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Lostgirl93

Undiagnosed as I'm too scared. Please I feel so low and really need to hear people's personal experiences

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    Hi all. I've had recurring "herpes" on the palm of my hand for over a year. It flares up at least twice a month and lasts ages. As of recently my new doctor has suggested it is pompholyx eczema. I have been over the moon thinking that it is actually that whilst waiting to hear from the dermatologist. Unfortunately I have been feeling a little uncomfortable down below the past few days and I have a blister (identical to the ones on my hand) near my vagina.  I have never had cold sores on my mouth at all and this is the first time I've had a blister appear in the lower region. I'm hoping to learn more about hsv in the hope of not feeling so down because I am so very upset and feel I cannot confide in anybody as I do feel ashamed of myself and I know that's not right, I struggle with self confidence etc as it is. Can anyone give an opinion on whether you think it's hsv1 or hsv 2? I know I won't know until I've been tested and have results. I'd honestly really appreciate and really need someone to talk to i feel incredibly overwhelmed and have so many questions. I've also been dating the most amazing guy for over 3 months  (we haven't don't anything physiclly intimate). I'm now so worried about having to tell him and I just feel so lost. Please someone reply x

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    Hey, @Lostgirl93 welcome to HC. You're understandably frantic right now as you're awaiting the results of your tests. It's pointless to speculate, but I will say that there's a chance this isn't herpes. I'm no expert (I don't believe a herpes expert exists) but there's a possibility this might be something else. 

    If you want to theorize about the possibility of it being herpes, let's create a scenario:

    You contracted hsv through your palm while manually stimulating a guy who was asymptomatic and shedding. I guess that's reasonable. Unless you also slept with that same guy, I'm not sure how you got a blister down there. I believe it's possible to reinfect yourself in another location, but the odds of you rubbing vigorously enough with your palm seem unlikely. I suppose, if it's actually herpes, you could be shedding from your fingers as well. Ultimately, I think speculation is a waste of time and its best to wait for the results. 

    The good news- if it turns out to be herpes, you have a fairly mild, albeit unusual case, right? Antivirals would most likely help with the palm situation, and your genital OB (if it actually is one) is barely noticeable. Did you experience any other sensations before noticing the genital blister?

    Keep your palm clean and wrapped up, have some tea, try to relax, and let's see what the tests say. The veteran members here will definitely have some advice/techniques for you if this is herpes. As far as disclosing- don't worry about that until you see the results. Even if it's H, we have a lot of successful disclosure stories on this site. You've unknowingly put yourself in a good position by postponing physical intimacy. 

    By the way, what test did you take? Did your doctor swab the blisters on your palm?

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    The best thing you can do is go get the spot tested. When my symptoms began I thought it was a yeast infection. I asked my Doctor to check me for all STD's and the blood test for hsv. I also had a swab test done to confirm. Not knowing for sure is really frustrating. You are just speculating what it is. Diagnoses is key. As soon as you know you can accept it and learn to live with it. Once you do some research, you will begin to find out how incredibly common this is.  Here is a link to a lot of good information about the kind of testing that is done.

    https://www.stdcheck.com/blog/everything-about-herpes-1-2-and-hsv-testing/

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    Thank you both so much for replying. I had all of the common symptoms of a herpes outbreak when I first experienced the blisters on my palm, I was unwell with flu like symptoms for 2 to 3 weeks and had lymph pain also. I had unprotected sex with a guy a few days before that happened. But as I said the doctor has recently decided it's some form of eczema. So I am waiting to hear back from a dermatologist to arrange an appointment to take samples. But I've also recently had cervicitis and PID. But tested negative for STIs. I thought that included hepres but as I've recently found out it certainly doesn't. Then the past few days I felt uncomfortable in the lower area and a kind of burning sensation on my skin. Innocently I hadn't linked it together so thought it may be thrush from the antibiotics for cervicitis.  But then a day or two ago a blister appeared and it feels pretty uncomfortable.  I guess I'm convinced it's hsv after linking this all together, I'm just scared to have it confirmed. But I know it's imperative. I was given acyclovir to help with my hand but it kept flaring up again and again so this is why my doctor thinks it might be eczema. But after linking this these together the past few days it seems evident to me what it is. And yes you are right about not worrying about disclosure until I have all results. I'm an overthinker in general and I've been single for 4 years and this person is the most amazing person. I just keep thinking how would I react if it were the other way round and it's hard to know as now I'm 99.9% sure I have hsv and understand a little bit about it I wouldn't be put off. But would I have previously I just don't know. I've been feeling really down about other things and I just feel this is really overwhelming. I'm just even seeing myself differently and I know that's not right because I haven't done anything wrong and I really struggle with accepting myself as it is. Did you guys feel this way at first too? I just want to know I'll feel differently at some point.  I know I shouldn't say it but I honestly hate myself at this moment in time. Keep crying whenever I'm alone and just pretend to be happy when I'm around people. I shouldn't feel so alone when I have friends and family who I know wouldn't judge me ever, I'm just trapped in this battle in my head which I feel like I can't win right now. Sorry to put this onto you guys, I just don't know where else to turn right now.  X

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    I don't think there's a single person who didn't grieve when they received the diagnosis. HSV isn't like other diseases, it's not typically discussed publicly so it's not like you can complain about the physical pain and discomfort you're feeling. The stigma sucks as we're led to believe that no one will sympathize with us anyways as we did this to ourselves. 

    I eventually told my family. It's the best decision I've made. They've been nothing but supportive and it's really helped me manage this emotionally. I still feel "different" sometimes but it definitely happens less frequently. 

    Hsv isn't the greatest diagnosis but it certainly isn't the worst. I'm only 4 months in so I'm still processing this myself. I have good days and bad days. The veteran members seem to have a really good attitude towards this so I know it gets much easier. One of them will eventually make their way over here. 

    Take care and try to stay positive while you wait for the results. 

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    @Lostgirl93 I know that you must be filled with a lot of different feelings which is totally normal. There are a couple of different things that have similar visual symptoms like HSV so  I wouldn't jump to conclusions. If you have an opportunity to swab the blisters when they are fresh you might get an answer. Blood testing will take a minimum of 8 weeks podt exposure but in general it is recommended to wait 12 to 16 weeks. Visually there is no difference in HSV2 and HSV1. HSV is very common so you are not alone in this if you actually have it. You will find a lot of good advice here. Take everything with a grain of salt like @LatentBloomer said there are no "experts" when it comes to H if there were we wouldn't be on this site together looking for answers. HSV affects us all differently because our immune responses are different. So for some this is just a mild skin condition and for others it is a cause of daily nerve pain. Some don't even have a clue they have it and continue to pass it on not knowing.

    The best thing is to get properly diagnosed. Not always easy because just like the virus is unpredicatable in some people so are the testing results. It took me months to get results I needed to confirm my diagnosis.

    How ever this turns out you are still the beautiful you! You will learn to live life and do everything you want to do. The virus doesnt define who or what you are.

    Good luck and don't stress, it is going to be okay.

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