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Undiagnosed disclosure


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I have never been officially diagnosed as I have not gotten tested, but I am almost positive I have genital hsv1 or hsv2. My first outbreak was a couple months ago after having unprotected sex. My symptoms are mostly red areas with tiny blisters on my penis (occasionally an open sore). I also have had what seems to be open sores around my anus. I have had around 3 outbreaks since the initial one. I also recently met this girl who I like alot, maybe even love. I have had protected sex with her a couple times after the first outbreak (at the time I was quite sure it wasn't herpes). Now that the symptoms have returned I am fairly certain it is herpes and I do not know what to do. I don't know if tell her that I may have had sex with her while infected, I don't know how to tell her before we have sex in the future. I fear that she will lose interest and be angry with me. This whole situation has made me incredibly depressed recently and I literally cannot think about anything else. I feel that I am almost in denial that my dream girl is into me, but I contracted herpes which will make this whole situation incredibly painful. I would love any advice I can get.

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Hey and because you like her you have to tell her, remember we do sacrifices for our loved ones, I am in a situation sort of but grasping to every straw I can to not have HSV, I you really like her tell her the truth, both of you should get tested and see maybe she has the antibodies, best of luck man 

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I had to do the same recently...I didn't know I had it and had to tell the love of my life. He was supportive and understanding! It was really hard but you have to do it! 

Get some knowledge, try not to completely freak her out!

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Been in same situation as you minus the outbreaks, also iggs showing negative. But j informed my partner and she said either way she wants to be with me(I'm a very lucky guy) Tell the partner, but first get diagnosed if you have open sores. Trust me not everyone will run and they will support you.

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Yes mutual testing Ian the way to go. There are just too many possibilities. You may both have HSV-2, you both may have HSV-1, you may have chlamydia...

get tested including herpes and compare notes.

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    • CHT
      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
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