Confronting giver?

[Srsly.Ovr.It]

I know without a doubt who gave this to me. I haven't told the person yet though. Part of me feels I should, in case they actually didn't know and to help avoid other people becoming exposed. Part of me doesn't want to say anything. To anyone. Ever. I've already accepted that I'll never have a relationship again.

My question - would/did you confront your giver? Am I ethically obligated to let them know they have this and can/did pass it on?

[Lisajd]

If you don't feel comfortable informing them I think you can I go to your health department or even maybe your doctor could contact them but I think it's important because if they do not know they have it they may be infecting other people who ars then in the same position as you and remember how you feel about having this.   Why do you think that you can ever have a relationship again.  Just because you have herpes it doesn't mean you can't have it at relationship with somebody else

[Peace_and_love]

It's totally up to you if you want to tell the person, but I would probably say that you have experienced this OB and have been to the clinic to confirm it and that it would probably be wise if he went and had a check up just in case and explane that it's a very common virus and that you never really truly know who you get it from, that way you're not putting the blame on him but he's also potentially getting tested just so he knows if he's got it.

 

And definitely just because you have HSV doesn't mean you'll never be in a relationship again, it may feel like this now but there are many people who are in committed relationships (as you can see on here) and still live and love with HSV.

[WTHerp]

On 4/19/2017 at 7:42 PM, Srsly.Ovr.It said:

I know without a doubt who gave this to me. I haven't told the person yet though. Part of me feels I should, in case they actually didn't know and to help avoid other people becoming exposed. Part of me doesn't want to say anything. To anyone. Ever. I've already accepted that I'll never have a relationship again.

My question - would/did you confront your giver? Am I ethically obligated to let them know they have this and can/did pass it on?

I have the same issue. I know who the giver is but I have a strong suspicion that he lied to be about his status versus not actually knowing. I can not prove this however, and I try not to hate him for it. He played baseball with my brother so we know mutual people. If I confront him there is the possibility he blabs or try to spin it to blame me.

He's out of the country for another few weeks but he's asked me to pick up where we left off when he returns. As crazy as it sounds I feel like I may as well since we're in the same boat now. This blows so much

[Nightmare7575]

On ‎4‎/‎20‎/‎2017 at 1:42 AM, Srsly.Ovr.It said:

I've already accepted that I'll never have a relationship again. ?

Not your question,but why would you say the above ? There are 61 thousand people on this board and I imagine the majority have this crap and many are single plus there are people who will excepy you for the person you are who and they do not have it.I know people who have had it since the 80s and  I think they went on .

WTHerp  Do you actually like the person or are you just thinking since he has it ,he is better then nobody at all .As we all know sex is important in a relationship, BUT do you actually want to spend time with the guy outside of the bedroom, sitting at home talking,travling together ect ect  ? If its FWB go for it,but if not really think about how he makes you feel when there is no sex.

[WTHerp]

1 hour ago, Nightmare7575 said:

Not your question,but why would you say the above ? There are 61 thousand people on this board and I imagine the majority have this crap and many are single plus there are people who will excepy you for the person you are who and they do not have it.I know people who have had it since the 80s and  I think they went on .

WTHerp  Do you actually like the person or are you just thinking since he has it ,he is better then nobody at all .As we all know sex is important in a relationship, BUT do you actually want to spend time with the guy outside of the bedroom, sitting at home talking,travling together ect ect  ? If its FWB go for it,but if not really think about how he makes you feel when there is no sex.

I'm not gaga for him but I do like spending time with him and I always enjoyed sex with him. We go out together but haven't traveled together. Since this is so new to me I'm trying to figure out how my body will respond in general (no RX yet but will if OTC doesn't help) and during trigger times such as menstruation, after drinking (may have to give up beer) and after sex. 

[Blahdittilyblah]

I think in the right thing to do is to inform them of your current situation and concerns. I knew exactly who gave it to me. It took me about two weeks to process everything, ensure I knew as much as possible about this virus and I eliminated the possibility of already having it by getting tested prior to talking with her about it. I took her to a park and told her what was going on. Believe me it was probably the most difficult convo I've had in my life, and I've had some really pressing convos before. The best thing you can do in my opinion is to inform him, his reaction and actions after will be telling if he knew or didn't. Regardless if he did can't change it now no reason to hate someone for life and you can only take his word for it unless someone else steps forward. Letting him know may protect someone else because maybe he really doesn't know. 

[WTHerp]

18 hours ago, Blahdittilyblah said:

I think in the right thing to do is to inform them of your current situation and concerns. I knew exactly who gave it to me. It took me about two weeks to process everything, ensure I knew as much as possible about this virus and I eliminated the possibility of already having it by getting tested prior to talking with her about it. I took her to a park and told her what was going on. Believe me it was probably the most difficult convo I've had in my life, and I've had some really pressing convos before. The best thing you can do in my opinion is to inform him, his reaction and actions after will be telling if he knew or didn't. Regardless if he did can't change it now no reason to hate someone for life and you can only take his word for it unless someone else steps forward. Letting him know may protect someone else because maybe he really doesn't know. 

What happened when you told her? Did she know she had it or was she shocked? I saw it was your ex in another post and that you hooked up with her twice and got it. 

