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Snjt

How to break the news

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Snjt

I recently met a guy.. we have an excellent connection. Great communication.. good vibes.. physical and sexual attraction. It hasn't been long since we've been dating but I'm anxious about how I'm supposed to break the news. I honestly feel like I want to run away and I'll never be happy again because of this virus. I dont know how I'll ever feel comfortable enough to have sex again when I continue to have recurring outbreaks. I've tried every holistic remedy and I also take my anti viral 2x a day as prescribed. It eases and then it's back with full force. It's been over a year already. I stayed single.. haven't been sexually active. But now with the summer blossoming I want romance and new possibilities. I'm afraid though. Afriad of rejection, afriad of getting too close to him then having to leave it all behind because I have herpes. Herpes that just won't go dormant and is alive and active. I don't know what to do. I'm writing this because no one know I have herpes but this forum, and anonymously you don't know who I am either. I can't go to a friend or family. I'm alone by myself with this. How do I live a normal life and date and fall in love with a man if my vagina isn't safe? I don't know what to do. I feel like running away from him but then I don't because I doubt I'll find someone else like him. Honeycomb, I need some advise. How do I break the news? When is the right time? How do I have sex again when every other week I'm experiencing an outbreak? Its like nothing is working and ive tried EVERYTHING! Coconut Oil, Apple cider vinegar, tea tree oil, neem oil, neem supplements. I take my anti virals and nothing gives. My doctor checked me for any other STDs and STIs and I was in the clear with everything except HSV. I'm in a rut and could really use some insight.. please be gentle. 

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hello96

Hey,  I'm not sure whether this response is too late but I hope you're doing okay! I'm not sure whether you've tried olive leaf - but its a natural anti-viral which seems to work for me, as well as vit C and lysine.

I I've been struggling with the emotional side of it too, and I agree that it takes a massive toll on ones confidence and sense of self. I was diagnosed around 8 months ago and I've had one sexual encounter since then -where the guy actually didn't mind and was willing, even though I expressed he should have time to think about it. I was surprised, so it kinda just goes to show how understanding people can be and if there's a genuine connection there then it shouldn't be a deal breaker. However, it is important to prepare yourself for both outcomes.

Continue to remind yourself that your outbreaks will decrease in severity and it's not always going to be this hard!! I'm currently in the same situation as you - I've just started dating this guy and I'm not sure when to disclose it to him or what his reaction will be, so I'm in a very similar position to you!

 

I also really really really encourage seeking the support of friends and family, it has definitely made a massive difference with the way I have internalised it. I also see a therapist who has helped me accept my diagnosis and form a new perspective on it. She also told me that one of her clients also has herpes, and a few months later she had fallen in love with a man who loved her for who she was. There are plenty of success stories out there! Don't give up hope. Feel free to message me if you like :) 

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Yoyo12345

First couple times you disclose it will be uncomfortable im not going to lie. But its about how you present it i believe. I always tell a possible sexual partner basically right away and tell them like its not a big deal (cuz its not). Never been rejected. If they have questions answer them. Even when i was on tinder or other hookup sites my headline was "hey i have herpes" and still got plenty of partners interested in me. I felt like my sex life was over when i first got it too. Its normal. Keep talking to people youre not alone. The older you het the more common herpes are. One of my partners was 36 and he said more than half the peole his age he met in the dating scene had ot. Youre life is just as normal it ever was. 

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Lurker_No_More
On 19/06/2017 at 6:19 PM, Vickolo1 said:

First couple times you disclose it will be uncomfortable im not going to lie. But its about how you present it i believe. I always tell a possible sexual partner basically right away and tell them like its not a big deal (cuz its not). Never been rejected. If they have questions answer them. Even when i was on tinder or other hookup sites my headline was "hey i have herpes" and still got plenty of partners interested in me. I felt like my sex life was over when i first got it too. Its normal. Keep talking to people youre not alone. The older you het the more common herpes are. One of my partners was 36 and he said more than half the peole his age he met in the dating scene had ot. Youre life is just as normal it ever was. 

Chapeau for your bravery. 

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Disc0rdant
On 6/7/2017 at 7:20 PM, Snjt said:

I recently met a guy.. we have an excellent connection. Great communication.. good vibes.. physical and sexual attraction. It hasn't been long since we've been dating but I'm anxious about how I'm supposed to break the news. I honestly feel like I want to run away and I'll never be happy again because of this virus. I dont know how I'll ever feel comfortable enough to have sex again when I continue to have recurring outbreaks. I've tried every holistic remedy and I also take my anti viral 2x a day as prescribed. It eases and then it's back with full force. It's been over a year already. I stayed single.. haven't been sexually active. But now with the summer blossoming I want romance and new possibilities. I'm afraid though. Afriad of rejection, afriad of getting too close to him then having to leave it all behind because I have herpes. Herpes that just won't go dormant and is alive and active. I don't know what to do. I'm writing this because no one know I have herpes but this forum, and anonymously you don't know who I am either. I can't go to a friend or family. I'm alone by myself with this. How do I live a normal life and date and fall in love with a man if my vagina isn't safe? I don't know what to do. I feel like running away from him but then I don't because I doubt I'll find someone else like him. Honeycomb, I need some advise. How do I break the news? When is the right time? How do I have sex again when every other week I'm experiencing an outbreak? Its like nothing is working and ive tried EVERYTHING! Coconut Oil, Apple cider vinegar, tea tree oil, neem oil, neem supplements. I take my anti virals and nothing gives. My doctor checked me for any other STDs and STIs and I was in the clear with everything except HSV. I'm in a rut and could really use some insight.. please be gentle. 

I would disclose before 45 days.  In this day and age, many look to have sex by date 3.  I guess it depends on your situation

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