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Blahdittilyblah

I run away every time why?

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Blahdittilyblah

Ugh I hate it I hate it hate it. Not IT, but that I run from any women who shows me interest. Do I hate me no. Do I hate my gifter no. Am I embarrassed? Not to tell the individual who has interest, but yes to the fact that individual may tell others I don't want to know. I hate going out now. I used to go out all the time. Friends constantly asking where I'm at when I'm coming back out and I just lie and pass. Why I don't like going out? Because when I do go out often times I get hit on, and no I don't think I'm anything special I actually think the opposite and that these pretty girls are just momentarily mentally handicapped to some degree lol. But sure enough since I've become single, I seem to get hit on by these girls who have been apperantly watching for some time. And as soon as I get the smallest hint that they're flirting which sometimes takes me a while lol. I quickly and sometimes awkwardly end the conversation and Olympic Speed Walk my way to the other side of the room. Ex's trying to come back, randoms, club/bar girls, friends girl-friends not gf, sister/brother friends. I mean you'd think this would be like a good thing. But it's torment to me, I love socializing with people, I love making new friends. But since, I have been paralyzed to be me; I go out sometimes and friends are excited to see me because now it's rare. I enjoy myself, I generally am the one sparking conversation and telling jokes, but then. I don't know, my anxiety kicks into high gear and I freak out and leave because I need to get space. Often times it's because it reminds me of how I got here by going out drinking making not so good decisions but hey she didn't know and she's a beautiful disaster, it hurt to watch her world crumble before her eyes when she got the test results. Because I knew what she just went through mentally for the first time and I also knew that it killed her she gave this to me. But I now know I have it and I feel more then compelled to let any women know prior to any sexual relationships almost even down to kissing but def touching anything below the belt. And that's a little challenging. Do I care about rejection? Yes. I'm aware that rejections is likely anyways in the dating world it takes time and I understand why someone would say no to me with this added, however I still don't want to hear it. That's why I have never approached a woman that I have dated because I'm extremely shy and reserved to strangers. I wait because I want to ensure they have an interest in me before I guess I get rejected idk something I just thought of. And before this it be easy I'm social once I get to know you and trust you to some degree; I would conversate with a women and go out on dates or events. But now with this added I run for some reason. 1: I don't want people who don't need to know know. 2: I don't want to out my ex, I feel if I can limit that I should so she can manage it how she's comfortable instead of dealing with I heard. 3: I don't know this person and if I can eventually trust this person. It just frustrates me because I can't be me I feel. My anxiety kicks in and I avoid the contact, and I feel bad rejecting these girls when some of them I'd be interested in pursuing a relationship with possibly, but I don't hate me and who I am and what I have so I'm so confused as to why I feel the way I do. Just venting because I'm hurt inside but it's only on the inside and I never show it on the outside, I have few to trust that I can talk to this about and don't really want to bother them with it. As a child you never could understand when your parents would say it's a cold, cruel world out there until the universe placed you where you were at the time, to place you here where you are now reading this. I'm sorry just got a little bumed. 

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Whyyyyy

You sound like a great great guy!!! Any woman would be lucky to have you! I get not wanting to out yourself and your ex though...have you tried PS or any of those secret Facebook groups? It may be worth a shot to see if there's someone you're interested in that already has it!

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Lisajd

I get it but i would think that asking for confidentiality to a decent person would be respected. Give a girl a go.  You are not giving them or yourself a chance.   Why would you out your ex?

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Blahdittilyblah
1 hour ago, Whyyyyy said:

You sound like a great great guy!!! Any woman would be lucky to have you! I get not wanting to out yourself and your ex though...have you tried PS or any of those secret Facebook groups? It may be worth a shot to see if there's someone you're interested in that already has it!

Thank you, I wish I felt the same way. The lucky women seem to be my ex's that contact me months years later to say they fucked up lol usually when I'm dating someone else or even if they are dating someone else. I don't know what PS is and haven't checked the FB groups yet. I def would be more comfortable with someone who does have it. But don't want to limit myself. 

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Whyyyyy
Just now, Blahdittilyblah said:

Thank you, I wish I felt the same way. The lucky women seem to be my ex's that contact me months years later to say they fucked up lol usually when I'm dating someone else or even if they are dating someone else. I don't know what PS is and haven't checked the FB groups yet. I def would be more comfortable with someone who does have it. But don't want to limit myself. 

PS is positive singles...I don't hear great things about that but worth a shot...if you can get into the "secret" Facebook groups that would be good!

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Blahdittilyblah
39 minutes ago, Lisajd said:

I get it but i would think that asking for confidentiality to a decent person would be respected. Give a girl a go.  You are not giving them or yourself a chance.   Why would you out your ex?

Unfortunately some people are good at hiding their true personalities for a while so it be hard to judge who can be trusted. If I talked to anyone up in my area they or someone they know likely know either who I am or who my ex is so it be kinda obvious that either she had it, I had it, or one of us gave it to the other. Or she was ok with me having it which all could lead to it coming back to her. At least that's how I feel the town is big but the crowd I'm around and girls I'd  be interested in are likely gonna know or hear. 

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Blahdittilyblah
2 minutes ago, Whyyyyy said:

PS is positive singles...I don't hear great things about that but worth a shot...if you can get into the "secret" Facebook groups that would be good!

Ahhh I see makes sense now. Sorry I've avoided the word positive for a while lol. 

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Lisajd
25 minutes ago, Whyyyyy said:

PS is positive singles...I don't hear great things about that but worth a shot...if you can get into the "secret" Facebook groups that would be good!

I don't know many people who have had much success with positive singles either and I belong to a secret Facebook group which is in the UK and none of them date successfully through the group.  The guys are all trying to hook up with all of the good-looking women all at the same time

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