front of someone and tell them, and I just don't feel like it's right to do any other way(text or call). It's scary because I get cold sores and I fear what if he tries to kiss me,  it's only coming up on our second date and he is a gentleman but it is a legit concern.  thank you for sharing you experience, I hope goes as well as yours did!

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
markymark
On 04/04/2017 at 11:37 AM, FutureRDH said:

Hi, all!

I am newly single and I just so happen to meet such a  wonderful, intelligent, funny, charming gentleman. He is very much a gentleman And I would hope that this would go somewhere, but I'm afraid to the "talk" how does that come about, how do you tell them,  when should I tell him?  Should I do it in person. Over the phone or via text? I just don't want to loose an opportunity to be with an awesome man. Please help! How can have a successful relationship with spreading it ? 

One thing to remember is that he quite probably already has herpes - most people are carrying hsv-1. A large number of people are carrying hsv-2 too. In most cases, for both strains, the person is unaware. They might once have seen a rash or lesions but they cleared up and they forgot about it. Many people pick up hsv-1 especially in childhood.

 

Just worth remembering I think that by having either hsv-1 or hsv-2 you're in the majority so don't put too much pressure on yourself.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      69,563
    • Total Posts
      468,599
  • Posts

    • WilsoInAus
      @Talx2520 based on what you say, Im not sure the odds exceed 50/50 that you have genital herpes. If you take a random genital infection from vaginal sex then about 95% of the time it’s HSV-2. How long after the episode was the blood test?
    • Talx2520
      Thanks for the response! My first suspected outbreak was definitely painful. Started with what felt like a UTI, then noticed what looked like ulcers starting 1.5 days after unprotected sex. Never scabbed over, but I had a horrible itch that lasted 2  weeks (didn't feel like yeast). Given my symptoms, I've pretty sure its genital herpes, but I mean it could have been some allergy (I had extremely rough intercourse in the middle of the wilderness, sorry if that is tmi lol and maybe naive of me to think it was a weird plant). Both my mom, sister, and grandma get coldsores and I feel like i've totally shared drinks with them even during their outbreaks. Can't remember if I ever had one though. I am not totally sure how I should go about disclosing in general. Should I mention I had a full panel and hsv-1 came up positive and that I am not sure where it is? I really wish I had just gotten it swabbed, but couldn't afford it without insurance at the time. I was under the impression that if it was herpes, it would come back and I could get it swabbed, but I realize now that with HSV-1 that isnt always the case. 
    • WilsoInAus
      @viralfrog given your symptoms do not react to any known antiviral doesn thatvsuggest these are not herpes lesion?  Lets apply Occam’s razor here.
    • viralfrog
      @Lulupazoola I have tried with a straw but it's difficult to create enough suction if the straw is deep enough in your throat  After drinking 6g from a shotglass I immediately drink a glass of water to dilute it down the throat.  Little update: blisters, redness and lethargy are back today. I'm still off the antivirals completely and my outbreaks are not any worse than usual for now. That's interesting, it seems I don't react at all to Acyclovir.   
    • viralfrog
      Technically speaking, someone with a strong immune system could have a mild initial outbreak. Normally, they would remain mild and decrease over time. However, if you put yourself in a situation later that gives a big hit to your immune system (e.g. binge drinking, other illness, no sleep etc.) you could have a bigger outbreak as a result. 
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.