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Luckenbach

Introduction. Lonely???

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I already posted in a different section, but posting here to formally introduce. 

Diagnosed with HSV2 a little over two years ago. One of many reasons for divorce which took place at same time. 

I'm pretty much over the how and why. I eat healthy, work out, take suppressive therapy with Valtrex, supplement with Monolaurin and multi vitamins. So, outbreaks are few and far between as well as mild. 

The biggest struggle I encounter now is the loneliness or feelings of isolation. I make decent money and have lots of friends. There is no shortage of interested women, but, well, you know the story....

Recently turned 50, so beginning to obsess over being alone in old age,  Wondering how many others feel the same way regardless of how well they are doing at the present time. 

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Hi welcome. Im 50 and im thinking o will be alone. . Not obsessing. Dating is hard its not herpes thats the issue for me its quality of men.    Have you disclosed to these women?  A friend said to me if you accept you may be single you are much happier.  I said im not there yet.  Dont give up.  You have lots of friends enjoy your life and someone will come along. Half of it is about education and personal circumstances as to why pple cant accept you

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Ok then give it a go.  You are only stopping yourself thinking herpes is a barrier.  Many females carry herpes dont assume anything. I dont make any assumptions when i date. 

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I kind of have a high profile in a smaller community. Mainly due to career and all the sports activities I've been involved with through kids' school. 

So, there are lots of opportunities for companionship, but certain I don't want or need this info circulating. 

I may need to travel just to date....

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Luckenbach,

 

I'm 26 but feel the same way. You're not alone.  I have a high paying great job in tech, played sports and still do am super active and went to a very popular college was in a sorority and feel like my life just took a turn. Not trying to brag at all but won class hottie in high school and now I feel like I'm about to go in to complete isolation and loneliness and no one will ever want to date me bc I'm a !*@* with herpes. If people in my friend group or elsewhere (aside from mom) knew about this it would spread like wildfire and I'd never be viewed the same.  depression is hardly openly talked about in my friend group let alone herpes. I don't know who to talk to for comfort. Or how to continue my life with how I had envisioned. Where do I go from here? You're not alone and I'm sending major support and positively and empathy your way. 

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Lulubelle you continue your life as you envisioned.  Herpes doesnt stop you from achieving that. Sure dating MAY be different but not impossible. My dating life did not change. Dont make assumptuons about how you might be viewed or not accepted. The next guy you may be positive.  1 in 6 have it. How do you know none of your friends have herpes. They may be like u afraid to say anything.  

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Lulu,

You're just a few years older than my daughter.  Hell, at least I'm an old man!  You're in a tough spot and not certain what I'd tell you or my daughter if she was in same situation. 

If your a beautiful girl, inside and out, there will be no shortage of suitors.  I'd just be real careful where you select your male companions. Quite honestly, I struggle relating to most twenty-something males.  Huge difference in our generations. 

I checked out the positive singles web page. I found it pretty bleak, at least for people in my age group. It may be different for someone as young as you. 

I'd be careful about if and when you share your info. Raising my daughter, I've found females to be much nastier and petty regarding their treatment of so called friends. 

I have a pretty good bullshit detector if you ever want to bounce anything off of me. 

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@Luckenbach much appreciated. I think my mom feels the same. Not sure what to say to me. I think it's something I'll end up at counseling for. Tough being the cute smart athletic popular girl and envisioning my life a certain way and now contracting this virus. It's changed my life forever and not really sure what the future entails for me. I don't plan on telling anyone n my social network. Ever. I trust a lot of people 99% but no one 100%. I'm not sure what to even think about dating at this point. I can't even fathom sitting them down and having a conversation with them about this. I get it that I wouldn't  want to be with someone who wouldn't accept me, but it would be tough to be sitting across the table from me during that convo. Anyways, I may be younger than you but still feel very much the same way and empathize with you. Thanks for the support 

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You are still that same girl.  Why does having herpes change that.  Your future will still be what you want it to be.  No one can predict the future and envisisioning your life a certain way can set you up for disappointment.  Enjoy being young and accept that hsv is not going to stop you doing what you want. Only your thoughts do.

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On 16/09/2017 at 9:31 PM, Lulubelle said:

@Luckenbach much appreciated. I think my mom feels the same. Not sure what to say to me. I think it's something I'll end up at counseling for. Tough being the cute smart athletic popular girl and envisioning my life a certain way and now contracting this virus. It's changed my life forever and not really sure what the future entails for me. I don't plan on telling anyone n my social network. Ever. I trust a lot of people 99% but no one 100%. I'm not sure what to even think about dating at this point. I can't even fathom sitting them down and having a conversation with them about this. I get it that I wouldn't  want to be with someone who wouldn't accept me, but it would be tough to be sitting across the table from me during that convo. Anyways, I may be younger than you but still feel very much the same way and empathize with you. Thanks for the support 

