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Hey,

so, I am not technically newly diagnosed but every once in a while I come back to this deep, dark place. A little background:

 

August 2015 came back to my home country from a year overseas. After coming back I met a man I had been chatting with. Before even agreeing to meet him (it was for potential intimate/relationship reasons)  I asked him to get tested for STIs. I had also gotten tested because I would never ask something of someone I wasn't comfortable doing myself. I came back clean as did he. 

 

I didn't realize herpes was not part of standard testing, and I'm so angry because I asked my doctor to test for everything! I even said everything multiple times. (This will be relevant later in the story)

 

So here I thought he is good to go in good to go. We hit it off really well. We ended up dating. This was in October. (Hence why I'm back in the dark place) we had sex a few times no issues. But come February 2016 I ended up getting the dreaded burning, blisters on my groin area. It was horrendous.  I went to my doctor and yes I had herpes 2.

 

My partner was the only person who could have logically given it to me. I confronted him and he admitted that he has had herpes and known about it for years. He however said that he didn't know which strain he had and that he only had outbreaks on his lip.

 

I confronted my doctor about it saying I asked to get tested for everything. He said oh herpes isn't standard... I was so mad because to me I didn't ask for standard, I asked for everything.

 

I started to doubt myself, maybe I had had it for some time and it was dormant. Maybe I didn't know! Maybe I potentially gave it to him. Maybe he had herpes 1 and I have 2 oh my God what have I done.

 

But he never got any breakouts since I got it. And after February 2016 I had had 6 that year in quick succession. I honestly don't know much about herpes but I find it so hard to believe that it could have been dormant and then boom just like that. So that leaves me back to blaming him. He had a lip sore after my first set of breakouts. (He never showed any symptoms before, I seriously check people before) I never had any reason to think he had anything. Anyway I asked him to get it tested for my peace of mind. He never did. So I still don't know if he has herpes 2 on his lip or both but doesn't show signs, or if I somehow caught herpes 2 and he doesn't have it.

I love him, I ended up marrying him October 2016 (even after all the herpes mess) but every so often I have a spike of rage towards him that I can't seem to control. I know that part isn't healthy.

 

The thing is, had I known he had any form of herpes I would likely not have agreed to meet with him. After having met him, I'm not sure if I would have agreed to date him (despite how awesome he is in every other way). I know it's shallow, but my health was/is so important to me, so dating someone who could get me sick just would be too taxing for my mental health.

 

Now that I've already gotten it though I thought he can't get me sicker. I love everything else about him. Okay, yeah let's do it.

 

So here I am a year into my marriage. I love him, I love him so much... But I feel betrayed. I still want to be with him, but it's eating at me. I guess I wish he had given me the choice to choose him infection and all. I don't regret marrying him. So the end it worked because I might not have married him had he been upfront. But then the whispers of, he kept that information from you, what else could he be hiding. Good God I don't want to continually doubt what he says. I know that too isn't healthy.

 

I'm so confused and frustrated and angry and I really wish I didn't love him so that it could be easier to be mad at him. So that I could throw every book at him. But that is not the case. I love him so now it hurts to be angry at him and it hurts not to be.

 

Thankfully no outbreaks for all 2017 that too makes it more evident to me that it was him that gave it to me and I had experienced the initial outbreak in February 2016 which was by far the worst out of all of them. It lasted like 3 weeks or more and was so painful.

 

Yup, I feel better just typing that. If you read it to the end thanks. 

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All cool to vent.

Have you had blood testing since?

In the end, can we really feel betrayed by a virus that 90% of people get in their lifetimes?

With everything that life entails, its joys, it challenges, its pleasures its sorrows, its rewards, its vicissitudes... does herpes even rank?

 

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I feel your anger and pain and sadness. Had I known the person that potentially exposed me to hsv-2 I would have never been intimate with her and all these years that i’ve known her there must’ve been a good reason why I didn’t. She didn’t know she had it, but it still doesn’t help when she doesn’t get any symptoms and living life just fine and I’m here dreading how each day will be feeling sick everyday. So you’re not alone with your feelings and how you wish you could have your old life back without this on the back of your mind and then the physical symptoms too which are a big reminder. It’s a shit of a virus that hardly anyone can understand the impact of being diagnosed with except the sufferers. I hope it will get better for you though and a solution or cure becomes available soon.

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Anger is like a peculiar acid that does more damage to the vessel that contains it than to anything it is poured upon.  

Let go of the anger, and you will feel better.  There are rituals that will help with this if you can't bring yourself to do it naturally.  I have anger too... and so I try to practice what I preach here but it can be tough.  Just keep my first sentence in mind...  repeat it when you feel this way.  

