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aileejay

New (to the site) and in anguish

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aileejay

I am in the most serious relationship of my life and this man I'm with is very responsible and health conscious and at my doctor's office yesterday, he expressed to the physician that he is 'terrified' (of contracting HVS) and I tried to hide my emotions and hold back the tears, but I was devasted to hear him say this. It killed me, it made me want to kill myself. I so desperately want to be intimate with him sans protection because the sex we have has been the most incredible sex of my (and his) life. A most extraordinary experience, it just gets better each time. And I know that's so selfish because it is my desire to be thus close with him as opposed to him contracting an incurable virus. I just could not keep from weeping all night yesterday. I want him so desperately, to feel him entirely (Sorry, tmi) but he said (like most would) he really does not want this virus. I have not gotten an outbreak since I was with a man who has it, too, back in January. And prior to him, several months sans outbreak. It is so rare I have one, so I feel like there is very little risk, but he expressed that he would like to continue using condoms. I just feel like this is an issue we will never resolve as long as he is so apprehensive. We have been together for two months, so I guess there is more time to process this... Hopefully he'll feel more comfortable in the future, but this kills me so much... How will Iiiii get over this, too? It's forever, there is no cure. This sucks.

Edited by aileejay

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Evaluate

Welcome to HC :)

First, two months isn't a long time for a relationship (but it I guess it's all perspective).  A serious relationship, to me, would be after a year.  Like I said, it's different for everyone.

Second, and this is just my opinion, he has the right to feel however.  No doubt it sucks to hear him say something like he did, but acknowledging him and how he feels is important.  Once that's done, then an education piece as well as time for him to think about what your goals are, after you communicate those to him (and his own to you), a decision can be made.  Then you both have thinking to do.

I would say don't rush or pressure him to any conclusion.  Doing so might chase him away.  Be open, honest about your feelings, and communicate - just like any relationship (with or without HSV).

Have you educated yourself about HSV from a reliable source?

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aileejay
35 minutes ago, Evaluate said:

Welcome to HC :)

First, two months isn't a long time for a relationship (but it I guess it's all perspective).  A serious relationship, to me, would be after a year.  Like I said, it's different for everyone.

Second, and this is just my opinion, he has the right to feel however.  No doubt it sucks to hear him say something like he did, but acknowledging him and how he feels is important.  Once that's done, then an education piece as well as time for him to think about what your goals are, after you communicate those to him (and his own to you), a decision can be made.  Then you both have thinking to do.

I would say don't rush or pressure him to any conclusion.  Doing so might chase him away.  Be open, honest about your feelings, and communicate - just like any relationship (with or without HSV).

Have you educated yourself about HSV from a reliable source?

I have scarcely educated myself on this subject. I was informally diagnosed and the type I have is unbeknownst to me. I am so grateful for your reply, for making me aware of the fact that, as much as I suffer, it is imperative I take his feelings into consideration. You are absolutely right. Thank you for responding.

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Evaluate

No problem.  Talking things out can definitely help.  HSV definitely sucks, but what's more important in my opinion is how someone deals with it.  Two people with the exact same virus (insert cancer or debilitating car crash, etc) - one can live a fantastic life full of meaning and joy and the other (with essentially the same ailment) can live the total opposite.

Research goes on in the background into treatment and cures for the virus - many promising.  The trick is living a meaningful life until that time comes.

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Lisajd

Please find out which type you have.  This is important for decision making.  It is what it is.  Heartbreak and rejection is part of life. I broke up with someone who cared nothing about hsv but he took advantage and thats more hurtful thsn hsv rejection. And agree 2 months maybe not long enuf for him to make a decision about a future with you

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justanothersufferer

my girlfriend never had an outbreak and yet i contracted the virus. she's likely had it for years and never knew. 2 months is fairly early stages of getting to know someone. living with eachother for years and you still discover things about your partner.

