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Guest Anonymous

By Guest Anonymous,
in Personal Experience with Herpes

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Guest Anonymous

Guest Anonymous

Posted
Posted

so i know this probably sounds stupid and looking back it was but here goes. so there was this jerk of a guy who kept hitting on me and trying to get me for like a year. problem is he has a girlfriend. i told him numerous times no no no cuz he has a girl friend and thats not cool. anyway one night he was hitting on me again an I just blurt out "hey I' got herpes, so don't ruin your relationship" I think I was just testing out telling someone cuz I never have. wow bad idea. he was so mortified. he told me i was an "infaltrator" like wow you think you know someone than..... he was so mean about it. he basically told me that he didn't even want to be my friend anymore and that i was "icky" and he was probably going to tell everyone we know (which is a lot of people, I am kind of a sceanster in my city.) As soon as the words were out of my mouth i knew i messed up. i had no intention of pursuing anything with this person, i kind of wanted to tell him so he would finally leave me alone. so heres my delima. the people i know act like herpes is THE worst thing that can happen. keep in mind i hang out with a bunch of rock stars who never want to stop having casual sex. But now i'm terrified everyone will find out and ill br "that girl". also I dont think i can bear ever telling again. I'm devestated. any one have some encouraging words instead of telling me what i already know, that i was an idiot to tell this guy.

jen :oops:

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Faith Established Member

Faith

Posted
Posted

Jen,

I don't know if you still wanna be surrounded by people whose priority is having casual sex in spite of they have girlfriends....

From my point of view, there is no -safe sex- existing. And they are people who are still having so-called "casual sex" and it's irresponsible.

I guess it's time for you to think about the whole thing about your life, friends, and relationship......

Sorry, I must sound like I'm preaching, but that's what I honestly feel..

Please take good care of yourself. That's the most important thing. What other people say about you is not part of your life.

Best wishes..

Faith

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MC37 Pilot Established Member

MC37 Pilot

Posted
Posted
so there was this jerk of a guy who kept hitting on me and trying to get me for like a year. problem is he has a girlfriend. i told him numerous times no no no cuz he has a girl friend and thats not cool.

also I dont think i can bear ever telling again. I'm devestated.

Its too bad that the first person you had the courage to tell was a jerk. But obviously, as you know, you knew he was a jerk before you told, so no big suprise that he was still a jerk after you told.

Learn from that...

If I could disect that situation a bit more...

A guy who has a girlfriend, but wants to do you... He's obviously not looking for a relationship. Not looking for committment, not looking for love... just a fuck...

When the only think he was looking for from you (sex) was revealed to be NOT as simple as a quick screw that he wanted, you're value to him became zero.

Learn from that...

Not to be harsh, but I assure you that in the future, guys who just want to sleep with you, and have no intention of having a relationship with you... You may find a less then positive response from those 'types' more often then not.

i had no intention of pursuing anything with this person, i kind of wanted to tell him so he would finally leave me alone.

What if he would have said "so what" then what?

Why not be completely honest in the first place... Tell him you don't sleep with pigs who cheat on their girlfriends. Sorry...

Anyway...

the people i know act like herpes is THE worst thing that can happen. keep in mind i hang out with a bunch of rock stars who never want to stop having casual sex. But now i'm terrified everyone will find out and ill br "that girl".

If there is ONE thing that having HSV does, I believe it changes your values. I know that for me, it made me realize that there is no comfort in casual sexual relationships... That casual sexual relationships don't build trust, they don't provide safety, they don't provide lasting comfort. They don't build communication and love. And having HSV probably made me realize that about 10 years sooner... when I was 21, instead of 31.

I'm SO glad that I got it. I know I would NOT be where I am emotionally if not for getting HSV and becoming a better person emotionally so that HSV was in perspective.

I will just be blunt and say that I think that you may have a rough time ahead of you if you choose to continue to try to find happiness with friends that live the 'rock star' lifestyle... and who's priority is casual sex. The devastation you have experienced from telling the a-hole that you did tell is probably only going to be the tip of the iceberg IF you continue to associate with people who's primary value in life is casual sex and casual sexual relationships..

HOWEVER if you choose to take this opportunity to re-focus on what you really want from life... And I can't say for sure what that is for you, but I know for ME it was to find love.... If when you look deep within yourself and ask yourself what you really want... IF what you REALLY want is honest, loving, caring, understanding relationships... I ASSURE YOU that having HSV will NEVER EVER EVER interfere with your ability to have those.

If you look inside yourself and you find that what you really want is to be able to have casual sexual relationships for the rest of you life of for the near future like your 'rock star' friends... I can pretty much assure you that you won't find happiness anytime soon in that regard.

IN either case... SOMEDAY when you decide to associate with loving caring people... when you become a loving caring person yourself... you will attract other loving caring people.... And you will not be burdened by your 'little secret' anymore.

I've told 9 girlfriends and hundreds of friends/acquantances that I have HSV and NEVER ONCE did I get a response like the one you got from mr. a-hole.

So please know that the world is FULL of people who will love you without reserve even though you have a little virus that flares up from time to time...

The world is FULL of those kinds of people... And its up to you to make the choice of if you are going to associate with THEM, or with people who will judge you by a little virus.

FHL,

nik

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Lasmom Acknowledged Support Member

Lasmom

Posted
Posted

I've been writing in another place here about my recent dating experience with a psycho. He called me trying to convince me to go out again. When I refused he said:

"who's gonna want you if I don't take you?" and then he called me his "hercules princess" hercules is his way of saying "herpes"

Nice huh? You know what? F him. I know who I am and I'm worth way more than that. You will in time feel the confidence to say F him too!

