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Idontknow26

I don't know how to cope with this

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Idontknow26

I haven't been officially diagnosed, but I know it's coming on Monday, due to having one of the lesion tested on Friday. I'm not sure how long I've had this, but it became evident about 3 weeks ago. I did something really silly trying to balance my pH with peroxide after an online search. Well.. it burned in the surrounding areas, terribly. The next day. I began to itch uncontrollably, but knew something didn't feel right. I looked down and saw a group of small pimples and became afraid. A week later, I decided to go to the er and get it looked at. After telling them my story, they ruled out genital herpes and diagnosed me with chemical exposure. However, they did other tests (Which  resulted in a positive for an std) They said the "burn" would take a while to heal. Well last week was week 3. Tuesday, I woke up with a swollen, itchy eye and scheduled an appointment with my PCP who put me on antibiotic eye drops.. I had her take a look at the "burn" she said it would take a while but keep an eye on it. The next day.. I woke up with what I thought was a spider bite on my bum and went throughout the day as usual.. However , on Thursday, I was at work and I noticed it was becoming difficult to sit from the pain.. upon further evaluation.. I felt a bumpy lump on the other side of "burn" which now I know has to have been an outbreak all along. and a small lump in between my buttox which has since gotten a little larger (the one she took the sample from on Friday). Even the doctor said the "burn" looked perculir but she didn't say anything because she thought it was as a result of the peroxide. Well, I've been on Valtrex since Thursday before the samples were taken because I called and explained how much pain I was in. I don't even know if this is an initial outbreak. I just don't know.. I don't know how to cope with this. I feel like my life is over. I'm a single mom of four with herpes. I have no one to talk to and I know telling the "partner" who gave it to me will only ruin my reputation. My two best friends are in denial and one even told me he didn't want to hear it and I need to keep it to myself. And ofcourse I don't want to run around telling everyone I have herpes.. I just want to fall off the face of the earth.

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Chiatta

Are you in a lot of pain? I found lidocaine gel helped me a lot.

it will be ok, I know it's a shock. I feel apprehensive about telling future potential partners too.

let us know how the test goes 

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Idontknow26
1 hour ago, Chiatta said:

Are you in a lot of pain? I found lidocaine gel helped me a lot.

it will be ok, I know it's a shock. I feel apprehensive about telling future potential partners too.

let us know how the test goes 

Thanks for responding ... :(.. I will. I'm starting to get a pain in one spot on top of my thigh. I'm scared this valtrex isnt working. The pain subsided a lot in the vaginal area but not my back side. Both are still very itchy and the original lesion still isn't fully clear. It's like. What am I doing wrong? Smh

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Chiatta

Keep going with the antivirals. I'm a week since starting them and I feel so so so much better. Don't need the lidocaine gel any more 

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Idontknow26

Thanks! I will definitely keep at it. Have you been tired? I am experiencing a GREAT DEAL fatigue.

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Beachguy

It sometimes takes a while for the meds to kick in. My first OB must have taken 1 to 2 weeks. 

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LynnT
14 hours ago, Idontknow26 said:

I haven't been officially diagnosed, but I know it's coming on Monday, due to having one of the lesion tested on Friday. I'm not sure how long I've had this, but it became evident about 3 weeks ago. I did something really silly trying to balance my pH with peroxide after an online search. Well.. it burned in the surrounding areas, terribly. The next day. I began to itch uncontrollably, but knew something didn't feel right. I looked down and saw a group of small pimples and became afraid. A week later, I decided to go to the er and get it looked at. After telling them my story, they ruled out genital herpes and diagnosed me with chemical exposure. However, they did other tests (Which  resulted in a positive for an std) They said the "burn" would take a while to heal. Well last week was week 3. Tuesday, I woke up with a swollen, itchy eye and scheduled an appointment with my PCP who put me on antibiotic eye drops.. I had her take a look at the "burn" she said it would take a while but keep an eye on it. The next day.. I woke up with what I thought was a spider bite on my bum and went throughout the day as usual.. However , on Thursday, I was at work and I noticed it was becoming difficult to sit from the pain.. upon further evaluation.. I felt a bumpy lump on the other side of "burn" which now I know has to have been an outbreak all along. and a small lump in between my buttox which has since gotten a little larger (the one she took the sample from on Friday). Even the doctor said the "burn" looked perculir but she didn't say anything because she thought it was as a result of the peroxide. Well, I've been on Valtrex since Thursday before the samples were taken because I called and explained how much pain I was in. I don't even know if this is an initial outbreak. I just don't know.. I don't know how to cope with this. I feel like my life is over. I'm a single mom of four with herpes. I have no one to talk to and I know telling the "partner" who gave it to me will only ruin my reputation. My two best friends are in denial and one even told me he didn't want to hear it and I need to keep it to myself. And ofcourse I don't want to run around telling everyone I have herpes.. I just want to fall off the face of the earth.

Hi I'm sorry you're going thru this and that your friends are insensitive jerks. This is what I wrote to another gal on here and hope it'll help you. 

