Jump to content

My partner may have gotten HSV 1 from me


Recommended Posts

I have not been with this guy for very long. We recently started dating/talking. I was diagnosed with HSV 1 about two months ago after a traumatic experience of finding out that the guy I was having sex with was having sex with multiple other people. Before him I had been in a two year relationship and never had any STD's and of course the one time I trust someone else it ends badly. I decided that I would not have sex with anyone else until they knew about my diagnosis because its wrong not to tell them. I am not sure if I was misinformed or had a major misunderstanding but what I thought I knew was that my levels after testing were not enough to be transmittable. I started talking to this new guy and unfortunately ended up having sex with him before disclosing my problem. We were drunk and I didn't even think about it. We did use protection. But I made sure that the next time we saw each other that I told him about it. He said that he was not concerned about it and I was extremely relieved. I told him he did not have to worry because I genuinely thought that he did not. Just recently he told me that he found bumps in his pubic area that were not sore like but they were raised and in one area. He was very angry with me because he thought that I lied to him and that I knew he could contract it. I can honestly say that I personally did not know it was possible. Of course now after doing more research I am worried that I was completely misinformed and now it is my fault for making him feel like he could trust me. We always use protection and I just don't understand how this could have happened. Obviously I am not educated enough. He has not gone to get tested yet because he has not found time. We do not know for sure if he has it but I already think he does and so does he. It is possible that it is a yeast infection being that I am on an antibiotic that could have given me one. I really hope that it is. 

I am afraid that I am going to lose him after this because there is no way to prove to him that I truly did not know the possibility of transmission. I care for him a lot and I am trying my hardest to be there and explain things to him. This is news is still sort of fresh to me too so I am finding this whole situation difficult to deal with. Its like finding out I have it all over again. I have tried to send him statistics and saying that it is just a kind condition and it will not kill him it just sucks that it never goes away. It seems that saying those things makes it worse and then he comes to the conclusion that I definitely knew he could get it. How should I deal with this? What is the best way to respond to him? How can I help him trust me again and understand that I had no intentions of hurting him? 

Again he has not been tested yet but how can I help him get through this period of unknown and anger? I know the feeling and have been through it but I never really had a chance to resolve my feelings.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It does seem somewhat likely here that you have an oral HSV-1 infection from your childhood!? How did the diagnosis come about?

It does not sound like you have had an STD discussion with this partner, or mutual testing. Chances are he may already have HSV-1 and he may have some other things as well. Transmission of HSV is not a high risk event, it happens 1 in thousands of sexual episodes. Hence I recommend you pause to have mutual testing, sharing of results and implications and then you can both proceed with knowledge and confidence using whatever protection and measures you feel appropriate.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You cannot make assumptions without him being tested.  You told him you had hsv its up to him to also research it and decide what he wants to do.   Your levels being low are merely antibodies showing in your blood.  A person is more contagious in the first year.  That being said ghsv1 is lower risk but still a risk.  For some people it is more than just a skin condition and it is about how it affects that person is what matters not how you view it or not how you feel about it.   And you would understand that people do get rejected for having herpes and it is a lot harder for guys that it is for women to meet somebody else and you have to keep that in mind as well when you are talking to somebody about it.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

If he gets any time to get tested in the next week, he should.  That way, he can know if it he already had hsv1.  If you are on antibiotics, it is possible yeast.  An ex of mine and I had a yeast thing once.  Chocolate....  I digress.

Yeast is very likely.  If he is angry about you not disclosing, I get that.  Frankly, disclosing hsv1 is fairly easy since there is a better chance your partner has it than not.

Are you sure you have GSHV1, not oral?  How were you diagnosed?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Donate

    If Honeycomb has helped you, please help us by making a donation so we can provide you with even better features and services.

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Posts

    • Nameshame
      @WilsoInAus do you really thing that above my symptoms are Herpes related? Or it may because of Herpes zoster shingles? Bcz of this my Igm is positive?
    • Nameshame
      @WilsoInAus i requested my partner, but they are refusing from testing and saying they dint had any symptoms. Now the only way i left is to wait untill 12 weeks window period right? I am not getting what to do in this case. Any suggestion for any other tests?
    • CHT
      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.