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bluheartfire

maybe there is no hope for love with this

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bluheartfire

the guy i was seeing said from the start when i found out that i might have it that he wasnt leaving me. that he'd be here to support me through this. it was a lie. as soon as he found out that he didnt have it he pushed me to the side. im breaking down at every moment because this is really stressing me to the fullest. its good when you have a support system. and he said he would be mine. he said he wouldnt leave and he did. i feel sooo alone. abadoned and i feel like im falling into a deeper depression. i know i should focus on me...but its hard. i was in love. really in love for the first time in years...and he fucked me worse than all the other guys who have been in my life. i dont know what to do. cuz im shutting down. i feel it and i dont know how to stop it. my heart is broken and im mad at the person who played god with my life and gave me something that i cant get rid of. love has not rememered me...sad but true. and im starting to believe that true love is another 8 letter word just like bullshit.

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Misery

AWWWW bluhearfire ... u need a *hug* ... I am sorry to hear he broke it off with u ... I am going thru the same thing except my BF actually contracted GH from me ... I feared he would leave if he was negative and I feared that he would eventually hate me if he were positive ... Well he was positive and he left me anyway ...

I am just as depressed as you are and what gives me hope are some of the stories here ... I read the board constantly cause I have no life right now ... I don't even want to see anyone cause I am harboring this big secret and the only person who knows is my EX ... I don't want to tell another soul about my having GH ... The reason being is I don't need anyone accidently telling or telling on purpose and have people talk about me behind my back. So chances are I won't tell anyone...

Now I am stuck having to deal with this on my own ... I know I didn't help but you are not alone in this ... and all I can say is I hope you pull thru cause it sucks, it really sucks ...

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bluheartfire

thanx

hey,

thanx for that. you did more than you think you did. like i said before its nice to talk to people who are going through what im going through. and it looks like you are. im hurting real bad from this. not so much outbreaks or whatever. just mentally. im hurting. today he treated me like i was invisible. he spoke and that was it. we've been close since we met. and its like our whole friendship changed with the arrival of his results. its weird cuz he told the decision whether to end it with me or not was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do. we havent officially ended it but it feels over. our whole body language towards each other is off. i dont see myself in his eyes like i did before. thursday after we talked he looked at me with love in his eyes. today it was like i was a stranger. i dont know what to do. i feel like he hates me. i feel like shit because if he really is negative then i couldve fucked up his life like i feel somebody else did mine. im sorry to you too that you and your guy broke up. its really hard i know. but like you im gaining strength from reading these stories on here. talking to people who are going through what i am. it makes me feel like im not alone. i have my family and they know whats going on with me. i wish you could tell yours. i hate that theres somebody out there who feels like they dont have any one to confide in. whenever you need to talk im here. feel free to write anytime. maybe we could provide support in a way to each other. its nice to meet you. bye

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Mike

You just found out about your situation and you need time to adjust and so does he. My GF and I are going through the same thing. She just found out she has it. It's tough for me too and I like your BF have mixed feelings about it. Give him time and talk to him about whats going through your head and through his. It will help. For now I've decided I care about my girfriend and obstaining from sex and working on our relationship will probably be better for both us in the future.

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bluheartfire

thanx

thanx,

i read what ya'll wrote and in a way it made me feel better. although are biggest prob is he doesnt know how we can continue a physical relationship with me having this. its almost like he thinks that people with herpes cant have sex anymore. i too kinda feel that way i guess...i know there are ways but if he really is negative i couldnt forgive myself if we followed all the safe sex practices and he got it anyway. it would kill me. im having enough trouble as it is just to let him hug me. but he's mostly afraid of if we try to contain our sex to just kissing and what not...that we wont be able to control ourselves. im too the point where i just wanna give up on him. but then i dont. i love him...and the thought of not holding him and kissing him anymore is just hurting me inside. we keep going back and forth...we are and then were not together...idk...im soooo confused...wrapped in im in love for the first time since high school...and i dont wanna lose it...but i think i might have to just let it go...this on the fence thing is not helping my state of mind...and i need to focus on me...

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Kamikaze

you sounded like you could have been younger.

when i was only 19 I thought that love would never find me again.

youve got plenty of years to find a good man.

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bluheartfire

well...

honey,

i had one...and he let his insecurities bout whats goin on wit me tare us apart...we tried to make it work but it was time for me to walk away. it'll be a while before i go back there...i love him....gotta get him outta my system. maybe one day he'll be back. till then we're still friends...

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Kamikaze
honey,

i had one...and he let his insecurities bout whats goin on wit me tare us apart...we tried to make it work but it was time for me to walk away. it'll be a while before i go back there...i love him....gotta get him outta my system. maybe one day he'll be back. till then we're still friends...

