Down today - Not optimistic about a cure

[Dreamer10]

Though I have both HSV 1 & 2 with no noticeable symptoms I just really want a cure mainly because of the mentality portion of it. For almost five years I have been so paranoid about transmitting it.  It's drains me!  Even if HSV 1 is cured I'll be happy because of the amount of kids who get it.  I am at the 5 year mark and I read about people at the 10,20 and even 30 year mark and it just make me less hopeful of a cure.  I know we learn to live with it and it becomes less potent, so to speak, but some days the mental component, the paranoia of transmitting,  the stigma just gets to me.  

[oldgal]

35 minutes ago, Dreamer10 said:

For almost five years I have been so paranoid about transmitting it.  It's drains me!  

Dreamer10 - sounds more like Nightmare247!!  Better you wake up from it and get a bit of a grip.  Why are you so paranoid, as you say?  As long as you disclose to any prospective sexual partners, you are giving them the choice.  They can either accept the situation and stay with you, or decide to move on.  It is out of your hands in that respect.  You have done your bit and the paranoia of transmitting is really not an issue.

If it is more the HSV1 you are afraid of, perhaps with the idea that you will transmit this via non-sexual means, then I can understand how you feel to a certain extent.  I have been a bit shocked since joining this site by some of the stories as I had no idea HSV1 could be transmitted in so many ways.  You can still disclose, but in practical terms in many cases it seems to me, this becomes a bit problematic.  If you are out having a few drinks with friends and there is a chance someone else picks up your glass, what are you going to do?  Are you going to announce to everyone everywhere you go that you have HSV1?  Maybe have it tattooed on your forehead?!  The fact of the matter is, unless you refrain from all physical contact and are scrupulous in keeping absolutely everything you use to yourself - basically locking yourself away in a hermetically sealed vault kind of existence(!) - you can't guarantee that you won't pass it on.  A vast majority of the population already has HSV1 without knowing it, and all of those are living a normal interactive life and presumably spreading it around even more.  It isn't a perfect situation by any means, but tormenting yourself over it isn't going to make things better.

There WILL be a cure for herpes in the not too distant future I believe.  The fact that you have read about those who have had it for 10, 20 and even 30 years (you missed me, I'm a 35er!) has you even more despondent in terms of a cure, but to my way of thinking, that just means that a cure must be getting closer.

There are two kinds of people in the world - those who see the glass as half empty and those who see it as half full.  The glass has the same amount in it for both kinds of people, but the two perspectives are the difference between living a happy life with herpes and living a miserable one.  As I said to someone previously in another post - YOU take charge of the herpes, don't let the herpes take charge of YOU.  You can't live a normal life thinking that you are a sort of walking time bomb.  Go out and live your life with a responsible attitude and be happy knowing that you are doing all you can.

[Dreamer10]

5 hours ago, oldgal said:

Dreamer10 - sounds more like Nightmare247!!  Better you wake up from it and get a bit of a grip.  Why are you so paranoid, as you say?  As long as you disclose to any prospective sexual partners, you are giving them the choice.  They can either accept the situation and stay with you, or decide to move on.  It is out of your hands in that respect.  You have done your bit and the paranoia of transmitting is really not an issue.

If it is more the HSV1 you are afraid of, perhaps with the idea that you will transmit this via non-sexual means, then I can understand how you feel to a certain extent.  I have been a bit shocked since joining this site by some of the stories as I had no idea HSV1 could be transmitted in so many ways.  You can still disclose, but in practical terms in many cases it seems to me, this becomes a bit problematic.  If you are out having a few drinks with friends and there is a chance someone else picks up your glass, what are you going to do?  Are you going to announce to everyone everywhere you go that you have HSV1?  Maybe have it tattooed on your forehead?!  The fact of the matter is, unless you refrain from all physical contact and are scrupulous in keeping absolutely everything you use to yourself - basically locking yourself away in a hermetically sealed vault kind of existence(!) - you can't guarantee that you won't pass it on.  A vast majority of the population already has HSV1 without knowing it, and all of those are living a normal interactive life and presumably spreading it around even more.  It isn't a perfect situation by any means, but tormenting yourself over it isn't going to make things better.

