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Dreamer10

Fast forward almost 5 years

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Dreamer10

To be honest, the physical part of living with H has not been a problem at all for me.  Early on I would get itchy during my monthly but once I got Mirena my periods are almost nonexistent so nothing.  I have 1 and 2 and neither have manifested itself physically. Being asymptomatic is a blessing and a curse.  Not knowing when you should be even more cautious creates more of a paranoia and a sense of "I'm more contagious right now" way of thinking.  I don't take meds for it either.  

The emotional aspect has been more challenging.  My first thought in the morning is "I have Herpes".  Sometimes I feel deficient because of it when I look around and see people and I assume they are H free.  Every time I have anything going on in my body I assume it's H related.  I use to be very active, I ran, I weight trained, I did Zumba and my body was tight.  Now, I'm overweight after gaining almost 30lbs. I have no engergy most days and I have insomnia.  I kinda let myself go and I can't seem to get it together.  Outside of waking up with the initial thought I don't think about it but when I do it gets incessant and I come here only to see more and more new infections and people where I was 5 years ago.  I feel for them because I know what a diagnosis does to all the thoughts you had for your life.  Seems like I hear more and more jokes and shows reference it more.  It not more it's just that it's relatable now so it stands out.  Darn "Two Broke Girls" reference it in just about all the episodes.  

I will say IT DOES gets better if you continue living.  I have a son, a husband, a job, family and Church family.  Outside of my husband, nobody knows.  I think that has been hardest part - not having anyone I can talk with it outside of my online H family.  Luckily when I was initially diagnosed the Chat Forum was the best.  No matter the time of day it was always full of people and we talked for hours about everything.  It saved me!!  People asked about our lives outside of H. Thanks all who was on there back then.  

Anywho, I was feeling down because my eye has been giving me trouble and of course I blame H but most days I do very well at living with H.  I don't read up on research and cures because they will depress me because it seem so far away.   In the meantime I just keep on trucking.

Just felt like sharing today. 

 

 

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Lisajd

Thank you for sharing I don't think you will ever fully get over having this virus or accepting it for me I had anorexia for a long time and I know mentally I will never get over it but I am better and the same thing applies with herpes you just get better at accepting it.  And sometimes you really just have to realise what's important in life and just enjoy what life has to offer

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LWestCoast

I think if u r married it shouldn't even exist in ur head anymore. who cares. people have warts and nail fungus and rashes and those are all contagious. would u wake up every morning thinking about that? no. there's a reason the medical community doesn't take it seriously....because there are so many other serious diseases that actually impact ur ability to function and be ALIVE generally. life is short! be happy and have an awesome life with ur loving husband who is hopefully supportive. I don't think catastrophizing this benign condition is healthy. the only time it really is a bummer is if u have really bad symptoms or arent married and have to tell people (in my opinion). marriage is in sickness and health and this isn't even sickness. ur honestly so lucky in life if this is ur biggest problem.

you are entitled to ur feelings of course. I'm just trying to express a different perspective. 

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