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Silently Suffering


unrelentingagony

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Hi everyone. 

Found out about my status about 3 months ago, after sleeping unprotected with a guy I had been seeing at the time. Immediately following our first unprotected act, I felt as if something was wrong. About a week later I got tested, unsure if it was all in my head or not. I had no other symptoms other than the general feeling of something being wrong down there. I had to force the urgent care to test me, by telling them I had slept with someone who I know has herpes, because they only test if you have visible symptoms or known exposure. Two weeks went by and I just hoped for the best. I got the call that I tested positive (igM) meaning I had recently acquired it. I was devastated. I was still seeing the guy and he was extremely supportive and that helped some. I read all these forums online about how inreliable igM tests are, and started having faith and hope it was a false positive, because I still had no visible symptoms. About a month later I went to the gyno for a cyst I had developed, and they tested me again. I had a negative igG test, and a positive chlamydia test. I thought that I had been saved. I prayed for the lord to save me, to take this from me, to give me another chance for I'd never had an STD before, and have a known history of depression and anxiety and I was unsure if I would be able to take it. I started going to church more, started reading the bible everyday. I believed that I had been given a second chance. 

About two weeks go by and I am still uncomfortable. I have finished the medicine for the chlamydia and I still feel wrong. Itching, burning when I pee, tingling legs. The tingling I knew was a symptom specific to herpes, but again I just prayed it was my anxiety. I went to 5 different gynocologists, three of which refused to test me without visible symptoms. But I just knew something was not right. I tested negative for chlamydia, meaning the drugs had worked, but positive for some other sort of infection (it said Staph B) some weird bacteria. After I visited a final doctor, and said bluntly I think I have herpes please test me, again my igM was positive and igG was negative. She put me on a course of antivirals, and I started to feel better. Two weeks passed and I felt worse again. Still no lesions, but burning, itching, general discomfort. Two more weeks pass and I feel better. 

I am now sitting here in the midst of the 3rd week of an outbreak. Finally the lesions have appeared, it is undeniable I am infected. I only have visible blisters on my inner thighs but my entire vaginal area is wrecked. My whole body itches and is on fire, and I have bouts of uncontrollable itching down there. I am talking about cry yourself to sleep pray for the lord to please take the sensation away itching. Itching that only goes away by scratching, and scratching that only makes it a trillion times worse. It is not particularly worse on the actual blisters either. My entire under area all the way to my anus is on fire consistently. The antivirals don't work. Lysine is not working. The only thing that helps is slathering the area in tea tree and coconut oil conconctions, sometimes advil, and sometime benadryl just so I can sleep at night. 

I told my mom about it because I felt that I was losing myself and that I was going to lose my life. We are extremely close and she is extremely supportive but I hate talking to her about it because she is directly affected by my sadness and suffering. So when she asks me how I'm doing everyday I tell her I am fine and feeling better and I am definitely not. 

Everyday is pain and misery, and going to sleep every night is torture. I know that I will have a tough time with this disease just by the fact that I have been suffering for three months straight, and the lesions are everywhere. I guess I am just looking for the bright side in this, because I have been living in darkness for too long now. 

The way I see it is while I'm not depressed about the stigma, I am depressed because I feel I destroyed a special part of myself. I have not felt "normal" since the first time I slept with that guy. I will have to live the rest of my life battling these OBs, spending money I wouldn't have to, crying everyday, thinking about possibly transmitting it to someone and giving them a disease that had significantly decreased my quality of life. Even if I found someone who accepted my disease, why would I ever want to expose them to the risk. This is horrible.

My life is falling apart, and everyday is worse. Everyday hurts a little more emotionally and physically. I just want it all to end. I can't hold on for much longer. 

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Please get to a doctor immediately for a swab of the lesions and ask them to ensure they properly type the swab if it is positive. 

If it is now 3 months since you last had sex with this guy, then obtain IgG testing. Make sure it is type specific for HSV-1 and HSV-2.

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@eva13 Everyone's immune system responds differently. You have had the virus a very short period of time. You need to give your body time to adjust to it. You need to get into therapy to deal with your emotions right now. Things will get better for you in time. If you read the many stories here of people who have overcome with this and are living good quality lives. You will overcome too. Don't give up hope. There are some things on the horizon that may be the breakthrough treatment and make this virus a small issues.

Stay here and speak to others. You are going to make through this tough time. It will get better.

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7 hours ago, WilsoInAus said:

Please get to a doctor immediately for a swab of the lesions and ask them to ensure they properly type the swab if it is positive. 

If it is now 3 months since you last had sex with this guy, then obtain IgG testing. Make sure it is type specific for HSV-1 and HSV-2.

 

Hello, 

Thanks for the response. How will getting type tested impact my diagnosis? I know I definitely have it. And judging by the aggressiveness of the virus on my body I am fairly certain it is HSV-2. 

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9 minutes ago, eva13 said:

Hello, 

Thanks for the response. How will getting type tested impact my diagnosis? I know I definitely have it. And judging by the aggressiveness of the virus on my body I am fairly certain it is HSV-2. 

