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How do I tell my long term casual sex partner?

Lauren125638

By Lauren125638,
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Lauren125638 Honeycomb Member

Lauren125638

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I have just been diagnosed this morning with HSV2. And I did the horrible thing of having sex with my casual sex partner. It wasn't intentional, as I was waiting for the results so I knew there was a possibility. It just happened and before I knew it we were having unprotected sex. I've been sleeping with him for over a year, have seen other people as well but he's been the main one this entire time. 

I don't want to lose him although I know that is a possibility, as this whole experience has made realise my feelings towards him. 

I'm just not sure on how I should tell him, how I should word it and what I should say. Should I ask to meet up and tell him face to face or text him? 

Any help would be grateful because I am freaking out more about losing him then the fact that I have HSV2.

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Lisajd Platinum Support Member

Lisajd

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Hi.  Welcome.  So how were you tested?  Did you have a first outbrwak?  Is it possible that he has actually infected you himself?  Either way all you can do is be honest with him and say that you have been recently diagnosed and that he needs to get tested.  If you are in a casual relationship then he has responsibility as well.   

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LucyLevi Established Member

LucyLevi

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Hi Lauren

I agree with Lisa that there is a chance here that he could be your giver. Did you test by blood or swab and did you have an outbreak?

If you can identify who  was the last person you slept with before your the outbreak ( if you had one) there is a  likelihood they are the person who gave it to you. This is by no means the entire answer but it's often an indication.

I would tell him you have just found out you have contracted HSV2 and ask him to test to see if he is a asymptomatic carrier. He is best doing that soon because after 12 weeks he would test positive (if he has caught it from you) 

Take care

Lucy 

 

 

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Lauren125638 Honeycomb Member

Lauren125638

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Hi @Lisajd and @LucyLevi

I was tested with a swab/culture. We aren’t sure if this was my first OB or if it’s possibly my 2nd. Now that I think back, I could have had my first back in August last year.

 

I talked with him tonight and he said that he got tested after the last girl and before me, so I take that as him only sleeping with me since we started. He’s not the type to lie. So I believe him when he says he’s only slept with me. If he comes back after getting tested and it’s positive he would have gotten it from me. Cause I was the one that saw other people while I was with him. I really regret that now. He has always been the one I go back to so should have just stayed with him. 

 

Obviously he was a little shocked when I told him and he’s worried he’s gotten it from me. I know I’ll feel horrible if it does come back positive even though I didn’t know i had it till now but still. But i am hoping for the best. 

 

Thank you both for your responses. I was fairly calm when I told him and I don’t think I would have without some guidance :)

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LucyLevi Established Member

LucyLevi

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 Hi Lauren

A couple of points to consider: 

I'm not sure how they are diagnosing HSV2 unless they have the swab result. This could be HSV1 via oral sex with someone who has cold sores. Ask him if he has these!

Also testing for HSV is not part of  standard std testing so unless he requested it specifically he hasn't been tested. Lots of people make this error and think it's included!

Take care

Lucy 

 

 

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Lauren125638 Honeycomb Member

Lauren125638

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Hey Lucy

I do have HSV2 and they diagnosed it with a swab. 

Yeah I'm not 100% sure if he asked to be tested for HSV as well before he met me, however I had been sleeping with him for several months before what I think was my first OB. So maybe he does have it and just didn't know. But I am certain I got it from someone else around the July/August period 

Thank you though 

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