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On 10/18/2017 at 3:45 AM, Mayday said:

Hey,

so, I am not technically newly diagnosed but every once in a while I come back to this deep, dark place. A little background:

 

August 2015 came back to my home country from a year overseas. After coming back I met a man I had been chatting with. Before even agreeing to meet him (it was for potential intimate/relationship reasons)  I asked him to get tested for STIs. I had also gotten tested because I would never ask something of someone I wasn't comfortable doing myself. I came back clean as did he. 

 

I didn't realize herpes was not part of standard testing, and I'm so angry because I asked my doctor to test for everything! I even said everything multiple times. (This will be relevant later in the story)

 

So here I thought he is good to go in good to go. We hit it off really well. We ended up dating. This was in October. (Hence why I'm back in the dark place) we had sex a few times no issues. But come February 2016 I ended up getting the dreaded burning, blisters on my groin area. It was horrendous.  I went to my doctor and yes I had herpes 2.

 

My partner was the only person who could have logically given it to me. I confronted him and he admitted that he has had herpes and known about it for years. He however said that he didn't know which strain he had and that he only had outbreaks on his lip.

 

I confronted my doctor about it saying I asked to get tested for everything. He said oh herpes isn't standard... I was so mad because to me I didn't ask for standard, I asked for everything.

 

I started to doubt myself, maybe I had had it for some time and it was dormant. Maybe I didn't know! Maybe I potentially gave it to him. Maybe he had herpes 1 and I have 2 oh my God what have I done.

 

But he never got any breakouts since I got it. And after February 2016 I had had 6 that year in quick succession. I honestly don't know much about herpes but I find it so hard to believe that it could have been dormant and then boom just like that. So that leaves me back to blaming him. He had a lip sore after my first set of breakouts. (He never showed any symptoms before, I seriously check people before) I never had any reason to think he had anything. Anyway I asked him to get it tested for my peace of mind. He never did. So I still don't know if he has herpes 2 on his lip or both but doesn't show signs, or if I somehow caught herpes 2 and he doesn't have it.

I love him, I ended up marrying him October 2016 (even after all the herpes mess) but every so often I have a spike of rage towards him that I can't seem to control. I know that part isn't healthy.

 

The thing is, had I known he had any form of herpes I would likely not have agreed to meet with him. After having met him, I'm not sure if I would have agreed to date him (despite how awesome he is in every other way). I know it's shallow, but my health was/is so important to me, so dating someone who could get me sick just would be too taxing for my mental health.

 

Now that I've already gotten it though I thought he can't get me sicker. I love everything else about him. Okay, yeah let's do it.

 

So here I am a year into my marriage. I love him, I love him so much... But I feel betrayed. I still want to be with him, but it's eating at me. I guess I wish he had given me the choice to choose him infection and all. I don't regret marrying him. So the end it worked because I might not have married him had he been upfront. But then the whispers of, he kept that information from you, what else could he be hiding. Good God I don't want to continually doubt what he says. I know that too isn't healthy.

 

I'm so confused and frustrated and angry and I really wish I didn't love him so that it could be easier to be mad at him. So that I could throw every book at him. But that is not the case. I love him so now it hurts to be angry at him and it hurts not to be.

 

Thankfully no outbreaks for all 2017 that too makes it more evident to me that it was him that gave it to me and I had experienced the initial outbreak in February 2016 which was by far the worst out of all of them. It lasted like 3 weeks or more and was so painful.

 

Yup, I feel better just typing that. If you read it to the end thanks. 

Did You ever think fate was part of this? Thank you for sharing. When i read These it helps. Thank you 

 

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Thanks for sharing! I think you should share your feelings with your husband, you don’t want to keep having built up anger. I was in love with the person who infected me knowing he had it. I couldn’t forget that, I had to distance myself because like you my health was very important to me (always used protection) looked for bumps on my partner lips and penis (I know it sounds crazy since some people have no symptoms, didn’t know that then). Point is I couldn’t forgive him. I hate him so much especially now when going through a OB.

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Due to the nature of H there is now way to know for sure how you contracted it.  You could have been a carrier for a long time. I have no idea how I contracted this virus and it is absolutely maddening to me. I have been in a relationship with an amazing man for the last 4 months and previous partners I was always used protection. I was very naive about this virus. I had no idea how prevalent it is and how easy it is to spread. My boyfriend is infected too and he developed symptoms the same time I did completely unexpected and out of no where. This is such a difficult thing to have to deal with. I definitely think you should share your feelings with your husband, this forum is a good place to practice that. 

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I'd say talk to him, communication is everything. I still don't know if my current girlfriend is the one who gave me the virus but I can't hold something against her that she didn't know she had. Maybe I had it already and just didn't have an outbreak until then, who knows. That's the wonder of the HSV test not being part of the standard tests...

 

H

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