It's just good to make sure the type (s) you have so you know what you're working with. They say with ghsv1 you have a bad first outbreak and then most people don't have another...I have hsv2 and have little to no symptoms...just depends on your body. 

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4 hours ago, eva13 said:

Hello, 

Thanks for the response. How will getting type tested impact my diagnosis? I know I definitely have it. And judging by the aggressiveness of the virus on my body I am fairly certain it is HSV-2. 

No there is no way of knowing that at all. If you do not know type, you can't have a proper disclosure discussion for example, understand transmission chances and effectiveness of preventative measures.

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Sounds like you should be in the hospital. The symptoms aren't supposed to be constant for 3 months. If you aren't OK with your doctor get a second opinion. You should be on the road to recovery with the right treatment.

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Oh honey, I know it hurts. I am going through an outbreak right now and sometimes the negative thoughts are more painful that the body pains. 

HSV1 can be just as aggressive. My first HSV1  OB was horribly painful, and I still get OB's but they are so much less severe and less painful. Your body will get better at fighting the virus. 

Try to love yourself, do things that make you happy. Pamper yourself somehow. Your mental outlook on this has a direct impact on your healing. 

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Sorry to hear you suffer so much. I'd suggest to use St. John Wort for anxiety and depression. You can buy it as capsules or tea without prescription. I drink tea every day and it helps. Also, I was surprised to read here that it have other benefits to fight herpes. If you look at all of the health benefits of this herb, it's really miracle. Wishing you get better soon. You're not alone in this.

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    • CHT
      Hey Jeremy.... I know only too well that emotional pain you are feeling.... I really do.... and many of us on this site also know that pain.  It's not so much the physical side of having HSV that hurts, it's the stigma and risk of rejection that stings like hell!  You have to do what you think is right as it relates to when you disclose your HSV status when getting to know someone romantically.... I just think it's best to do it relatively early, and certainly before any sexual activity.   Have you looked into dating sites that cater to those with HSV?  I know others have had some luck with meeting partners on these sites.... you don't have to worry about the "disclosure" talk nor would you obviously have to worry about passing along a virus the other person already has.... take a few minutes and search around and see if it's an option you like. By the way, by taking your daily antiviral med and using a condom, your risk of passing along the virus is down around 1.9%.... pretty good odds that if you stick to your regimen you are very unlikely to transmit the virus....keep that in mind when you meet your next girlfriend and need to have "the talk."  That statistic might help calm any concerns about contracting the virus from you. I hope you don't give up.... as tough as it can be to find the right partner, it's still worth trying.... try to stay optimistic and look into some alternate options and see what happens.... all the best.... take care.
    • FirstTimeUser
      @WilsoInAuswould appreciate your thoughts as have seen you comment quite a bit before!
    • Marlena
      Good morning. My name is Marlena and I come from Poland. Sorry, my English is average. For two years I have been in a relationship with a man, for a year and a half I have been struggling with intimate problems. On average, my intimate condition is getting worse every month. Then I feel itching, redness, swelling around the entrance to the vagina, small blisters (not always). Most often it is only red and swollen, itches and then disappears. This state lasts 3-4 days. I come from a small town, doctors don't know what it is. They say it's 'skin irritation'. They prescribe moisturizing creams with lactic acid, probiotics. It doesn't help. I did a blood test for HSV on my own, which is very expensive in Poland, but it does not separate HSV1 from HSV2. The doctor, when he shows these results, says that it's not herpes, but irritation. I would like to add that in the past I suffered from herpes on the lips, then it was a 'scab'. There has never been a scab in an intimate area. Sometimes there are blisters that last 1-2 days, but not always. So what do high blood test results mean? I would like to add that in Poland people do not talk about the HSV virus. It's just that sometimes someone has it on their lips and that's it. Results translation: IgM HSV 1/2: questionable IgG HSV 1/2: result above the measuring range https://files.fm/f/4cpu7uee4  
    • FirstTimeUser
      This is my first time posting here. Im generally pretty anxious when it comes to anything to do with health conditions etc. For context I have had jock itch and fungal infections previously on my buttcrack. I have had 0 new sexual partners and I am not concerned about my girlfriend cheating at all. 4 days ago my balls began itching and red pretty much all over, as you can see some general flakeyness and what looks to be a lesion I noticed on Monday when I checked them out. My partner and I do get cold sores from time to time so the anxious part of me is concerned this could be herpes, but at the same time could be some sort of fungal infection. My doctor cant see me until tomorrow so I just have to worry until then. There is no pain and nothing on the penis or anywhere else, just general itchiness. Any ideas if this is herpes or not?  
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Yes, but every married person who I found out about that has this waited 6-8 months into the relationship to disclose it. But maybe you're right. If I had told her 6-7 months in, she'd still have Googled it and flipped out, and maybe it would have been harder then. I don't know. I don't see myself going through this level of pain and rejection so easily next time. I really don't. I'm taking the meds. I use protection. It's been almost a decade since I've had it so I'm not worried about shedding or passing it on so easily. British studies confirm that the first 2 years are the most contagious and we're passed that. I'm just over this. I've never been in so much emotional pain in my life.
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