In that same thread a girl posted that her giver was and is still in denial. That's the issue I fear with my giver. He's a longtime family friend sure but I fear he will deny, refuse to get tested and may even try to put blame on me. He's a professional, tall athletic type who is very into his image. This would tarnish his image.

This is why I believe he knew or had an idea that he had it but is just in denial about it. Probably never tested either. 

[destined2Bbroken]

Im 99% sure i know who my giver is and i want so badly to confront him because im almost positive he knows he has it but im afraid if i say something he will lie and say i gave it to him which i know i didn't because i didn't have anything before him. I don't understand how someone can live with themselves knowing they give people this without telking them they're at risk first. It should be up to the person whether they want to put themselves at risk or not. There's a good chance ive given it to my husband (i didn't know that's what it was when we had sex) but i called and told him the moment i realized i may have herpes. And i would never sleep with anyone without warning them first. My husband and my sister both said i could press charges but im not sure if i should. Before i had sex with my giver he said he was going to the doctor and i asked what for and he said he was getting a cream because he "had trouble using the bathroom" which i thought he meant hemorrhoids or something but now i know what he meant. Im so angry!

[Lisajd]

On Tuesday, August 08, 2017 at 8:13 PM, WTHerp said:

What happened when you told her? Did she know she had it or was she shocked? I saw it was your ex in another post and that you hooked up with her twice and got it. 

In that same thread a girl posted that her giver was and is still in denial. That's the issue I fear with my giver. He's a longtime family friend sure but I fear he will deny, refuse to get tested and may even try to put blame on me. He's a professional, tall athletic type who is very into his image. This would tarnish his image.

This is why I believe he knew or had an idea that he had it but is just in denial about it. Probably never tested either. 

It would be recommended you talk to him about mutual testing before you pick up.  If you are not in an exclusive relationship he may have other stds as well.   On the off chance its not him you should inform him. 

[IcantThinkofaName]

On 4/19/2017 at 8:24 PM, Lisajd said:

If you don't feel comfortable informing them I think you can I go to your health department or even maybe your doctor could contact them but I think it's important because if they do not know they have it they may be infecting other people who ars then in the same position as you and remember how you feel about having this.   Why do you think that you can ever have a relationship again.  Just because you have herpes it doesn't mean you can't have it at relationship with somebody else

health dept??? Doctor???? contacting your sex partner??? no chance

they cannot even be bothered to talk to you once you test positive for it, Script for valtrex and ushered out. MAybe a referral to psych services too.

the medical community see its as a harmless skin infection . Right??? And herpes is no big deal??? I keep hearing that on here from moderators. Don't joke with us that they will call for you . Its just a"harmless skin infection" so They won't even run a test for it in normal STD testing/screening.

 If they did that, most of us here wouldn't even have it.

[LatentBloomer]

@IcantThinkofaName I just "liked" your post. I wish I could "like" it a hundred more times. All true. A "harmless skin infection" that lives in your nerves. That part is NEVER taught. 

[IcantThinkofaName]

@LatentBloomer yeah, the nerve part is completely disregarded or unbeknownst to most drs I think. Most don't seem to know dick about HSV or are even comfortable talking about it.

its "just take Valtrex." Thats it. Period.

 "Oh you think you are having nerve pain and weird sensations all the time? Oh you are just being hypersensitive. Its all in your head"

[LatentBloomer]

Yes! Everything you're feeling is psychosomatic. Let me refer you to this great therapist... 

Now I know how people with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome felt before their illnesses were acknowledged. 

Isn't it funny that scientists are on the brink of potentially "curing" this nightmare yet doctors still know nothing about it. 

[IcantThinkofaName]

2 minutes ago, LatentBloomer said:

Isn't it funny that scientists are on the brink of potentially "curing" this nightmare yet doctors still know nothing about it. 

Do you really think they are on the brink of curing it? 

I wish I could believe it.

And even if they do cure it in many years from now, I don' t think it will "available" - ( it will somehow not be approved and shelved/hidden from the general public)

I feel like having HSV is going to be a forever thing

[LatentBloomer]

I think they'll essentially cure it and it'll probably be available in about 10 years. Assuming all the HIV clinical trials go off without a hitch (no bizarre mutant genes develop and no one dies) we may see something sooner. Will it be a sterilizing cure? No, I don't think so. Will it keep the latent virus from ever reactivating- I'm not sure. They still can't reach the lat DNA bc it's wound so tightly. Honestly, I'm still not entirely sure what crispr can currently do for HSV. Reduce viral replication and transmission rates drastically?I I was expecting a bit more. From what I've read- crispr can impede viral replication and protect healthy cells. But that's from one published paper from one lab. Maybe another lab will crack it. It just needs to be prioritized. 

[Micah]

Jerome labs reached up to 4% of latent virus in lab rats. With an older tech. They intend to try again with crispr. 4% isn't much but it shows it can be reached

[LatentBloomer]

@Micah I recently visited their website and looked for recent publications regarding their HSV research. I didn't see anything, but I don't doubt they accomplished reaching 4%. 

I know they don't owe us anything and it would be more harmful than helpful to give us false hope- I'd just appreciate more frequent updates. Or maybe I wouldn't. I don't know what I want anymore. 

I only know that I don't want this fucking virus anymore.

[Micah]

I can send you the link. It's from 2016. Since then there have been no updates. Pretty much anything regarding hsv is from a year ago