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Uhappy1

Recently diagnosed and not coping well

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I recently found out I had herpes from getting raped it was hard enough dealing with the fact that a complete stranger took away my security and something that should never be taken forcefully I was in such a dark space when that happened only to be told that I contacted herpes from it I'm so devastated I feel like the world is against me all I do when I'm not at work is cry and lay in bed I don't know what to do I can't sleep at night I have to double up on sleeping pills and I have no one to talk to my sister's keep asking me what's wrong cause they see the change they no of the rape but can't bring myself to tell them that I have herpes I'm embarrassed and don't think I can bare it if they started acting differently around me but I'm losing it cause it's all I think about the chances of me having a family or kids seems like it was snatched away from me in the most cruel and painful way and I don't know what to do I never could of thought this would be me I basically feel like my life is ruin with no chance of happiness now how can I love the rest of my life knowing I have this disease who will want me now 

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Most of us didn't acquire this virus in such a traumatic way and it's heartbreaking to know that you were horrifically violated. I imagine that HSV now serves as a continuous reminder of that awful experience and represents so much more than what it actually is- an extremely common virus. Most people carry it orally even if they don't get cold sores. There's something about having it genitally that changes things though. That's where the stigma comes in.

It's really hard to estimate how many people carry either strain because nobody gets tested until symptoms develop. I think it's safe to assume that most of us acquired this virus from a person who doesn't even know they have it. They're asymptomatic or have mild symptoms and go about their lives without the slightest idea that they have herpes. These people might make jokes, post memes, or look down upon us- yet they have herpes and don't know it! These are the people who are spreading the virus they fear and disgust!!! The people who know they have herpes take precautions to protect others. We're the ones containing the virus! 

You have no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed. You did nothing wrong. Your sense of security has been shaken but nothing has been taken away from you. You can still marry and have children. HSV is a very old virus, so old that it predates modern humans yet here we are. People with herpes obviously have children. 

I know you're devastated. The diagnosis is never easy. Everyone on this forum can relate to how you feel right now, but I promise it gets easier. You need to go through the grieving process. Everyone does it. You can always come here to talk, vent, ask questions, and learn about ways to manage it. They're will always be someone to listen and offer advice. 

I know you don't want to, but it might help to tell your sisters. Which strain of herpes do you have? Did you find out via blood test or did you develop sores and get swabbed? If you have genital herpes there's NO WAY YOU CAN TRANSMIT TO YOUR SISTERS. NONE. IMPOSSIBLE. If it's oral- don't share makeup or drinks. If they have any concerns they can come to the forum and ask all the questions they want. 

Keep in mind that you're not alone. There are over 60,000 people on this forum and there are other forums out there as well! You'll get through this. Sending you hugs. :longhug:

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Hi there, welcome to honeycomb! 

First of all I'd like to say sorry that you've been through such a traumatizing experience! During this time it's very important to be kind to yourself, remembering that you're worth more than your life experiences and those experiences don't have to define you. I really hope you're in touch with someone to help you through this daunting time! 

Though I did not get HSV from a traumatic experience, I have been through the same. I'm here if you ever need to talk! I wish you all the best in your journey to recovering! :longhug:

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Thanks so much for the kind word from both of you I really needed to hear that because I feel so alone I never thought I would need to go to strangers for advice and to poor my heart out to and I have HSV 2 and i found out through a blood test and for now this can be my only outlet at the table my sister kept hammering about what's wrong with be cause they see the sadness and she thought of the worse two things she could ask me that she said would have a person acting like me one was HIV the other Herpes and I said no to HIV immediately but paused for a second on Herpes and for that sex it felt like my world was drowning and for the first time and my life I wanted to go under let it just be over I never thought I would feel this way of course I would never to anything to harm myself but for a sec it popped in but anyhow I snapped back to reality and I thought about telling her and I just couldn't I just could not say it or shake my head to confirm then my nephew walked up and I kept thinking I'll never feel comfortable giving him a kiss on the cheek again or eating at my mom house or anyone's cause I probably should bleach the utensils or scared to put a drink down cause what if someone drink my drink and I give them this virus my Doctor really did not explain things to me well and I was in to much shock to ask everything I should and all I keep hearing a million times is her telling me over and over without emotion that I tested positive for herpes and right now that voice and her feels like my boogeyman another added reason why I can't sleep at night without taking pills I feel myself excluding myself from everyone is this normal 

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Ok so HSV2 is generally in the genital region, thus meaning you can only spread it to people you're having sex with. You do not shed from you're mouth! Basic hygiene like washing your hands after using the toilet will keep your loved ones safe!

I really recommend getting in touch with a therapist to help you process everything you have been through and all your emotions surrounding it. It will be better for you in the long run, time truly does heal! Please contact me if you ever want to talk.. try listening to some youtube meditation at night, after a traumatic experience it's hard for one to relax. As you live in a state of hyper vigilance, constantly in the fight or flight mode. Making yourself feel safe before you sleep will help you get to sleep quicker!

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