Truth is, all of those people you hang with - probably have it and don't know it. The more people I tell, the more people I find out have it as well, and were afraid to tell.

I wish you the strength to branch out, follow your heart, and find new surroundings which are supportive for you.

You certainly aren't tainted in any way. That guy - he is. :wink:

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Faith Established Member

Faith

Posted
Posted

Lasmom on Sunday!!!!! :D:shock::D

He called me trying to convince me to go out again. When I refused he said:"who's gonna want you if I don't take you?" and then he called me his "hercules princess" hercules is his way of saying "herpes"

That is called a -total- loser.......

When someone do/say that kind of thing, he deserves all the bad words in the world!

Yup, f*** him!!!

But...he has to use that base and desparate measure to ask you out again...???

Lasmom.... he is head over heels in love with you.. I feel sorry for him. LOL :lol:

Faith

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Guest Anonymous

Guest Anonymous

Posted
Posted

yup - in on Sunday - working for a change...

Yes, in love with me Faith... I attract the most wonderful men.....

But I do believe that you reap what you sew. I was in a low place when I met him - and a strong place when I met "city boy" who, by the way sent me flowers today. It pays to be positive. It is hard when there are so many jack asses in the world - male or female, but it's worth th effort.

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Faith Established Member

Faith

Posted
Posted

Yeah, funny, isn't it?

When you are happy, happy people come around you.

When you are depressed, depressed people come around you.

It's really you... you are creating the fortune.. <smile>

But.... he sent you flowers?!

Damn...!! :D Girl... you're lucky!!!!!!!! :D :D :D

Faith

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MC37 Pilot Established Member

MC37 Pilot

Posted
Posted
When you are happy, happy people come around you.

When you are depressed, depressed people come around you.

in addition...

Love breeds love...

Be a loving person, and loving people will be drawn to you...

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest Anonymous

Guest Anonymous

Posted
Posted

doing better, thanks

since i posted that original message ihave learned much. sadly i was hanging out with alot of destructive shallow people who don't care about meaningful relationships or love. this life style led me into a relationship with the person who gave me H. he was a boozing womanizing pig who gets off on infecting pretty girls. i stayed with this abuser for nine months because he convinced me i was worthless and no one would want me. I was so messed up after being in that situation for so long i tried to kill myself in october. guess what? the guy couldn't have cared less. H has changed everything i think about relationships, my life style and the health choices i make for myself. I am trying hard to not let it affect my self esteem to much. I am so much better of a person. I am more honest, loving, accepting and appreciative than i have ever been. I know that i deserve more than to just be used for sex. i want the real thing, love and its not going to be found in a bar. i am happy to say i am making wonderful changes in my life.i recently met someone new and told him. turns out he had it too. he was completly blown away by my honesty and had so much respect for telling because NO ONE in our scene does. I don't think he would have told me about him befor becomming intimate, and this made me think about who he is as a person. he said "Iwas going to tell you". but i doubt it.

thanks for your replies, i don't know what i would do without this support.

much love to everyone!

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Lasmom Acknowledged Support Member

Lasmom

Posted
Posted

Re: doing better, thanks

i am happy to say i am making wonderful changes in my life.i recently met someone new and told him. turns out he had it too. he was completly blown away by my honesty and had so much respect for telling because NO ONE in our scene does. I don't think he would have told me about him befor becomming intimate' date=' and this made me think about who he is as a person. he said "Iwas going to tell you". but i doubt it. [/quote']

Well, there it is - the odds of telling someone who has it... and doesn't it suck that people are still people.... I think it's just like anything else - a good person with H is a better person because of it, a bad person with H is horrible. I'd like to say I hope you were wrong, but trust your instincts.... who knows, maybe your honesty wil help him find his.

I'm glad to hear you sounding better.

Love to you as well.

Lasmom

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    • EssenceL25
      Help me !!

      By EssenceL25 · Posted

      I’m going to force him to get tested ! Thanks for your help ! 
    • WilsoInAus
      Help me !!

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

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      Help me !!

      By EssenceL25 · Posted

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    • WilsoInAus
      Help me !!

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      @EssenceL25 then it is all beyond reasonable doubt that the current partner is the source. A 'perfect' fit in terms of timing, symptoms and swab. It may be though that the type is not technically known. Culture swabs are very often not typed and just assumed to be HSV-2 if taken from a genital location. If you received oral sex in the days leading into 7 March then it is 50/50 as to whether this is HSV-1 or HSV-2. You could contact your doctor and confirm if the swab was actually typed (which is a second test where fluorescent antibodies for HSV-1 and HSV-2 are added and see which one 'glows').  If that test wasn't done then you do not know type. If you have oral HSV-1 yourself (cold sores) then this will be HSV-2. Does your partner have oral HSV-1? It is somewhat strange for him not to rush and test - many people have a 'reaction' if they truly do not know their status and have concerns that you infected them etc. (not initially rational of course). This indicates he may know his status - or maybe he just isn't simply the sharpest tool in the shed!?
    • EssenceL25
      Help me !!

      By EssenceL25 · Posted

      I had flu like symptoms and ulcers on my vagina . They did a culture and I tested positive for hsv2. I asked my partner to get tested he agreed but I’m not sure if he will cause he hasn’t said anything else about it. 
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