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A guy I just started dating has found out he has herpes

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Hi! Recently a guy that I had just started dating got an outbreak and found out that he has herpes. We had been dating for a little less than a month and everything was great, I was really falling for him until he found out that he had herpes and decided to stop dating me. To give more context, we had sex before he found out, but after his diagnosis I took a test and came up negative, so neither of us passed it to the other. Anyway, he said that he was too depressed and shocked with the news to even think about getting in a relationship or keep dating me. I got very upset because at no point I had said I didn't want to date him because he had herpes, in fact I tried to be as supportive as I could and told him that I'd be happy to keep getting to know him and see where things go. So I'm very confused right now because I feel like maybe he was not sure about me or he was not very interested. But at the same time, I don't have herpes and I don't know how I would feel in his situation, so was trying to get your opinions, is it really possible to be so depressed with the news that you want to avoid contact with someone you were dating? do you think is true that he is very depressed? And is there anything I could do or just let him come back when he has accepted the news a bit better (he found out about a month ago)?


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I don't think you should take it personally, most people when they find out they have herpes they need time to digest it. I know for me I denied it at first I just didn't want to believe it. And then when he found out you didn't have it he may of been thinking that he doesn't want to give it to you, I know if I passed it on I'd feel pretty awful about it. Maybe just reach outnto him as a friend and tell him you can't know exactly what he's going through but if he ever needs to talk about it with someone your there for him. He probably hadn't told anyone else so he most likely feel a pretty alone right now. 

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West end gal

An HSV diagnosis can be very psychologically impactful...so do not take it personally. I would give him some time process and deal with it.....being supportive would definitely help 

Edited by West end gal

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If I had a dollar for every person who thought there last was over because they had herpes I would be very wealthy.  There are also some people who a very adamant about not passing it to somebody else so the fact that you are negative may come into play in that regards.  Know when you say you got tested how many weeks was it after you have sex that you got tested because normally it takes up to 12 weeks for antibodies to develop.  If you have told him that you still want to proceed with him then you have done your bed but he probably just need time.  The main reason it have an impact on people is because of the stigma and many people really can't deal with that because they believe that they will be judged or rejected.  And he would be stupid to let you go if after a month you feel enough for him that you're willing to risk it so good for you


I would also try and encourage him to join us here

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Like I was[still am] maybe he is in shock and needs some time ,but stay close and educate yourself like your doing and educate him . I think he is thinking he could have given it to you and that is a hard pill to swallow when your a good person and he does not want to risk that again.  When he does want to hang out again ,maybe give him a list of all the sexual things you can do together that are not risky  to you ,but are still fun and still give pleasure and start slow. 

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I died inside and didn't come out of my room for an entire year. I'd say yes this news can be crippling depressing. I lost a year of my life... but also how I got it was pretty bad. So I think how and from who matters

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The initial shock of this diagnosis can be surreal. I know I didn't talk to my gifter much for a two weeks. She had no idea she had it.  I needed time to process my emotions and thoughts rationally and correctly. When I was certain I could talk to her to handle my emotions as well as all her emotions to come I did. I know how difficult it was to deal with telling someone who gave it to me, I can only imagine how difficult it is to tell someone you just started seeing this. Especially without feeling mortified. None of us want to give it to someone else and it's a deep internal struggle knowing you possibly could change someone's life forever too. Give him time, support, support, support. Don't pressure but if you really like him and care for him then you'll be patient and understanding best of luck. 

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