Men are really...odd. The guy I was seeing didn't want to be with me because I weigh as much as he does. What I think that comes down to is that He was insecure about the way he looks and feels the only reason people will accept him is if he has "the perfect 10" on his arm, which apparently wasn't me.

I gave up a lot for that guy. I mean at 20, dating a 29 year old with a kid...thats not how I ever saw myself, but I really liked him. He started to belittle me and disrespect me...it was weird he'd be amazing one week then the next a huge dick.

I'm pretty sure I got herpes from him, but he doesn't to admit it, but I got him to admit that he's had a coldsore, and I happen to have genital HSV1, so I did get it from him, but when I had first told him, he would call me ass bumps and ass warts, WHEN he;s the one that gave it to me!

I just cut him out of my life this week, and I'd like to think he'd change for the better, but I know it won't happen. Not at 29.

Love is out there for us, everything falls into place on its own. When it's love, we'll know. They'll accept us and all of our flaws, which encludes our HSV. I know a few people in the family that have HSV whom divorced and got remarried and had childern.

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bluheartfire

maybe i was right

well...

maybe there is hope for me yet. we gotta take baby steps...and me and him are. me walkin away could have helped us. he didnt want me too. but i gotta do whats right for me. us startin over as just friends is only going to make us stronger in my opinion. im sorry that that guy treated you like that. mine wasnt nowhere like that....he is supportive but he's dealing with his fears...i hope you find someone who can be a friend to you as well as a lover. i have a homie, lover and a friend...we're just taking steps back from the lover part. i hope you find yours too. never let a man treat you like that...you dont deserve it.

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iris7

Your not alone

Hi,

Well I must start by saying that, I don't know 100% positive that I have herpes, my appointment is tomorrow. The "outbreak" I am experiencing fits every description to herpes. Anyhow, I wanted to tell you that you are not alone. My best friend found out that she had herpes about two years ago, and I have supported her through thick and thin. She thought she would never love again and would be single forever. However she met Mr. Wonderful(he still has his downfalls) about 4 months after she found out. He is a 24 year old virgin who has been saving himself from marriage, because 1) that is how he was raised 2) he knows that there is so many diseases out there. Well after they dated for 8 or 9 months she finally told him the truth because she felt like she was lying to him every day. He accepted it and told her that he loved her for her and that when they get married, she would be the only woman in his life, so there would be no worries. A year and half later they are still dating and not had sex, but he loves her even with herpes and also knowing that he can contract it from her. I wanted you to hear this so I could say this. If I do have herpes I contracted from my ex, who I too was in love with and wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but he dumped me and will not talk to me. I told him that I had a very serious question to ask him and he still will not speak to me. I felt your pain, and I still feel like if I test positive that no man will want me, but there is hope and also dating sites for people with herpes. I wanted you to hear this so you can keep your head high and know that there are others who feel alone and betrayed by the one's they love. Just remember herpes is not cancer and not life threatening, it feels like the end of the world now, but it's not even close. Stay in touch!:p

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freakinout83

you will be alright..

I completely feel your pain.. I thought that I had finally found the perfect guy that I could see myself being with long term.. then all of the sudden about a month after we started having sex I get what I think is a bladder infection..and NO it ends up being herpes.. and a very very bad outbreak. I am pretty sure that I contracted it from him because I tested negative which means that it is new to my body and it hadnt started fighting it yet.. he left me on Saturday...which is completely devastating because we were supposed to be in this together. He is getting tested tomorrow. If he is indeed the person I got it from.. he was not supposed to leave me!! He is supposed to be with me and marry me and have kids with me so I don't have to tell people about this awful curse...and I know that eventually as time goes on I won't see it as a curse.. but right now I do. My whole life has changed.

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bluheartfire

oh...

oh darlin,

i feel your pain...i wrote on here my first day under the title of "newly diagnosed and shutting down mentally. help" if you'd like to you can read it. my happened almost the same way. id met the perfect guy...and a lil over a month after we've been together...bam! i thought it was a bad yeast infection. but no...a very very bad outbreak. came with my period. im worried cuz he got tested and came back negative. he's gonna continue gettin tested and making sure he's showing no symptoms...i'll be sooooo hurt if i gave this to him. we kinda fell apart for a while but slowly we're coming back. as friends....we cant help our attraction to each other cuz its obvious that we still feel each other but i have to give him time to come to terms with me...and his fears. im soooo sorry that that guy did that to you...i too feel like ive been cursed. its going away every time i look in the mirror and realize that i am alive. you picked the right place to come to for support. these people here have helped me a whole lot. it's like having a family that understands what your going through. your not alone. and that guy doesnt deserve such a wonderful person as yourself. remember that....thanx for reading my thread. i've come a long way since i wrote the first...and im still climbing up and out of my depression. still a long road ahead...but im not alone....

