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inarut

Trying to be positive!

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inarut

This is my first post here...Its really nice to know that I'm not alone. I'm hoping that after some of you read my story you'll feel better about your own situations.

Ok here goes...I was married for 13 years and have two beautiful boys who are happy and healthy! My relationship fell apart when I discovered that my wife had cheated on me the last 6 years of our marraige....with no less than 6 men...ironically she is herpes free! LOL I filed for divorce and am almost ready for my final hearing. I had a short relationship that was too soon. Then I met a cool gal who said and did all the right things...she just wasn't totally honest with me. As all of our stories go...we had unprotected sex...stupid choice! I not only got herpes but also had to deal with an abortion! Yes she gave me herpes and got pregnant!!!! I have always been pro-life but the situation was not right and the decission was a no brainer. So to sum it all up I'm in a divorce...Very stressful; I had to make the choice for an abortion...Kills my soul; and now I have herpes...Stressfull, embaresing and physically painfull (at times). Then to put the icing on the cake my sis-in-law was snooping through my meds and found my valtrex...everyone knows what it is for...thanks T.V.! She proceeded to start alot of rumors in the small towns surrounding me...I live in a small community where these things spread like wildfire! Now I know that people know my little secret! I have been confronted twice so far! Remember "denial aint' just a river in Egypt".

I was having a VERY difficult time dealing with all the crap at once ant it just seemed to be getting deeper and deeper!!! So...I swallowed my pride...faught the fear...and sat my parents and older brother down and told them what had happened to me and the difficult situation that was at hand...guess what there was no judgement! No ridicule! They didn't even look at me funny!!!! This was the first step for me to get a grip on things. Then came step 2...my closest friends...this was a little more difficult for me to do...they wern't family and had the option to judge. They didn't! In fact they both had stories of their own that they had never told anyone! I was diagnosed in the end of July so this is all very fresh to me yet, I have gotten over my initial anger and blame stage because it was sucking major energy from me that I couldn't afford to expend on something unchangeable. I will have this problem for the rest of my life and have no choice but to deal with it in a PRODUCTIVE manner. I do have the fear of dating yet, of having to tell someone that I want to start a relationship with that I have herpes. I have always been the guy who could get any girl I wanted, I'm smart, sexy, and hansome. Now I really do feel dirty...tainted...unworthy...and scared. So I have a question for you men and women....how do I approach talking to a potential partner about this? When do I talk to them about it? I'm sooooo confused over this matter...

Thanks for your support!!!

inarut

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alwall0828

It's great when friends and family have your back on the whole thing. makes life sooo much easier.

With the "new partner" thing. I personally tell them upfront. If things seem like they are going good and flirtatious then I tell them. Things may never reach that point. They may run like hell and that's okay, because if they do then they aren't good enough for me. But if I tell them upfront before anything happens and any concrete feelings come about I won't be as hurt if they run. I have been lucky on the people I have told. They have always been understanding. Not many went to that level but it was easiest to get it out of the way and move on with life.

Good luck on thd divorce. There is someone out there that will love all of you and will accept "everything" you have to offer. :o)

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KTgirl

I recently had "the talk" and am still patiently awaiting the thinking process.

I told him after a month or so figuring it would be easier to take if he split after the talk. I know I was stand offish because once I decided I was interested, I knew I had to tell him eventually. Sometimes I wish I had waited a bit longer but I know I would have felt like I was hiding gh from him.

I am *not* saying that people who wait longer are deceitful, I just think we are all different and you will know when the time is right. For me, sooner is right, for other people waiting a while works best. I think you will know when the time is right.

good luck!

KT

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inarut

thanks

Thanks for the insight guys...I have alot of huge decisions to make in the near future and none of them are going to be easy... I pray for strength every day... Today I just woke up with a coldsore so I guess its fair to say I have hsv1 and hsv2 now! Life is definately not fair:mad:

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