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unrelentingagony

Swim

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unrelentingagony

It's like being cold from the inside

The frigid breeze comes from within 

And there's no place to hide

 

I can't swim

 

Except the water, I'm making it

My heart I'm breaking it 

Everyday I'm faking it 

 

When does life begin 

 

They told me I'm healing 

Everyday it hurts less 

But why can't I stop feeling

 

I don't think I want it to end

 

But my mind says it's not worth it 

And I'm attacking me from the inside out 

 

If not now then when

 

I bash my head against a wall 

This wasn't supposed to be like this 

I was supposed to stumble, not fall

 

Like sepsis, like Lupus, like cancer

The poison is from within 

 

I'm a walking contagion 

They say keep going

 

My light is starting to dim 

 

I make it to the surface 

And something reminds me I'm not worth it 

I was never going to win 

 

While physically this can't kill me 

It can completely fill me 

With hate for myself for my body 

 

Was it because of my sin?

 

Not everyone goes through this

There is so much to this 

 

I can't swim

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JTHoney

Beautifully written and full of emotion. I feel it and it’s very helpful to read this. Thanks for sharing! 

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floydmonk

Thank you, I feel this characterizes the darkest days of my struggle, very helpful to read this.

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