Dear , Don't punish yourself by having thoughts like this in your mind , I'm 27 and i got it just last year, i seriously got sad and mad for like a month , and then i realised i was so stupid for doing that to myself! Im very successful in my life , in my career , I'm smart and I'm beautiful, hereps is part of me now so what ! I have been with 3 different so far , i disclosed to all of them and i never hide my status, no rejections at all and actually i got a marriage proposal by someone lol ! I never used the antivirals , i used condoms  (but not always ) , i never infected anyone and since diagnoses i had 2 mild ob ( no pain or itch just few blisters ) 

 

At the beginning i thought i lost in this life, and i won't find anyone, but it's not true , it's all about how you disclose to someone, if you freak out they gonna freak out , don't make it as a big deal , actually most of the girls thought i was gonna breakup with them , and when i said it's hereps they were like oh this !? What is it again ? Lol and i had to explain what is it , and the risk , It's very important to highlight the risk but not to make it look like if they got it they gonna die , It's not an easy choice but if someone really into you they would take the risk!

 

And since you are a girl i think it would be easier for you , Don't have negative thoughts , just live normally and love will come to you

 

Cheers

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@Makakathank you for the reminder and positivity:) definitely makes this process easier and I really am grateful for all the support and encouragement an positivity I've received through this forum 

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15 minutes ago, Lulubelle said:

@Makakathank you for the reminder and positivity:) definitely makes this process easier and I really am grateful for all the support and encouragement an positivity I've received through this forum 

Anytime dear , we are still very young , we have a long life to live , we can't change the past and now we have herpes! so what ! We gonna live a long normal life , With some stupid skin rash every now and then , but will this stop us from living ? Absolutely not ! The most important part after diagnosis is acceptance, unfortunately some people live for years and years without reaching this part, they struggle and feel depressed everyday ! Don't do this to yourself, you have a successful life so continue being successful, and don't think much about future relationships now , things will be absolutely fine.

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am on the same boat am too depressed i was just diagnosed ...i feel very alone depressed cryed and finally sucide thoughts even yesterday i planned to commit sucide but after that i realised and explained every thing happended in the past my sister she was very supportive..and i found this website after reading this website am cool now...am good looking handsome guy i had many proposals for many girls but i never accepted buy follishly after drinking i ended up haveing sex with csw even protected i caught it ..it was my first sex in my life and i got it...and now i realised due to my proud and not accepting anyone made me good example with herpes...i think if i accepted anyone of then today my life does not in this boat..anyway i accepted this what ever it may be i fight with it

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Well, first of all, 50 is the new 40. I am turning 39 and I would date someone 50. I have Ghsv1. I contracted it through someone I was dating through oral sex. I was shocked. I just got divorced, have 2 kids, affluent, successful, driven. All the things that men look for in an independent woman. I met someone, disclosed to them, and to my surprise they were totally fine with it. I mean, this stuff happens. He went with me to get tested himself, he is neg for type 1 and 2. We are in a committed relationship. I have kids, he doesn't. He has never been married. Fairly certain we will get married. We have unprotected sex, and he knows the risk. Being totally upfront created a trust that can most likely never be broken. Disclosing seems scary, but in reality if the person really likes you and is the "right" person then it won't matter as much. The key to my situation was educating the person and letting them talk to the doctor. He got all his questions answered, and he was on board with it all. He actually did get results back that ended up being a false positive. He cried, I cried. It was stupid scary. However, it turns out he is negative. For that one week, he knew exactly how I felt. That changed everything. Life is not over, and certainly you do not have to be alone. I guarantee you the people in your community have it too. Date around. Just wait to tell someone once you know that there is a real possibility that they will stick. If they run, then they were not the one. 

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It definitely is all about disclosing confidently and it does develop trust.  Even if someone says no they appreciate honesty.   You got to be in it to win it.

 

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On 9/19/2017 at 4:04 AM, ind555 said:

am on the same boat am too depressed i was just diagnosed ...i feel very alone depressed cryed and finally sucide thoughts even yesterday i planned to commit sucide but after that i realised and explained every thing happended in the past my sister she was very supportive..and i found this website after reading this website am cool now...am good looking handsome guy i had many proposals for many girls but i never accepted buy follishly after drinking i ended up haveing sex with csw even protected i caught it ..it was my first sex in my life and i got it...and now i realised due to my proud and not accepting anyone made me good example with herpes...i think if i accepted anyone of then today my life does not in this boat..anyway i accepted this what ever it may be i fight with it

You sound like me man. It was my first time too, but I’m still not sure how I got it because the person I was with has been tested negative for it for over a year and I’ve never had sex before. So it sucks because I may never find out. Just like you I sort of wish I had just abstained but honestly it’s not having the virus that depresses me but being told that I might have post herpetic neuralgia in my penis is devastating because I don’t know how it will affect me later on, but yeah like everyone is saying on here depression and anxiety just are what this virus feeds off of and we can’t stay like that forever. I’m trying my best to stay positive and trying natural foods that will reduce inflammation and boost my immune system/antiviral properties like raw garlic, celery, turmeric so maybe that can help you as well.

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