Major Dilemma

[luvurself16]

My ex-husband in the past have tried to reconcile with me and I've always been cold or plain mean to him. I never wanted to let him know that I contracted this virus. If I didn't have it I would be with him in a second. I do still love him and always will. The reason we divorced was because his family never liked me and I eventually grew to resent him for it. We separated and I became depressed and vulnerable. My giver came into my life and cursed me. My outbreaks have gotten better but I will be contagious for life. If hurts that my ex-husband hates me and I am thinking about telling him about my virus just so he can understand the true reason I didn't take him back so we can atleast be friends for the sake of our child. But then sometimes I wonder if I would care that he harbored so much animosity for rejecting him if I didn't have this virus. I'm so confused and afraid to tell him. What if he tells everyone? Or accuses me of sleeping around? I can't get in to see my therapist until next week.

[Hansje]

Well, it has been a long road that led you here. It may sound a bit harsh, but I think you can wait until next week. Your therapist knows you and your situation much better than we do, and she can see and give all kinds of non verbal clues that get lost here in this environment of written texts.

Your problem and also your own role in it sound a bit complicated to me. I wouldn't dare give you an advice on this. I really think this is something to discuss with your therapist. The small wait gives you time to really think about your problem and find the right words when with your therapist next week. Good luck!

[LillianPanos]

Hi. Thanks for sharing your feelings. You mention he hates you but wants to get back together which I think you do to. You never know. I think the truth will set you free. also outcomes vary depending on persons involved situation etc. Many times when I am in similar situation I pray. I pray for not necessarily the outcome I want but for the stress of it all I be relieved of, and acceptance of the outcome. I kind of do this every day. Helps me handle life!

1 hour ago, luvurself16 said:

My ex-husband in the past have tried to reconcile with me and I've always been cold or plain mean to him. I never wanted to let him know that I contracted this virus. If I didn't have it I would be with him in a second. I do still love him and always will. The reason we divorced was because his family never liked me and I eventually grew to resent him for it. We separated and I became depressed and vulnerable. My giver came into my life and cursed me. My outbreaks have gotten better but I will be contagious for life. If hurts that my ex-husband hates me and I am thinking about telling him about my virus just so he can understand the true reason I didn't take him back so we can atleast be friends for the sake of our child. But then sometimes I wonder if I would care that he harbored so much animosity for rejecting him if I didn't have this virus. I'm so confused and afraid to tell him. What if he tells everyone? Or accuses me of sleeping around? I can't get in to see my therapist until next week.

 

[oldgal]

Just wondering....  It sounds like you have been separated/divorced for some time.  You say that in the past your ex has wanted a reconciliation - has something happened very recently to bring on this sense of urgency that I am detecting in your post?  When you say you "can't get in to see your therapist until next week", it sounds like you were hoping for something much sooner.  It also sounds like you are hoping that there will be someone who can make the decision for you, who will tell you what to do.  Well, I guess we all do that.  I certainly do.  But at the end of the day, with me anyway, I already know the answer in my heart and just really want someone else to somehow confirm it.

Hansje probably has given the best advice if you don't have anyone else who knows your story as well as your therapist does.  But you are the one who knows your ex the best.  You are in a disclosure situation with all the same fears of rejection, but not with someone you don't know very well.  Do you really think he would tell everyone that you had herpes?  Is he a man who reacts like that?  Only you know.  And I wonder how likely he is to accuse you of sleeping around.  You say you are divorced - does he think your life ended when you split up?  Do you think his life did?  It sounds to me as though you are projecting your own feelings onto him, ie that you are carrying feelings of guilt or low self esteem and think that's how others are seeing you.  Being diagnosed with herpes is a real roller-coaster ride emotionally, as I'm sure you have found out.  But none of it is real, it's all just in your head.  You have been married and had a child, so you know you are a loving and caring woman who puts others before herself a lot of the time.  I bet you're still the same lady!  Your name is giving you the best advice possible 

Anyway, it's food for thought to hopefully collect your ideas before you see your therapist.  I also wish you good luck.

[Seeker1960]

He there Luv,

Yes you should wait to see your therapist for sure. I know you feel a mixture of emotions. When we act on our emotions we tend to make bad decisions in general. Wait to talk it out and work through the emotions so that you can be clear minded when you do say what you want to say to your ex.