Just diagnosed and scared

[Ms.freakingout]

Hi. Just got diagnosed today with genital herpes due to first OB and scared to death. I have been in a relationship for 10 yrs and have never cheated on him and have NEVER had anything like this happen to me. I feel so disgusted and nasty. I am freaking out!! I know I'm not alone but that's how I feel right now. And now I have to tell my sons father he has to get tested. How do I do this?

[WilsoInAus]

OK I am glad you have come here. There is the temptation to take some immediate steps, but I encourage you not to until you have all the facts at hand.

First thing I recommend is that you do not tell any past partners. Sounds like they are 10 plus years in the past and that is too long with other partners on the scene no doubt for you to mention herpes to any of them.

Next it is pretty likely that your current partner is the source. If this is your first known outbreak and pretty bad with at least a couple of patches of sores then it is most likely an initial outbreak? It is hence possible your current partner has a genital HSV-2 infection that doesn't cause him issues or a little more likely is that he has on oral HSV-1 infection and infected you through oral sex?

Does your partner get oral cold sores?

What testing did you have to confirm a herpes infection? 

[Ms.freakingout]

Honestly, I have never heard him complain about an oral cold sore. I was diagnosed by my dr taking a sample of the lesion due to me having a really bad sore on my labia. I also seemed to have some spots in my rectal area. But again, this is the first time anything like this has ever happened. So I'm just really emotional. The dr has given me a prescription and it seems to be helping. Thank god!

[Whyyyyy]

This was me a month ago! It's really hard! But he's right, get ALL the facts first before disclosing I anyone!

[WilsoInAus]

And the swab was positive? I suggest you ring back straight away and ask them to type the swab. 

Have you had a blood test, this may tell you whether the infection is older or recent.

[Ms.freakingout]

Yes. It came back HSV-2 DNA. Detected

[notjejune]

I'll let Wilso give you the medical insights because he's better at that than me... but I'm just here to say I was diagnosed 2.5 months ago and I went from near suicidal to feeling almost completely okay about it during that time. It's really a much smaller deal than we make it out to be. Uncomfortable and inconvenient, yes... but for most people, actually quite minor in the scheme of things. I know it's scary and unknown and there is also an emotional level that comes in with it because of partners and relationships, but please don't be too down or hard on yourself. And feel free to ask if you have any questions. <3

[WilsoInAus]

The this confirms a genital HSV-2 infection. As mentioned, the chances that your current partner of 10 years has this virus (infection occurring either from him to you or you to him) seem very large. A blood test will confirm his status, type specific for HSV-1 and HSV-2.

I'd recommend that you do now tell your current partner that with some reasonable likelihood (but not absolute) you have been recently infected with genital herpes (do not discuss type yet). You believe he is a carrier and blood testing will confirm this.

[Ms.freakingout]

Thank you both for taking the time to speak with me and providing information as well as friendly support in this situation.  I am still trying to get over the devastation of finding out these results and having this OB.  I have been crying like crazy these past couple days but trying to breathe, so thank you again.  

Now to have the discussion with him to let him know is another issue, but it has to be done. 

[Peace_and_love]

Hello lovely,

You shouldn't take all this emotional upheaval on yourself. I totally understand how you may feel, I was diagnosed with HSV-1 in the genital area 5 months ago following a very uncomfortable outbreak and when I heard the nurse tell me that I have it forever and there is no certantly who gave it to me my heart sank and was blaming myself for being dirty and how could I let this happen to me.

 

But now I have had another outbreak (which seems to be worse) and am worried it may be a HSV-2 and am going back to the clinic, but I've been with the same partner for the past 6 months so don't know if it's me or him because he has said he hasn't had any HSV symptoms in the genital area (apart from sometimes getting the occasional ulcer in his mouth when he is rundown) but he is very supportive with the whole situation and I think it's a good idea to be open with your partner when things like this arise.

But from what I gather is that you may already have had the virus but something has triggered it to flair up. Even a slight change in lifestyle could of set it off.

But remember you're amazing and you shouldn't let a skin problem like HSV define you.

 

if you need to talk, I'm here.

[Ms.freakingout]

Thank you for that Peace&Love.  I so appreciate you sharing your info.  It does help to know that there are others who have and are experiencing the same situation as I am right now.  I felt like a ton of bricks were laid on my chest and couldn't breathe.  I felt so embarrassed when the Dr said the words it looks like a herpes outbreak, when i was in the exam room. ( even though i Know she probably sees this alot) but let alone with the medical assistant in there.  I really felt dirty and like I was being judged, although I know it was just in my head at the time. 

But, with being on these forums and talking to others and seeing I am not alone, as well as the support from a family member, I am starting to feel the weight being lifted but I know I still have a loooong way to go.  I have to stop overthinking to so much because that's when it gets to me and feel like I'm going to have a panic attack....... especially when thinking about having to sit down and talk to my sons father.

Again, thank you so much for the support.