I’ve been a frequent visitor of this site for awhile. The times when I feel down about my H+ status, I have come here to read stories of hope and happy endings, and I feel a lot better and reassured.
So, I finally made and account because I wanted to share my happy story!
I was diagnosed with GHSV2 about 5 years ago. While I’ve been with and disclosed to two partners about my status since then, they had already told me that they had been with women previously who had the same diagnosis, so I wasn’t nervous to disclose my status to them after finding that info out.
Neither of those relationship panned out. When I felt like I was ready to date again the thought of having to have the disclosure convo to another person made me so anxious! Like sick to my stomach, losing sleep kind of anxious. What if my status is a dealbreaker? And all the other worst case scenarios. But I haven’t let this stop me from dating in the past, and I didn’t want to let that stop me from dating now. And I met a guy who is amazing: funny, kind, thoughtful, smart, understanding, and curious about me and what makes me happy. The more time we spent together( and the more I developed my interest in him), the more anxious I got to give the talk.
We’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks and the physical chemistry is definitely there (kissing, touching over the clothes). But I would not let myself take it any farther with him until I had the disclosure talk.
Heading into our date last night, I knew that I couldn’t wait any longer to have the convo I had so been dreading. When I felt like the time was right, I finally gave my “spiel” and I was so relieved to get it out of the way, I honestly didn’t care if he rejected me at that point. I was proud of myself for doing something difficult and flexing my integrity muscle. Well, He actually got emotional, thanking me for putting his health and well-being above mine and told me this doesn’t change anything, in fact he said that me being open about my status before being intimate made him like me even more! He asked questions about how H effects me and was even curious about my experience dealing with the stigma. It went way way better than I anticipated, and we have plans to spend this upcoming weekend together!
Whether or not it works out with him, I’m proud of myself. For those that are even thinking about having this conversation ahead of time, you should be proud of yourselves too. This is not an easy conversation to have and it shows a tremendous amount of character.
Thank you to this community for sharing your stories. Hoping my story can help others during times of hopelessness that I too have experienced.
I had a fiance. He was actually the first guy I ever had to disclose to after my ghsv2 diagnosis. And he accepted me and it wasn't a big deal and we ended up not using protection and pretty much had a normal sex life except when I had my minor symptoms. But there were many times in the relationship that I knew I should have left him. But especially in the beginning I admit, I was desperate and was happy to have someone love me. Looking back, all the times he yelled at me or made me cry makes me so angry. Because I know that it was the fear of having to date again with hsv that kept me there. Finally I am free (sort of) of him. Now he is harassing my friends and family desperately trying to get me back ( he is mentally unstable and codependent) but he has now gotten to the point where he is telling my friends (via one of my friends boyfriends) that I gave him herpes. Which very well may not be true, by the way. But very inappropriate regardless. Also, he gave me HPV ( no symptoms just an abnormal pap) , but he also was telling people I gave him hpv. Ahh, just wonderful, my desperate lying asshole of an ex.
But, my point is, to anyone out there, do not stay with someone you shouldn't because they accepted your diagnosis. I am as happy and relieved as ever just to be away from his emotional vampirism. Is it a little scary thinking about future disclosure? Sure. But just remember you have a great personality to back you up and that is what matters. I know there will be a right person out there who will understand that the majority of the population has it. It's to the point where the differences between hsv1 and hsv2 are practically meaningless since they can happen in either mouth or genital and really anywhere on your body, so the statistic might as well be combined in saying that the majority of the WORLD population has either one or both.
So I am new to the herpes world. I was diagnosed with ghsv-1 on May 17th. I was dating two guys at once (one I was sexually active with and someone else). The last person I had sex with, I am pretty sure he’s the one that gave it to me. I did disclose to all of my sex partners using text free because I was too embarrassed to reveal myself. But anyway, today I disclosed to the other guy I was seeing when I found out that I was gHSV-1 positive. We have been seeing one another one to two time a week and have planned basically our whole summer out. Even though he wanted to take it slow we are most definitely sexually attracted to one another and planned on having sex somewhere along the lines. This morning I decided to disclose via text that I have ghsv-1. I gave him some fact/transmission rates and have left everything in his hands. He’s currently at work and asked if it’ll be okay for him to call me when he gets off. Let’s see how this turns out. I am prepared for the worst, but hoping for the best. I will keep you guys posted.
Haven't posted in a while - but I wanted to write a quick post, I had my kinda-5-year-herpes anniversary (got it on my birthday which makes it easier to remember) - and I'm happy to say that since then I've been in 4 relationships with non-herpes people (with a few short ones in between) and it has only gotten easier for me to disclose each time.
When I was first diagnosed I had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I would have to disclose to everyone I meet some horrible secret, because after the initial shock it didn't feel horrible at all... it just felt like a harmless thing I had to live with.
So then I decided that that's how I was going to live my life - I tell people who I'm dating about it as soon as I can tell it's going well. Sometimes the night I meet them. And in five years I have not met a single person who has turned me away because of it.
I truly, truly believe it's the only way to live with herpes - the more we keep it a secret, the more people will think it's something to be afraid of - which it's not. When I was first diagnosed, I met someone at the Toronto herpes meetup who sat down with me and told me that it wasn't a big deal - and that generally speaking, people don't care. Five years later and it's some of the best advice I've been given.
I know there are exceptions, and I know from what people here have told me that it can be incredibly difficult to disclose, but I really hope that doesn't stop anyone here from trying.
This is just my experience - but if one person reads this and feels hope, then I'll be happy.
You're all beautiful snowflakes