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alwall0828

I hope starting over for you will bring things together better for the both of you guys. It's hard to have to tell someone and hope and pray their reaction isn't bad. It's even better when you can step back, analize everything, and start fresh with all the knowledge and caring you have for one another.

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bluheartfire

thanx

thanx

i really appreciate that. if what i write bout my experiences and how im dealing with this can help anybody then im glad i joined! to me this is what this is all about. helping each other through these rough times that we are all going through. thanx so much for making me feel like i am helping someone...cause i have been helped. thank you...

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WillThereEverBeAMate4Me

I'm Sorry

I'm here and I feel as you do but I try other ways to occupy my time and my mind. I'm scared of feeling like there will never be anyone for me so therfore who can love me better than me mentally & physically. I know we all want to be touched & held. Somtimes we have to do these things for ourself and should do them until we are ready metally to accept the rejections of men and/or women. Try regrouping and focus on yourself for a while once you are strong and able to love you. Sweat Heart there is noway of stopping you. I totally agree with you about the Person who played with our lives I just have to beleave that carma is a Mickkah Fickkah and God has his own plans for those who have inffected us. Until then find yourself Babe and Deal With You. Trust Me Happines Will Await. Take Care

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RainingInside

Brand New

well, i am new to this forum and new to the big H. this is the first section i read here because it seemed to fit my feelings pretty well. I haven't been able to be checked out yet, because i am on my period and the clinic said they wouldn't be able to get a good culture, only do a visual. i descided not to do that because i already feel i know more than they could tell me.

the guy i got gh from and i started showing symptoms at the same time, just after we slept together for the first time. we were both clean at the time (as far as we knew) and he had recently been with another girl who said she had recently been tested for everything and was clean. well, lots of times herpes comes up negative in the first test if it hasn't been in your system very long and she ended up infecting both of us.

i am not mad at him because he was screwed over by her as well. i wish this had never happened though. i am in my first outbreak and it is very unpleasant. i am doing lots of research and looking at natural ways of getting relief.

i feel like somehow i am being punnished and like noone is going to want me again. i was in a relationship with a guy that i thought i would be with for the rest of my life for over 3 years and we recently broke up. it was more out of him being stessed and confused due to huge changes in his life and both of us needing to focus on ourselves and re-discover who we are. i still love him very much and have harbored hope that we could eventually be back together. i am scared now that even if that day comes when he decides that he wants to be with me for good that now i will have to tell him that durring the time we were apart i contracted gh. i am so scared that if that day comes i will have screwed everything up and that he wont want to be with me because of this virus. i know that if someone really loves you that it shouldn't matter, but i can't help but feel that way.

anyway, i suppose i just need support from people going throught the same thing and feeling some of the same feelings as i am. on top of everything, i have been suffering from depression before this happened and this is in no way helping me to dig my way out. i just feel horrible about myself. i know this is long and ranting and self-pittying, but its how i feel right now.

\thanks for listening.

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zab

I found out I had this after my BF and I had only been together for 6 months. He was very supportive. We will be celebrating our 2nd Wedding Anniversay in Dec. You will find someone sweetie. Real love can surpass anything!!

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bluheartfire

thanx again

thanx again for that. i sometimes think that i have found my match in this guy. but our relationship is soooo complicated. it was before i found out i had this and its even more so now. but i think he's come to terms with his fears. i was afraid to let him touch me for a couple of months and i think the way i acted and reacted when our test results came back kinda changed both of us. but we are working through it. i tried to walk away and even though he didnt want me too...he would have let me b/c he didnt think he had what it took to help me through this. but ive forgiven him for the lack of communication and faith...and im startin to forgive myself for getting myself in this situation in the first place. thats the main prob...i blame myself for this. i know i can have love with this from him...but i need to learn how to get back to lovin myself...and i think im on the road ahead to getting back to that....

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tsilano

Im at da point where u were. I just found outI have genital herpes1 my ex says hes going 2 support me n find a way 2 be wit me again 1 day. Has much has I want 2 believe him I dont. I keep asken myself y would he or anyone want 2 deal wit a prolem dats not theirs. Could love be so strong? It wasnt strong enough 2 keep us 2gether so is it strong enough 2 bring him back especially wit me having herpes. I seriously thought it. The difficult part is admitting da truth 2 urself because I loe him n cant get over da fact dat he will never be able 2 make love 2 me again. Hes scared of me even 2 kiss me when I dont have it orally. I hope me haven herpes isnt gonna scare him off for good. Its 1 thing 2 be told sumthing 2 bu its different 2 be lied 2. I didnt ask for dis 2 happen 2 me so y should I be punished for it just like u.

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