vr00mm

When is the best time to disclose?

10 posts in this topic

Hai there!

I found a home in this website! Thank you! When is the best time to disclose that you have HSV 2?

I heard it is best to disclose it when you know you are going to have an intercourse.

I am single and I feel like it is best to disclose it as soon as i know a deep relationship is forming   BEFORE things got really deep.

I recently disclosed this to a lovely man in a very early of the relationship.  He politely said that he could not continue the courtship.

This is my very first rejection and I have been feeling a lot of grief and upset ever since thus i searched  for this website . Reading posts from the forum gives me ideas.  I feel like have to toughen up emotionally for  i will be experiencing rejections in the future. If i am lucky, of course i will meet a man who will not bat an eyelid after disclosing like some experiences in this forum. 

I dont want to start having hopes and feelings only to be crushed soon or later if i dont disclose it in the beginning of the courship.

Interested to hear your thoughts.

Thank you

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi I took 6 weeks to disclose each situation different. ..it worked for me

@vr00mm

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This man who rejects me... i told him after we got to know each other for 5 days....have i made a mistake here? 

Lol

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Follow what you think will work for you. Each situation different.  I waited long but he fell in love with me.so ut was harder for him to reject me. He valued my honesty too. 

@vr00mm

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I disclose upfront normally but now i think its a matter of talking about stds.   What might he have.  Did you ask if he gets cold sores?  Has he been tested for hsv?  2 way street

Trying45 likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If I think it is going to lead anywhere sexually. I had a guy tell me he was tested and it came back negative....I am not trusting him I waiting see it myself. He was offended that I want to wait until then.... Red Flag, I have my results and we were suppose to exchange but he didn't keep his end of the bargain. 

vr00mm likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
47 minutes ago, Trying45 said:

If I think it is going to lead anywhere sexually. I had a guy tell me he was tested and it came back negative....I am not trusting him I waiting see it myself. He was offended that I want to wait until then.... Red Flag, I have my results and we were suppose to exchange but he didn't keep his end of the bargain. 

Yup.  I do the same w/ women.  No test, red flag.  Then they argue about the test doesnt cover this or that.  Ha....  I respect myself too much to worry about arguing.  The 10 test panel I pay for covers a TON of common stuff plus HIV, etc.

No test, no sex.  Most women(or guy)can find some other schlep.  I say let em.

Trying45 likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a similar issue...when to disclose. I am nervous about informing the current person I am seeing because I see a great future with him and I'm fearful of loosing it. Especially since early on he told me of a person he rejected once she informed him after 3 dates but we had been talking for a month. It is now going on 6 months and a few days ago I received blood test results which verified it (as I had never had blood test done was unaware of it until a month ago). He advised that he got his test done will in a monogamous relationship with his child's mother and he was clean which would be able 3 years ago. He is careful and uses protection 90% of the time. I informed him that I was tested last year, which came back good...pre-research. But the topic of us going together has not been discussed and he always says that he is good or that he knows he is good. After reading these I wonder if I should be concerned to come degree. Let me give some background.

I was diagnosed 10years ago. I had 4 children and youngest was 3. her father and I were not a viable relationship, which I knew from the beginning...and we had not been together since I became pregnant with her. While I made the mistake of going back after close to four years of not dealing with him. Once it started again, I always used protection well he took it off in the midst of sex and I did not catch it right away. It was when I broke it off that I had an OB. I would later hear from others that he was known to have HSV2. The worse part about it is he gave it to another (and probably several girls because he's been having children like he is a breeding farm) who in turn gave it to a friend of his. I was so disgusted. But the even more degrading part is that someone I let live with me informed him of the medication she saw (Valtrex cream from initial OB) so he called him and told me he heard I had something and I could hear the smile on his face. So I believe it did this to me on purpose but I never disclosed to him because he would end up with a restraining order to not contact or be around me or my house. But since "real" confirmation, I have yet to have any relations with the one I deem as "the one" I just hate this.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, i wish said:

I have a similar issue...when to disclose. I am nervous about informing the current person I am seeing because I see a great future with him and I'm fearful of loosing it. Especially since early on he told me of a person he rejected once she informed him after 3 dates but we had been talking for a month. It is now going on 6 months and a few days ago I received blood test results which verified it (as I had never had blood test done was unaware of it until a month ago). He advised that he got his test done will in a monogamous relationship with his child's mother and he was clean which would be able 3 years ago. He is careful and uses protection 90% of the time. I informed him that I was tested last year, which came back good...pre-research. But the topic of us going together has not been discussed and he always says that he is good or that he knows he is good. After reading these I wonder if I should be concerned to come degree. Let me give some background.

I was diagnosed 10years ago. I had 4 children and youngest was 3. her father and I were not a viable relationship, which I knew from the beginning...and we had not been together since I became pregnant with her. While I made the mistake of going back after close to four years of not dealing with him. Once it started again, I always used protection well he took it off in the midst of sex and I did not catch it right away. It was when I broke it off that I had an OB. I would later hear from others that he was known to have HSV2. The worse part about it is he gave it to another (and probably several girls because he's been having children like he is a breeding farm) who in turn gave it to a friend of his. I was so disgusted. But the even more degrading part is that someone I let live with me informed him of the medication she saw (Valtrex cream from initial OB) so he called him and told me he heard I had something and I could hear the smile on his face. So I believe it did this to me on purpose but I never disclosed to him because he would end up with a restraining order to not contact or be around me or my house. But since "real" confirmation, I have yet to have any relations with the one I deem as "the one" I just hate this.

I would disclose to the guy you are with an let the chips fall wherever they do.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Youve been talking 6 months and no sex yet?  Time to talk about it as if hes not ok you are investing more time and emotions.  Cant avoid the inevitable.  

vr00mm likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now

  • Herpes Dating Web Site

    Guest, would you like to try dating another Herpster in your area?

    Search Now
  • Newbies

  • Latest Buzz

    • WilsoInAus
      Boil is my guess too, but if you have concerns then please attend your doctor. If you have been having sex with partner(s) whose STD status you do not know then please consider an STD panel that includes at least HIV, Hep A/B/C, gon, syph, chlam, trich, HSV 1/2.
    • WilsoInAus
      I remember trying to look into this some time ago but best I could come up with was that the chance was say in the range of 1-10% for the sexual episode. Obviously the nature of the outbreak, its positioning etc. all plays a role. You suggest this is HSV-2 with a diagnosis over 12 years ago? Have you checked the type with a blood test? May be a chance it is HSV-1 that your husband may already have for example. Agree that antivirals have no preventative properties, only benefit is taking the edge of the impact of an initial infection if this occurs (which as mentioned is still the realms of quite unlikely). Having HSV-1 does not provide any protection from HSV-2 so the figures show. Interestingly the other way around there is almost complete immunity, that is, people with an established HSV-2 infection are much less likely to be infected with HSV-1.
    • Lisajd
      You are more at risk when there is an outbreak so it is possible but as the other person said he may already have it anyway because if you have been in a relationship with him and having sex over a frequent period it is more likely that he would have it according to the experts.  And if he takes an antiviral straight away it does not stop him from getting it I'm not sure what the above person was referring to there
    • Lisajd
      If a person tells you that their partner has been tested and is negative then you can take that as a yes it can help. No symptoms does not mean not infected. Meds and condims reduce to 1%.  
    • Cas9
      Yes!!!  If antivirals stopped us from being contagious we would all be celebrating naked in Times Square.
    • GlitterDx
      It is still possible to pass the virus while on antivirals. 
  • Trending