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Newly diagnosed and feeling down


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Just found out Monday and even though my closest friends and family are there to support me I still feel alone. I had my very first outbreak last week and my boyfriend had his on Monday, the day I was diagnosed. I feel lost and alone even though everyone is here for me for support

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I can feel you, i have been diagnosed acouple days ago& it was my first kiss&oral sex, i wish to die now actually. Now iam having outbreak its bad,i only think about suicide now, i think about breaking my engagement, i cant put her to this shit. 

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I was diagnosed with HSV2 on March 22nd of 2017 after suffering from a horrible OB that lasted 2 weeks. I was 17 years old when I was diagnosed, and I felt so alone. I called my ex (who at the time I thought gave it to me) and completely went off on him accusing him of giving me this disease. For the days following he was supportive and encouraging, but then that stopped once I realized he couldn't have been the one to give this to me and I told him. The guy I now believe gave me HSV is currently in a relationship and is trying to convince himself that since he isn't showing any symptoms then he must no have the disease. I feel so shitty because he's indirectly placing the blame on me and talking about how his entire life will be ruined if he tests positive. Like lol what about me dude? The girl you gave it to, remember me? Anyways, I've come to terms with the disease now. When you think about it, it's really just an annoying reoccurring skin condition. It takes more of an emotional toll on you rather than a physical one because of the stigma wrapped around it. I've already crossed the barrier of realizing I have HSV, the next barrier is telling my current love interest that I'm infected. I'm absolutely terrified of doing so because we've already had protected sex. I don't know how to have this discussion with him. Any tips? 

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Thank you Bella for being the support. I appreciate more than you will ever know.   Mesho, coming from a recovered self harmer, suicide is not a way out. This is not your fault. Please don't call off your engagement. If she truly loves you, you will overcome this.

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Its a virus not a disease.  Its not terminal and you can lead a normal life. It just takes time.  Ask yourself what is the worst thing about having herpes.  What does hsv stop you doing in life.  Most people worry about the stigma and being judged and rejected but at the end of the day most people have it and don't even know they have it and until you get out there and start dating how do you know that someone will reject you. You don't know their own circumstances or how they feel about it.

@brownsugg probably not ideal to be telling him after you've had sex if you were aware that you had it but all you can do is be honest and tell him.  Or say to him we need to go get tested and then go from there

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My boyfriend is still with me and he's also infected as well. He had his outbreak the day of my diagnosis. But yet he still tells me everyday that he loves me, still wants to be with me & still finds me attractive. 

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    • CHT
      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
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