So I am new to the herpes world. I was diagnosed with ghsv-1 on May 17th. I was dating two guys at once (one I was sexually active with and someone else). The last person I had sex with, I am pretty sure he’s the one that gave it to me. I did disclose to all of my sex partners using text free because I was too embarrassed to reveal myself. But anyway, today I disclosed to the other guy I was seeing when I found out that I was gHSV-1 positive. We have been seeing one another one to two time a week and have planned basically our whole summer out. Even though he wanted to take it slow we are most definitely sexually attracted to one another and planned on having sex somewhere along the lines. This morning I decided to disclose via text that I have ghsv-1. I gave him some fact/transmission rates and have left everything in his hands. He’s currently at work and asked if it’ll be okay for him to call me when he gets off. Let’s see how this turns out. I am prepared for the worst, but hoping for the best. I will keep you guys posted.
So I just found out that I have herpes a little over two weeks ago. I am pretty sure I know who I contracted it from, but that is neither here nor there. I was dating two people (only sexually active with one). I no longer converse with the guy who I’ve contracted this from, but kept in contact with the other guy, let’s call him PT and we’ve been hitting it off really well. Sex isn’t really on the table for us because we both said that we wanted to wait for sex until we get to know one another better because we don’t want to rush anything. I can see something more forming between the two of us even though it’s still new. I want to tell him now, but I also want to get to know him better before disclosing this to him. We have a couple of dates lined up. What should I do? Please help
Hey everyone, I recently got diagnosed 2 months ago with genital herpes and the guy that gave it to me is it denial about it. About a week ago, I met a new guy and we talk about having sex a lot but I feel so guilty that he does not know yet. We haven’t engaged in the act but we are going on a date this sunday and I have a feeling that he is expecting to have sex. I’m just so scared of his reaction for when I tell him. Are my odds in my favor? How likely am I to get rejected or ghosted after telling him? What are your guys’ experiences?
So I’m not sure I never really looked at my test results because I was scared... I’ve been told it could be a uti or something but I only get them when I’m stressed. I just... does any one else find dating hard?!? It’s like the guys I do tell instantly friend zone me or never talk to me ever again. I don’t what to do and was wondering if anyone else had a similar experience..?
Advice Needed - 1st Time Disclosure - Guy Rejected Me Now Changed His Mind - Please help! Sorry so longBy tadasana
I got the wonderful virus on my genitals from a guy I dated 5 years. I definitely stayed in the relationship too long because of being scared to have to disclose to someone. I finally broke up with him in 2016.
I finally got up the nerve to start dating again about six months ago. In late November I met a guy who I had a lot in common with, got along with, was attracted to, etc, and I could tell he felt the same way about me. (We are both divorced and in our 40s.)
So over the course of a month, we got closer and had wonderful times. I could tell he was falling for me and I was for him. On the Saturday before Christmas we spent the whole day together and went to dinner that night then back to my house to exchange gifts. He had bought me a really pretty necklace for Christmas (not too extravagant but sweet and I had picked out a special book as a gift to him.) We had not had sex yet but I knew it would be coming soon so I needed to disclose. He ended up telling me he loved me that night and I told him the same. Then came the disclosure.
He just looked kinda stunned then sat with me without really saying much for about 30 minutes. He then gave me a brief hug and said he had to go. He left the book I gave him at my house and as he left, I tried to give him the necklace back because I could tell that everything had changed. He asked me to please keep it. It was the end of the night so it wasn’t completely weird and I figured he was shocked and needed time to process so, while I was very upset, I knew that this was always a possibility.
I will admit that I did a terrible job at the actual disclosure. It was my first time and even though I had practiced saying it aloud many times, I know that sounded ashamed and embarrassed.
We texted a little bit the next day, mostly with me explaining more about my situation. I explained that in my personal experience, it had not been very disruptive for me. I have only had three outbreaks in six years. I also explained that if someone was with a partner who had it, the partner could take medicine to reduce the other person from getting it. I sent him some links.
After that day (the day after disclosure), I did not contact him and he did not contact me. Once again, I figured he needed time. About three days after, he finally texted me saying that he was sorry for the way he reacted. He also said that he loved me and was very sad but according to what he read, he would eventually get it and that he couldn’t knowingly do that to himself and if I ever needed anything to let him know. (I did not see the point in disputing what he “read” on the Internet and how he felt about it. The links I first sent him clearly indicated that was not the case.) Neither one of us wants more kids (we both have them) so it has nothing to do with any issues it could cause in that sense.
I basically said “thank u, next” and wished him well. That was the day after Christmas.
Fast forward one month to Wednesday, January 23. (We have had no contact at all. We are not connected on social media and we have no mutual friends.) I get a text from him asking how I’m doing. I respond politely and we exchange a few pleasantries. He then asks me if I’m seeing anyone and tells me that he’s sorry for what went on and he really wanted to go out with me again. I say I am confused since for the past month, I’ve accepted the fact that he did NOT want to be with me. He asked if we could just meet to talk, but he totally understood if I said no. I said, sure, I’ll meet you to talk but told him not to have any expectations about us dating again. I said I needed some time and maybe we could meet in a week or so.
We texted a little bit yesterday. I told him that I wanted to meet him at the restaurant because I wanted to be sure I could leave whenever I wanted to. He then said, “I cannot apologize enough for how I handled things between us.” I said, “I don’t want to talk about that now.” And that I needed space between now and our meeting next Thursday and I would confirm with him on Wednesday (in other words, do NOT contact me). I want to see if he will honor my wish.
Here’s what I need advice on. I have NO experience in dealing with being rejected for this particular reason and none of my friends do either.
Is he just a total jerk??? In your experience or opinion, will he ever be truly emotionally supportive? Should I cut him some slack? Should I meet with him at all? Should I meet with him in order to end it with him in person? To begin with, I am a person with avoidant attachment issues. I cut people off and out of my life very easily, many of my friends think too easily. It was a huge deal for me even to disclose to him. Huge deal. I know me cutting him out of my life could easily be justified in my mind and it is my natural tendency to want to do this. I am truly shocked that I actually kept his number in my phone and didn’t block it right after he texted me to end it. The fact that I am actually opening up just a little bit (maybe even to someone who doesn’t deserve it) is major progress for me.
I miss him and I still care about him. I really, really thought he would have been one to be okay with the situation from the get-go, but obviously I was mistaken.
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