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Little goat

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Hey everyone,

I have recently been diagnosed with HSV 1&2. I'm scared, not gonna lie. I feel like sometimes I feel ok and sometimes I wanna die. I know it's just a virus and I'm sure I'll get over it but for now, that's the truth. 

I found out my partner had it AFTER we had unprotected sex multiple times. 

He broke down when he found out because he was married for 20 years and his spouse never got it.  He says he wanted to tell me so many times but I would make comments about herpes, saying people were gross, etc. 

Also, I have been going through a major depression the past 6 months we've know each other. We are both going through divorces currently. Well, mine was final in January and his will be final in the coming weeks.  Nearly everyday I would want to kill myself and I was having obsessive thoughts from the time I woke up until the time I fell to sleep.  

in addition, he also had an extremely hard time telling me because he got it from his uncle who molested him for years when he was younger.

i knew about him being molested but not that part  

I feel betrayed on one hand but on the other I understand why he did what he did

i do love him very much and he is literally the man of my dreams  

I am honesty more worried about the trust more than the HSV  

I just realized how many typos and grammatical errors I've made- forgive me!  

Thanks for reading!

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I get how you're feeling. I'm new to this too. I'm young, in my 20s never been married, no kids...I also struggle with depression and anxiety. I've had similar thoughts like you're having but NOTHING is worth taking your life over. I have had to talk myself down too. We're going to be okay! Just keep telling yourself you're still the same person, you're worthy of ALL the good things! Hang in there! 

 

Xoxo

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38 minutes ago, Whyyyyy said:

I get how you're feeling. I'm new to this too. I'm young, in my 20s never been married, no kids...I also struggle with depression and anxiety. I've had similar thoughts like you're having but NOTHING is worth taking your life over. I have had to talk myself down too. We're going to be okay! Just keep telling yourself you're still the same person, you're worthy of ALL the good things! Hang in there! 

 

Xoxo

And you are in love with someone who also has it, that should reduce some of your stress even though it's natural for you to be upset with him! 

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I'm with you too! I just got diagnosed three days ago and I feel the exact same way. I breakdown multiple times throughout the day, especially when I first wake up. I agree I would be really upset with him too, but on the bright side atleast you have somebody to get through this with. You will be okay and the depression will pass! Reading a lot on this site will really help you realize it isn't as bad as the stigma makes it out to be. The emotional effect of it all is so much worse than the actual virus. 

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1 hour ago, kittenz said:

 The emotional effect of it all is so much worse than the actual virus. 

This is so true and is the main cause of all the misery.  Be kind to yourselves girls and never see yourselves as anything less than you were before the diagnosis.  YOU take charge of the herpes, don't allow the herpes to take charge of YOU! :thumbsup:

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The bit the beginning days weeks months are the hardest but as time goes by it does get easier.  I think what you really have to do is not even think about the stigma the way I see it it is just people who are uneducated.  And if anyone does judge me because I have herpes then they are not someone that I would want to be with anyway.  A lot of people have herpes for a long long time and don't even know they have it and then one day they get tested and all the sudden it changes the way they feel about themselves.   They have lived a happy normal life with herpes and just because now they know they have it it changes things.  It really doesn't make sense.  And it is exactly the same with everybody just because you have herpes it doesn't change who you are it is only your mind that changes things.  

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6 hours ago, Lisajd said:

The bit the beginning days weeks months are the hardest but as time goes by it does get easier.  I think what you really have to do is not even think about the stigma the way I see it it is just people who are uneducated.  And if anyone does judge me because I have herpes then they are not someone that I would want to be with anyway.  A lot of people have herpes for a long long time and don't even know they have it and then one day they get tested and all the sudden it changes the way they feel about themselves.   They have lived a happy normal life with herpes and just because now they know they have it it changes things.  It really doesn't make sense.  And it is exactly the same with everybody just because you have herpes it doesn't change who you are it is only your mind that changes things.  

This is SO true...I've had it a while unwittingly and lived a very happy life! Now that I know my wold feels like it has come crashing down. So silly, really. I even have very mild symptoms.

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Little goat, sounds like you have had a lot of challenges and stressors to deal with lately. Have you been able to find support for the divorce/depression? If you are struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts, getting professional help would be a good starting point for learning healthy coping skills and processing everything you're going through. I know it can be easy to convince yourself that it is not necessary for many reasons, but it is literally a life and death matter. You deserve love. (especially from yourself!) 

Welcome to Honeycomb, glad to have you here :squeeze: 

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