There WILL be a cure for herpes in the not too distant future I believe.  The fact that you have read about those who have had it for 10, 20 and even 30 years (you missed me, I'm a 35er!) has you even more despondent in terms of a cure, but to my way of thinking, that just means that a cure must be getting closer.

There are two kinds of people in the world - those who see the glass as half empty and those who see it as half full.  The glass has the same amount in it for both kinds of people, but the two perspectives are the difference between living a happy life with herpes and living a miserable one.  As I said to someone previously in another post - YOU take charge of the herpes, don't let the herpes take charge of YOU.  You can't live a normal life thinking that you are a sort of walking time bomb.  Go out and live your life with a responsible attitude and be happy knowing that you are doing all you can.

Thanks for responding! 

I am married and not really concerned about 2 other than the fact that I have not had oral sex performed on me in almost 5 years (lol) but knowing what I know now I understand that. I do however worry about 1 since I have a kid.  I have relatives staying with me now and a cold sore appeared on my nephew's lip yesterday,  I have never kissed him or anything but it took me over.  I worry about his mom using my lipstick, soap, etc.  I monitor their every cough, pain, headaches thinking she could have inadvertently used something of mine.  I don't get noticeable outbreaks other than a tingle here or there so I just assume I am always "shedding". 

I was doing fine being at the 5 year mark but just having a rough patch with it.  My husband said similar things that you stated but the thought of passing it hurts  like hell.   I am never discussed this with anyone other than my husband so I suffer in silence.  I am known for having a forgiving heart but I think I have not forgiven myself for getting H. 

Again, thanks for your words and I pray a cure is near.

[luvurself16]

10 minutes ago, Dreamer10 said:

Thanks for responding! 

I am married and not really concerned about 2 other than the fact that I have not had oral sex performed on me in almost 5 years (lol) but knowing what I know now I understand that. I do however worry about 1 since I have a kid.  I have relatives staying with me now and a cold sore appeared on my nephew's lip yesterday,  I have never kissed him or anything but it took me over.  I worry about his mom using my lipstick, soap, etc.  I monitor their every cough, pain, headaches thinking she could have inadvertently used something of mine.  I don't get noticeable outbreaks other than a tingle here or there so I just assume I am always "shedding". 

I was doing fine being at the 5 year mark but just having a rough patch with it.  My husband said similar things that you stated but the thought of passing it hurts  like hell.   I am never discussed this with anyone other than my husband so I suffer in silence.  I am known for having a forgiving heart but I think I have not forgiven myself for getting H. 

Again, thanks for your words and I pray a cure is near.

Have you tried dental dams for oral sex? Give it a shot.

[Dreamer10]

15 minutes ago, luvurself16 said:

Have you tried dental dams for oral sex? Give it a shot.

 No I have not, I researched them before but I will again. B

[Whyyyyy]

I'm in the exact same boat as you dreamer. I have both with no symptoms but I'm paranoid about passing it on!

[Lisajd]

Important to remember the risk of your partner hetting hsv2 from oral sex is very low.  If you have no symptoms and have had the virus a long time its low risk.  Has your partner been tested as yet?  Secondly 80% of the population have oral hsv.  Most pple you know will probably have it.  You say your nephew has a cold sore. Likely from another relative or his parent. This is why you cant be paranoid about the hsv1.  

