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vr00mm

When is the best time to disclose?

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    Hai there!

    I found a home in this website! Thank you! When is the best time to disclose that you have HSV 2?

    I heard it is best to disclose it when you know you are going to have an intercourse.

    I am single and I feel like it is best to disclose it as soon as i know a deep relationship is forming   BEFORE things got really deep.

    I recently disclosed this to a lovely man in a very early of the relationship.  He politely said that he could not continue the courtship.

    This is my very first rejection and I have been feeling a lot of grief and upset ever since thus i searched  for this website . Reading posts from the forum gives me ideas.  I feel like have to toughen up emotionally for  i will be experiencing rejections in the future. If i am lucky, of course i will meet a man who will not bat an eyelid after disclosing like some experiences in this forum. 

    I dont want to start having hopes and feelings only to be crushed soon or later if i dont disclose it in the beginning of the courship.

    Interested to hear your thoughts.

    Thank you

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    Hi I took 6 weeks to disclose each situation different. ..it worked for me

    @vr00mm

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    This man who rejects me... i told him after we got to know each other for 5 days....have i made a mistake here? 

    Lol

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    Follow what you think will work for you. Each situation different.  I waited long but he fell in love with me.so ut was harder for him to reject me. He valued my honesty too. 

    @vr00mm

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    I disclose upfront normally but now i think its a matter of talking about stds.   What might he have.  Did you ask if he gets cold sores?  Has he been tested for hsv?  2 way street

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    If I think it is going to lead anywhere sexually. I had a guy tell me he was tested and it came back negative....I am not trusting him I waiting see it myself. He was offended that I want to wait until then.... Red Flag, I have my results and we were suppose to exchange but he didn't keep his end of the bargain. 

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    47 minutes ago, Trying45 said:

    If I think it is going to lead anywhere sexually. I had a guy tell me he was tested and it came back negative....I am not trusting him I waiting see it myself. He was offended that I want to wait until then.... Red Flag, I have my results and we were suppose to exchange but he didn't keep his end of the bargain. 

    Yup.  I do the same w/ women.  No test, red flag.  Then they argue about the test doesnt cover this or that.  Ha....  I respect myself too much to worry about arguing.  The 10 test panel I pay for covers a TON of common stuff plus HIV, etc.

    No test, no sex.  Most women(or guy)can find some other schlep.  I say let em.

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    I have a similar issue...when to disclose. I am nervous about informing the current person I am seeing because I see a great future with him and I'm fearful of loosing it. Especially since early on he told me of a person he rejected once she informed him after 3 dates but we had been talking for a month. It is now going on 6 months and a few days ago I received blood test results which verified it (as I had never had blood test done was unaware of it until a month ago). He advised that he got his test done will in a monogamous relationship with his child's mother and he was clean which would be able 3 years ago. He is careful and uses protection 90% of the time. I informed him that I was tested last year, which came back good...pre-research. But the topic of us going together has not been discussed and he always says that he is good or that he knows he is good. After reading these I wonder if I should be concerned to come degree. Let me give some background.

    I was diagnosed 10years ago. I had 4 children and youngest was 3. her father and I were not a viable relationship, which I knew from the beginning...and we had not been together since I became pregnant with her. While I made the mistake of going back after close to four years of not dealing with him. Once it started again, I always used protection well he took it off in the midst of sex and I did not catch it right away. It was when I broke it off that I had an OB. I would later hear from others that he was known to have HSV2. The worse part about it is he gave it to another (and probably several girls because he's been having children like he is a breeding farm) who in turn gave it to a friend of his. I was so disgusted. But the even more degrading part is that someone I let live with me informed him of the medication she saw (Valtrex cream from initial OB) so he called him and told me he heard I had something and I could hear the smile on his face. So I believe it did this to me on purpose but I never disclosed to him because he would end up with a restraining order to not contact or be around me or my house. But since "real" confirmation, I have yet to have any relations with the one I deem as "the one" I just hate this.

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    1 hour ago, i wish said:

    I have a similar issue...when to disclose. I am nervous about informing the current person I am seeing because I see a great future with him and I'm fearful of loosing it. Especially since early on he told me of a person he rejected once she informed him after 3 dates but we had been talking for a month. It is now going on 6 months and a few days ago I received blood test results which verified it (as I had never had blood test done was unaware of it until a month ago). He advised that he got his test done will in a monogamous relationship with his child's mother and he was clean which would be able 3 years ago. He is careful and uses protection 90% of the time. I informed him that I was tested last year, which came back good...pre-research. But the topic of us going together has not been discussed and he always says that he is good or that he knows he is good. After reading these I wonder if I should be concerned to come degree. Let me give some background.

    I was diagnosed 10years ago. I had 4 children and youngest was 3. her father and I were not a viable relationship, which I knew from the beginning...and we had not been together since I became pregnant with her. While I made the mistake of going back after close to four years of not dealing with him. Once it started again, I always used protection well he took it off in the midst of sex and I did not catch it right away. It was when I broke it off that I had an OB. I would later hear from others that he was known to have HSV2. The worse part about it is he gave it to another (and probably several girls because he's been having children like he is a breeding farm) who in turn gave it to a friend of his. I was so disgusted. But the even more degrading part is that someone I let live with me informed him of the medication she saw (Valtrex cream from initial OB) so he called him and told me he heard I had something and I could hear the smile on his face. So I believe it did this to me on purpose but I never disclosed to him because he would end up with a restraining order to not contact or be around me or my house. But since "real" confirmation, I have yet to have any relations with the one I deem as "the one" I just hate this.

    I would disclose to the guy you are with an let the chips fall wherever they do.  

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    Youve been talking 6 months and no sex yet?  Time to talk about it as if hes not ok you are investing more time and emotions.  Cant avoid the inevitable.  

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    On 6/19/2017 at 0:53 AM, Lisajd said:

    Youve been talking 6 months and no sex yet?  Time to talk about it as if hes not ok you are investing more time and emotions.  Cant avoid the inevitable.  

    We have and it has been protected and I am taking antivirals. We have been talking 7months on the 4th of September. I want us to go together to get tested.

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    You are having sex and not told him?  There is a risk he will be more upset for not telling him than h itself. Ive seen it a few times.  Good luck

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    Yup.  Disclose and let the chips fall.  What if the shoe was on the other foot?  Would you be ok w it.  I understand the fear somewhat.  I have been rejected over hsv1.  Trust is important to me.

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