There is definitely hope!! I got diagnosed at 18 years old, 4 months after being raped by a "friend" from church. I was devastated of course but had a bf that I had to tell and he FLIPPED OUT (he was very selfish and self centered) so the whole thing became about him until his test came back negative. Needless to say I dumped him not long after. I'm now 31 and have had a few serious relationships and a decent number of casual ones. I have told every partner and never been rejected. Sometimes I've done it in person, sometimes over the phone, sometimes via email. It just depended on my comfort level with the person. Each time is was really traumatic though in the last few years not as much. Of course a lot of that is to do with the back story, I wish I could just say I got it from an ex. Anyways all of the men have been understanding, some were more educated about it than others, and the ones that weren't I educated. So do yourself a favor and read up online on credible sites so you know the facts and can reassure a potential partner. For example, with condom and med usage the chances of your male partner contracting it is 1% a YEAR. 2% if you use one method or the other. 4% without protection. So it is manageable. I think it's important to be the voice of reason and knowledge. Think of it this way: when a child falls they typically look to you for your reaction before reacting. If your face shows a terrified expression they react similarly. Versus if you clap or smile, it confuses them and makes them think Ok this isn't bad. So if you tell your partner and are super doom and gloom about it then they are going to be really scared and will react accordingly. If you're soothing and can explain clearly how the two of you can work together to prevent transmission they're more likely to respond positively. I have dated many wonderful men, who often opted to take their chances and we didn't use protection. None of them got it, I checked in with each ex after we broke up. My one caveat is I stopped sleeping with people right away. I got to know them first, so they could see how awesome I was ;) and were more likely to give "us" a chance after being told. I know right now this feels like all powerful but it's not. You can get married, have a healthy pregnancy, etc. There are dating sites for hsv positive people if that's easier for you to start with.  I hope this helps, feel free to pm me. Your life is not over, suicide is most definitely not the answer.

 

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Lisajd

The question I need to ask you is why do you think your life is over because you have herpes.  It's always good to look at the positives in your life and also ask yourself what does herpes actually stop me from doing.  It is likely that the blister on your backside is a herpes outbreak as well because of genital area does include the bum.  The best thing is to keep taking the meds and wait until you get your test results back but your life is not over and just focus on your family cause that's more important

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Idontknow26
20 hours ago, Beachguy said:

It sometimes takes a while for the meds to kick in. My first OB must have taken 1 to 2 weeks. 

Thank you. I'm keeping at it.. I received confirmation today. 

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Idontknow26
18 hours ago, LynnT said:

Hi I'm sorry you're going thru this and that your friends are insensitive jerks. This is what I wrote to another gal on here and hope it'll help you. 

There is definitely hope!! I got diagnosed at 18 years old, 4 months after being raped by a "friend" from church. I was devastated of course but had a bf that I had to tell and he FLIPPED OUT (he was very selfish and self centered) so the whole thing became about him until his test came back negative. Needless to say I dumped him not long after. I'm now 31 and have had a few serious relationships and a decent number of casual ones. I have told every partner and never been rejected. Sometimes I've done it in person, sometimes over the phone, sometimes via email. It just depended on my comfort level with the person. Each time is was really traumatic though in the last few years not as much. Of course a lot of that is to do with the back story, I wish I could just say I got it from an ex. Anyways all of the men have been understanding, some were more educated about it than others, and the ones that weren't I educated. So do yourself a favor and read up online on credible sites so you know the facts and can reassure a potential partner. For example, with condom and med usage the chances of your male partner contracting it is 1% a YEAR. 2% if you use one method or the other. 4% without protection. So it is manageable. I think it's important to be the voice of reason and knowledge. Think of it this way: when a child falls they typically look to you for your reaction before reacting. If your face shows a terrified expression they react similarly. Versus if you clap or smile, it confuses them and makes them think Ok this isn't bad. So if you tell your partner and are super doom and gloom about it then they are going to be really scared and will react accordingly. If you're soothing and can explain clearly how the two of you can work together to prevent transmission they're more likely to respond positively. I have dated many wonderful men, who often opted to take their chances and we didn't use protection. None of them got it, I checked in with each ex after we broke up. My one caveat is I stopped sleeping with people right away. I got to know them first, so they could see how awesome I was ;) and were more likely to give "us" a chance after being told. I know right now this feels like all powerful but it's not. You can get married, have a healthy pregnancy, etc. There are dating sites for hsv positive people if that's easier for you to start with.  I hope this helps, feel free to pm me. Your life is not over, suicide is most definitely not the answer.

 

It did help a little, it's just I didn't plan on carrying this. Like, I really blame me. I wish I had been more careful. 

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Idontknow26
13 hours ago, Lisajd said:

The question I need to ask you is why do you think your life is over because you have herpes.  It's always good to look at the positives in your life and also ask yourself what does herpes actually stop me from doing.  It is likely that the blister on your backside is a herpes outbreak as well because of genital area does include the bum.  The best thing is to keep taking the meds and wait until you get your test results back but your life is not over and just focus on your family cause that's more important

Yes, I received confirmation today that it's there. Thank you so much and I know. It's just. I feel like once my kids are grown up, I won't have anyone. It's just hard. I wonder how long it's going to take me to get over this. It's just not a good feeling to feel this pain, it's a constant reminder.

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Beachguy

Hang in there. Your going through the worst part.

Edited by Beachguy

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Lisajd
3 hours ago, Idontknow26 said:

Yes, I received confirmation today that it's there. Thank you so much and I know. It's just. I feel like once my kids are grown up, I won't have anyone. It's just hard. I wonder how long it's going to take me to get over this. It's just not a good feeling to feel this pain, it's a constant reminder.

The best thing you can do to help yourself if to not make assumptions about what the future might look like just because you have herpes the reality years you can do whatever you want to do.  Sometimes you might get rejected and that's ok but there is someone out there for everybody regardless of whether you have herpes or not.  Even when you're getting all grown up but I'll still be there but you also can't rely on a partner to fulfill your life

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