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macbau

Heartbroken and trying to conceive

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macbau

My husband and I are going to start trying next month and I just had a small OB. I had almost forgotten about having vag herpes. Now I'm terrified about passing it on to my child. What little research is out there scares me and makes me really angry at who I got it from. I have had herpes for years. Got it from a guy I dated for a year and a half. He never told me he had it. We even stayed together after we found out. I am so pissed right now, knowing he is the reason for this. The only reason we weren't using condoms was that we were going to get married. Now that I am married to someone else, I have guilt about my husband having to deal with this and now I'm not really happy to tell him there is something else you have to deal with...the complications of birth and my OB. I do plan to tell my doc at my first prego appt. What a fun conversation that will be....yea, i'm pregnant....and have herpes. I so badly regret having sex with anyone else before i was married.

Advise please.....i'm so depressed about this.:oops:

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Caliope

it's easy to get frightened by stuff you read on the internet. there're quite a few ladies on the forum who have gotten pregnant and given birth to beautiful healthy babies. some have had cesarean sections and some have not.

you are certainly not the only woman to be in this situation and as embarrassing as it might seem right now to have to talk to your gynecologist about this please remember that he/she see's many patients and many are suffering from hsv just like you and they can help you to plan your pregnancy and delivery in a way that makes you feel both comfortable and confident about the health of your baby.

Maybe you'd feel better if you consulted with your gynecologist before you are pregnant and this will remove some of your concerns.

Congratulations on taking that step to start a family, how exciting.

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sad sore & sorry
My husband and I are going to start trying next month and I just had a small OB. I had almost forgotten about having vag herpes. Now I'm terrified about passing it on to my child. What little research is out there scares me and makes me really angry at who I got it from. I have had herpes for years.

Hi I'm nurse-midwife :)

Its great you've had it for years - you have LOADS of antibodies to HSV (I'm assuming its type 2 ?). This means that if there is some virus lurking around "invisably" at the time of birth, it has some protection from you via the placenta & cord.

The main dramas re HSV and pregancy are

1. NEW primary infection during pregnancy (mother has not formed any immunity yet to pass to the baby)

2.As above - and very ill and feverish (high fevers of any cause can cause premature labour)

3. Active outbreak that the baby cannot avoid coming-into-contact with while being born normally. I have seen many women delivery with opsite / tagaderm (clear adhesive plastic dressing - like book plastic) over their lesions. Buttock lesions (Alone) are not a problem at all - so easy to cover. Its when they are on "wet" skin, it cannot be avoided or shielded.

They will always do a spec exam to check there are no lesions "in the tunnel" before making a decision / "recommendation".

If you have an outbreak at the time the baby wants to be born, then most Western OBGYN will "recommend" (medical-ese for compel) it is born by C-Section. Where are you from ? 30-50% of western babies are born that way anyway, so if you live in a first world industrialised nation (that is not Northern Europe / Scandinavia) you have some chance of having one regardless (sorry - facts :sad:)

Caliope makes a great point - why not choose a doctor and have a pre-conception visit ? Its a great idea for anyone - herpes aside. Get your blood checked - make sure you have all the iron stores you need before you start, sort out anything that needs atention BEFOREHAND - saves a lot of worry later. Then you can ask all about your HSV concerns too - including conception and fears for your man, valtrex etc. Remember - viral shedding does not = infecting someone and occurs only 1-4% of non-outbreak days. You won't be having sex when you are sick (way too ouch and too sad), so most of teh time, there is no risk. Its is even speculated that SOME people probably don't shed at all, ever. (The trouble is with all this - who are they, and when is that ?)

Remember to shop around for someone who has the same attitudes as yourself - eg if you REALLY want to avoid C/Section if at all possible, you need to find someone who has a flexible attitude.

Your STD clinic is another place to ask. They are usually up-to-the minute on the issue.

I know - what should" be a really happy baby-making stint, spoiled by worries about infection etc. But what can we do ?