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aileejay
2 hours ago, Lisajd said:

Please find out which type you have.  This is important for decision making.  It is what it is.  Heartbreak and rejection is part of life. I broke up with someone who cared nothing about hsv but he took advantage and thats more hurtful thsn hsv rejection. And agree 2 months maybe not long enuf for him to make a decision about a future with you

Well, if he made the suggestion to have kids with me in 2 years less than a month into our relationship (I moved in with him right away and the relationship is progressing rapidly) I would think he's quite certain about a future with me. But this is a different type of decision to make, you know? So, I'm sure he needs more time, in that regard, at least. Is there any way someone here could suggest which type I have based on my symptoms? I've never gotten any 'tingling' like people talk about. Just itching sores. :/

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aileejay
22 minutes ago, justanothersufferer said:

my girlfriend never had an outbreak and yet i contracted the virus. she's likely had it for years and never knew. 2 months is fairly early stages of getting to know someone. living with eachother for years and you still discover things about your partner.

I've lived with him the entire two months we've been together and we both agree it feels like it's been way longer that we've been together.

Edited by aileejay

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aileejay
4 minutes ago, aileejay said:

I've lived with him the entire two months we've been together and we both agree it feels like it's been way longer that we've been in the relationship.

And are you entirely sure she didn't know and was not just forfeiting the truth from you? I certainly hope not. :(

Edited by aileejay

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Atrapasueños

Los síntomas son diferentes en cada persona algunas personas tienen menos síntomas y menos lesiones y algunas personas tienen mayor síntomas y lesiones continúas

@aileejay

Symptoms are different in each person Some people have fewer symptoms and fewer injuries and some people have more symptoms and injuries continue

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Lisajd
3 hours ago, aileejay said:

Well, if he made the suggestion to have kids with me in 2 years less than a month into our relationship (I moved in with him right away and the relationship is progressing rapidly) I would think he's quite certain about a future with me. But this is a different type of decision to make, you know? So, I'm sure he needs more time, in that regard, at least. Is there any way someone here could suggest which type I have based on my symptoms? I've never gotten any 'tingling' like people talk about. Just itching sores. :/

You will need to get tested to determine which type it is because I have hsv2 and I have hardly had any symptoms so everyone is very different

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justanothersufferer
On 6/16/2017 at 11:43 PM, aileejay said:

And are you entirely sure she didn't know and was not just forfeiting the truth from you? I certainly hope not. :(

I guess I'll never know the answer to that. All you can do is trust what the person says....

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medicalanonymo
On 6/16/2017 at 4:58 PM, aileejay said:

I am in the most serious relationship of my life and this man I'm with is very responsible and health conscious and at my doctor's office yesterday, he expressed to the physician that he is 'terrified' (of contracting HVS) and I tried to hide my emotions and hold back the tears, but I was devasted to hear him say this. It killed me, it made me want to kill myself. I so desperately want to be intimate with him sans protection because the sex we have has been the most incredible sex of my (and his) life. A most extraordinary experience, it just gets better each time. And I know that's so selfish because it is my desire to be thus close with him as opposed to him contracting an incurable virus. I just could not keep from weeping all night yesterday. I want him so desperately, to feel him entirely (Sorry, tmi) but he said (like most would) he really does not want this virus. I have not gotten an outbreak since I was with a man who has it, too, back in January. And prior to him, several months sans outbreak. It is so rare I have one, so I feel like there is very little risk, but he expressed that he would like to continue using condoms. I just feel like this is an issue we will never resolve as long as he is so apprehensive. We have been together for two months, so I guess there is more time to process this... Hopefully he'll feel more comfortable in the future, but this kills me so much... How will Iiiii get over this, too? It's forever, there is no cure. This sucks.

Girl, you haven't experienced variety there's so much more you have to experience than one incredible guy. I know how it feels when its new and incredible but make no mistake we have Hyerpmen here that will put that Human boyfriend of yours to shame. Reminding you to be shameless like us all here, be humble and be shameless and, you will be the authority to chose your pleasures and destiny.

Make a wish of pleasure and we will be there to fulfill them in all variety.

PS: Leave the killing myself for the ordinary. Don't be They, be You.

 

Edited by medicalanonymo

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