[oldgal]

Hello again Dreamer.  I didn't realise you were married, and for some reason I also thought you were a man lol!  Now I see more clearly where you are coming from.  I'm so happy you have a loving and supportive husband and it sounds as though he tries to keep the balance.  Of course it is a very real concern with the children in your household, but at the same time you can't think of yourself as an untouchable.  You can only do the best you can - as I said having a responsible attitude - and living a normal life.  You say you are a forgiving person but haven't forgiven yourself.  This is the thing.  You don't have anything to forgive yourself for.  You never did anything wrong.  Too many people carry this virus around with a huge guilt label attached.  It was not contracted by some evil action and you are not using it as a weapon to hurt others.  It's out there like all the other viruses and is becoming more and more difficult to avoid.  There's no doubt it causes a lot of suffering for many people, but you - and many others - are adding much more suffering to your own life by making it a mental torment instead of just a physical one.  Please be kind to yourself, lots of love to you 

[Dreamer10]

1 hour ago, oldgal said:

Hello again Dreamer.  I didn't realise you were married, and for some reason I also thought you were a man lol!  Now I see more clearly where you are coming from.  I'm so happy you have a loving and supportive husband and it sounds as though he tries to keep the balance.  Of course it is a very real concern with the children in your household, but at the same time you can't think of yourself as an untouchable.  You can only do the best you can - as I said having a responsible attitude - and living a normal life.  You say you are a forgiving person but haven't forgiven yourself.  This is the thing.  You don't have anything to forgive yourself for.  You never did anything wrong.  Too many people carry this virus around with a huge guilt label attached.  It was not contracted by some evil action and you are not using it as a weapon to hurt others.  It's out there like all the other viruses and is becoming more and more difficult to avoid.  There's no doubt it causes a lot of suffering for many people, but you - and many others - are adding much more suffering to your own life by making it a mental torment instead of just a physical one.  Please be kind to yourself, lots of love to you 

I laughed and smiled after reading this... thanks so much 

[Cas9]

Yes, I also thought she was a man. It's the generic icon image; it looks like a man.

[Disc0rdant]

11 hours ago, Dreamer10 said:

I laughed and smiled after reading this... thanks so much 

I agree.  Be kind to yourself.  Talk to your husband or just cuddle up to him and dont talk.  I bet he has some insights.

[Lurker_No_More]

On 17/04/2017 at 5:23 PM, oldgal said:

Dreamer10 - sounds more like Nightmare247!!  Better you wake up from it and get a bit of a grip.  Why are you so paranoid, as you say?  As long as you disclose to any prospective sexual partners, you are giving them the choice.  They can either accept the situation and stay with you, or decide to move on.  It is out of your hands in that respect.  You have done your bit and the paranoia of transmitting is really not an issue.

If it is more the HSV1 you are afraid of, perhaps with the idea that you will transmit this via non-sexual means, then I can understand how you feel to a certain extent.  I have been a bit shocked since joining this site by some of the stories as I had no idea HSV1 could be transmitted in so many ways.  You can still disclose, but in practical terms in many cases it seems to me, this becomes a bit problematic.  If you are out having a few drinks with friends and there is a chance someone else picks up your glass, what are you going to do?  Are you going to announce to everyone everywhere you go that you have HSV1?  Maybe have it tattooed on your forehead?!  The fact of the matter is, unless you refrain from all physical contact and are scrupulous in keeping absolutely everything you use to yourself - basically locking yourself away in a hermetically sealed vault kind of existence(!) - you can't guarantee that you won't pass it on.  A vast majority of the population already has HSV1 without knowing it, and all of those are living a normal interactive life and presumably spreading it around even more.  It isn't a perfect situation by any means, but tormenting yourself over it isn't going to make things better.

There WILL be a cure for herpes in the not too distant future I believe.  The fact that you have read about those who have had it for 10, 20 and even 30 years (you missed me, I'm a 35er!) has you even more despondent in terms of a cure, but to my way of thinking, that just means that a cure must be getting closer.

There are two kinds of people in the world - those who see the glass as half empty and those who see it as half full.  The glass has the same amount in it for both kinds of people, but the two perspectives are the difference between living a happy life with herpes and living a miserable one.  As I said to someone previously in another post - YOU take charge of the herpes, don't let the herpes take charge of YOU.  You can't live a normal life thinking that you are a sort of walking time bomb.  Go out and live your life with a responsible attitude and be happy knowing that you are doing all you can.

I know that that was posted relatively long ago, but it was a great read. Thank you for this post. It was much needed.