Learn the facts from an expert, minimise your triggers, do the best you can (in agreement with your partner) to minimise worry about passing it on and try to "forget" and have some of the good stuff in life (like making a baby with your special loved one) sounds like a plan ! ;) XO

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Kamikaze
My husband and I are going to start trying next month and I just had a small OB. I had almost forgotten about having vag herpes. Now I'm terrified about passing it on to my child. What little research is out there scares me and makes me really angry at who I got it from. I have had herpes for years. Got it from a guy I dated for a year and a half. He never told me he had it. We even stayed together after we found out. I am so pissed right now, knowing he is the reason for this. The only reason we weren't using condoms was that we were going to get married. Now that I am married to someone else, I have guilt about my husband having to deal with this and now I'm not really happy to tell him there is something else you have to deal with...the complications of birth and my OB. I do plan to tell my doc at my first prego appt. What a fun conversation that will be....yea, i'm pregnant....and have herpes. I so badly regret having sex with anyone else before i was married.

Advise please.....i'm so depressed about this.:oops:

I can not offer you much advice about Pregnancy, but what I can tell you is that there is nothing to be scared of.

AND HEY! Don't worry about the Doctor! When I first thought I had herpes, every doctor and nurse I had told was very understanding. I was a little scared at first, getting my anti-virals from the pharmacy, because I'm sure they know what the MEDs were for, seeing is they come with a little information pack each time, but not once have I gotten an odd feeling or vibe that they were looking at me like I was a terrible person for having HSV.

I think if anything, your Doctors are people you can talk to about this and not feel like youre going to be crucified afterwards. They understand that its not just hookers and whores that get this disease, but that even they as well as many other innocent people are able to get this disease, even when practicing safe sex.

The guy who gave me herpes didnt happen to inform me either, I was lucky enough to only get HSV1, and yes at first I was upset [only for about a day], when trying to be intimate with someone, I kind of pulled away at first, and it became easier once I fully accepted herpes. It sucks not being able to have a choice in the matter of contracting a disease, but I think we are all very fortunet to not have to deal with diseases that are much worse.

Goodluck, and happy impregnating.

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macbau

Thank you!

Thanks to you all for your loving words and support. I was feeling so alone in all this. I will give you a bit more info since I was leary of saying to much over the net...

been married for 6 years. contracted vaginal herpes in 1996. have maybe 3 OB a year since. they have been getting less and less over the years. i just had one small sore on the tip of the lip and had no soreness. i almost forgot about it at all but i always feel like i have been run over by a truck while they are active. i'm currently feeling that way and still waiting for the sore to dry up. its been there for 3 days. this is usual for me. the worst it ever was ...6 in a cluster by the anus. only 2x did that occur and that was a good 5 years ago. i have never asked or tried any drugs for this. i was in the military for 5 years and they WOULD DEFINATLY judge you at the Rx window. i don't care if i was in dire pain, i would have never told a soul. i thought about it over the last years but still don't want my local pharmacy really knowing about it. i know, get over it. sorry but i'm too ashamed.

i'm happy to find out that there are ways of covering an open sore while in childbirth if it is out of the immediate area. i don't want to endanger my child in the least. oh yea, i live in the midwest USA. i'm ok with a C-section but would like to try if i have the option and it is safe for the baby.

i will be setting up an appt with the OB-GYN pronto to check all the options. from what i've been reading, they give you an anti viral a month before you are to deliver.

what i haven't read alot about is if you have an outbreak while you are pregnant after you have had it forever....like me. had it for years, so is it the same risk as if i had just contracted it while i was prego? they aren't clear on that one. i know stress and worry is my biggest obstical. i'm trying to relax. information is my best weapon. so thanks for all your wonderful comments! i really thank you for your support.

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Caliope

macbau - Re: outbreaks during pregnancy - it seems to be very individual. some ladies on here reported an increase in ob's during pregnancy maybe from hormones and some didn't see a change in the frequency at all.

Not so different than the fact that some of us get horrible morning sickness for the entire time and your neighbor never even gets queasy once.

If you don't want to go into your pharmacy to pick up antivirals have them mailed to you. it's convenient and many people are choosing this option.

btw - I really liked your post sad sore & sorry.

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sad sore & sorry
Thanks to you all for your loving words and support. I was feeling so alone in all this....

...contracted vaginal herpes in 1996. have maybe 3 OB a year since. they have been getting less and less over the years.

...i'm happy to find out that there are ways of covering an open sore while in childbirth if it is out of the immediate area. i don't want to endanger my child in the least. ....i'm ok with a C-section but would like to try if i have the option and it is safe for the baby.

i will be setting up an appt with the OB-GYN pronto to check all the options. from what i've been reading, they give you an anti viral a month before you are to deliver.

what i haven't read alot about is if you have an outbreak while you are pregnant after you have had it forever....like me. had it for years, so is it the same risk as if i had just contracted it while i was prego? they aren't clear on that one. i know stress and worry is my biggest obstical. i'm trying to relax. information is my best weapon.

Sounds to me like you have excellent developing, increasing immunity. 11 years ! :!: Your body is now an expert at warding this off ! Apparently HSV tries to come out often (I think of it as waking up and "going for a walk" 'to the surface') but most of the time, us "old timers" don't let it (the passge of time gives us experienced, well-trained immunity - something we don't have at the start and why early attacks can be so miserable).

So NO - having it infrequently is NOT the same as getting it for the first time while pregnant. The body is expert and "remembers". First timers-during- pregnancy have no armies of antibodies (think soldiers) working for them at all. That's the problem. Not yours.

Talk to the OB-GYN - I'm just a midwife ! ;)

Remember to ask for regular pre-conception blood work - very good idea.

As for stress - check this out: www.centerpointe.com

If interested, give them a call and ask for info about their "Super Long levity" CD which can be bought separately to their mainstream program - it reduces cortisol levels in the body just by listening to it (that is the "bad guy" stress hormone) and improves "good" hormones DHEA & Melatonin.

I do the whole lot but as I am on valtrex, who would know how much of a difference it has made - but I do perceive it does me good: the benefits of meditation for health and stress-reduction are givens. So you may have another "big gun" at your disposal ?

They also have one on "perfect health" - including affirmations that you are very well and your body is working just as it should etc. Ask them ?

(Australians & NZ'ers: www.meditate.com.au)

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jessimina

The internet is such a wonderful thing, I have been single and suffering alone for 12-13 years, I haven't told a single person. I keep looking on line for a miracle cure but I now accept my fate...I am reaching the end of my child-bearing years and because of herpes I believed I would only ever be able to have a baby using donor sperm...the day I booked in to the clinic I met the man of my dreams...I've kept him at a distance sexually but we both want children, and a life together...I just don't want to give him herpes, I want to be in a loving relationship and not feel dirty. Anyway I just wanted to say thank you...I feel a little less alone now

Jess

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Movingslowly
My husband and I are going to start trying next month and I just had a small OB. I had almost forgotten about having vag herpes. Now I'm terrified about passing it on to my child. What little research is out there scares me and makes me really angry at who I got it from. I have had herpes for years. Got it from a guy I dated for a year and a half. He never told me he had it. We even stayed together after we found out. I am so pissed right now, knowing he is the reason for this. The only reason we weren't using condoms was that we were going to get married. Now that I am married to someone else, I have guilt about my husband having to deal with this and now I'm not really happy to tell him there is something else you have to deal with...the complications of birth and my OB. I do plan to tell my doc at my first prego appt. What a fun conversation that will be....yea, i'm pregnant....and have herpes. I so badly regret having sex with anyone else before i was married.

Advise please.....i'm so depressed about this.:oops:

Ive only had a fee sex partners and used protection for the first several months with my serious relationships. I got this crap from one of them and they were asymptomatic. Ugh.....thought I was doing the right thing by not sleeping around and BAM I was diagnosed and this virus has caused me to have continous outbreaks with antiviral treatment. Wtf kind of life is this? I wish I could have sex for a change. Not with this painful shit. Sex and having children isnt part of my plans anymore. Its all made me realize that waiting to have sex until marriage is the best thing for anyone. If I ever get the chance to have children, I will make sure they know about every single sti from inside out, I hope it scares them from sex. Then theyll see why waiting until marriage is important. Does your husband know you have H?

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